I didn't pay for. My weekend social life consists of going on the computer, playing video games, watching cable, and making a trip a few blocks from my house to pick up comfort food to drown my unhappiness in. I have an anxious disposition, so please don't tell me to "get out more" and go to bars, clubs, etc.
Anyone out there like me who has some quality advice? I tried many things to become more of a type "A" male (went to Boca Chica in the Dominican Republic to practice picking up girls); I went to a "sex surrogate"; sex therapist; I tried to go out with my younger player brother and keep up with his game. All was a failure. Maybe I'm looking for a miracle, but is there "something" out there for guys like me? I'm NOT gay, but I have a hard time getting pleasure from sex (I've never even came close to ejaculating inside a woman), and I'm very clumsy and inhibited with the whole sex act. I also have hang-ups (don't like the smell of a vagina, don't like saliva when kissing). HELP!!!
2007-01-21 16:35:00 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Send me a message and I will talk to you privately.
2007-01-21 16:38:17 · answer #1 · answered by christinedaae 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You may be forcing yourself into a shoe that does not fit. It really sounds like it is more societal pressure that is driving you to have sex rather than desire or need.
This doesn't mean you are gay. Nor does it mean you do not have the capacity for intimacy. Some men and woman are "asexual". That is they are indifferent to having sex. If this is the case ... and you might explore this with a therapist that specializes in sexuality issues ... talk therapy .. not surrogacy. If that is the case then the next step is to accept yourself as is. This doesn't make you less than a "man" or a person.
2007-01-22 00:47:48 · answer #2 · answered by morahastits 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It looks like you may have some issues that you need to work out with a professional. But if you never been in love with anyone maybe that's why you don't enjoy sex. It's not the same to be with someone you love.
As far as your sex partners smelling, that's probably a hygiene issue and you may need to look for someone who takes hygiene as seriously as you do.
I'm sure there is someone out there for you. There are plenty of shy women that you might feel more comfortable with.
I guess try joining match.com and take it slow. See if you can develop a freindship based on common interests.
2007-01-22 00:50:46 · answer #3 · answered by Kiki 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you suffer from anxiety and self confidence issues. I think the problem is that you are too introverted. You won't be able to have a real relationship until you really leave the video game console and the tv and find a decent place to meet nice women who might truly appeal to you. Bars and clubs usually have girls who are more promiscuous. It sounds like you want to find a girl who is more down to Earth.
I do think you should maybe talk to a regular therapist to possibly see why you don't get any satisfaction from sex. Maybe there is some particular reason from your past that is influencing your attitude towards sex and women.
Good luck...
2007-01-22 00:48:34 · answer #4 · answered by Cute But Evil 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man, sex is not everything in life.
I don't think you have a problem with sex and women, because I can deduce from your question that you do like them. However, being dirty about it is what disgusts you. Fair enough.
What you need to do is relax and focus on being yourself. What are your dreams for life. How far have you been able to acheive them. Focus on those and get on with your life...Meanwhile, as you pursue your dreams then just keep your eyes open for that special person that you can fall in love with and don't have sex immediately you meet, but rather get to know her and let het also get to know you and appreciate you as a person. Your dislikes and likes as well as hers. From there you can proceed into marriage and then sex...but be calm and take your time and let your mind and your system get used to being with a lady and the sex thing will take care of itself when the time is right.
Loving a woman is not the same as having sex with her. Sex is just the icing on the cake and not the cake itself. Sharing your live and what it is worth with your love one is what matter most. It is far easier and better having sex with someone you deeply love.
2007-01-22 00:54:14 · answer #5 · answered by Dazanix 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would try to not think about it as much as possible, relax and have a good time when you go out. If you try too hard or work too hard then the payoff and happen to fail then it's hard to 'keep the faith' and keep on trying. In the words of Joe Dirt, 'Life's a garden, dig it!'. Don't get too worked up about it and learn to go with the flow. Also, it will help to not worry about what other people think about a girl, go after ones that you find attractive both physically and emotionally. I had a buddy that continuously goes after girls that are out of his league to impress others. He continuously gets shot down because of it. Forget what others think and find someone that's right for YOU.
2007-01-22 00:42:12 · answer #6 · answered by bendabomb85 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Considering transform yourself into an object of desire that no one can resist.
Instructions
• STEP 1: Appeal to all the senses. Choose clothing with soft fabrics that invite the sense of touch, wear fragrances that entice the sense of smell, speak with a sensuous voice and use words that are pleasant to hear, and maintain a well-groomed appearance that is pleasing to the eye.
• STEP 2: Maintain a positive outlook toward life. Who wants to be around a person who is full of gloom and doom?
• STEP 3: Make the most of what you have, both physically and mentally. Emphasize your best features while downplaying undesirable traits.
• STEP 4: Project confidence without intimidating others. Know and believe in yourself without being a know-it-all.
• STEP 5: Be original. Your differences from others may be the very things that make you irresistible to the opposite sex. Don't be a carbon copy of someone else.
• STEP 6: Learn how to make members of the opposite sex feel good about themselves by taking an interest in their lives and aspirations.
• STEP 7: Leave a little something to the imagination. Don't bare all or tell all immediately. An air of mystery can create greater interest in a person.
Tips & Warnings
• Your appearance and body language can catch someone's attention ' but irresistibility comes from your ability to sustain a person's interest.
• Remember that everyone has different tastes and preferences, with different definitions of irresistibility.
I don't know if these can help. As it seems like your main problem is sex. This could be related to sexual guiIt. I guess you may need some help from the sex therapists.
1. Accept yourself as you are!
This includes: accepting your being body, your basic sexual orientation, your past experiences and your own limitations.
2. Do not hold exaggerated views!
Rid your mind of the ‘traditional’ hostility to sex. Make sure you understand the reasons why modern pastoral theology has a more relaxed approach to sex.
3. Adopt good habits!
Avoid situations that might make you lose control of the situation. Refuse to become addicted to unhelpful practices.
4. Ignore unfounded negative feelings!
Misguided indoctrination in the past may leave feelings of unease even when we are engaged in activities that we know to be alright. Such feelings will fade in the course of time if we simply ignore them. -- Ignoring is different from suppressing. Ignoring means: we acknowledge the feelings, but, for good reasons, we decide not to act on them. We allow them to buzz around us like annoying flies.
Good luck!
2007-01-22 00:41:17 · answer #7 · answered by Christine 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey,
It sounds to me like you may have a disorder holding you back. You said you went to a therapist, but have you ever went to a specialist in phobias? I mean this in a nice way hon, it's pure Hell to be afflicted with any disorder that interferes with our daily lives, letalone our perception of what is good and pleasurable.
Sex is wonderful thing, i'm not saying I agree with having "immortal sex", but it is one of the pleasures we have in life that any adult should be entitled to enjoy. I also noticed you speak very negatively of yourself. Have you also been told all your life that you were "clumsy?,stupid? awkward?, sex is bad, etc..?" If so, that's where a lot of your problem lies my dear.
My advise to you is take the plunge! Take charge of your own life, and get to a Dr. that can help you. To say "psychiatrist" somehow seems to give a person an instant defensive "I'm NOT CRAZY!" attitude. Just as we need a medical Dr. for aches & pains, A Surgeon for surgical procedures, and an Oncologist for Cancer, we also need a Psychiatris Dr. for problems with our psychological issues. Start living the rest of your life TODAY. ;-)
God Bless you and may He walk with you on the road to freedom from the bondage of your mind ;-)
2007-01-22 01:06:33 · answer #8 · answered by lizrdluvnmom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I read these books buy this guy who's awesome with women. It's called "double your dating" by david deangelo. Check it out. It's good stuff. There's this other book called "inner game" and gets all your psych fixed. You should do it. It'll change your look on things and give you that awwwww sensation of never having thought if it that way before. priceless material boy.
2007-01-22 01:46:10 · answer #9 · answered by Rake 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you don't really WANT to have sex--am I right? There's nothing wrong with it. If you're comfortable on your computer, try to meet someone online at a site like celibatepassions.com. After a few email exchanges, you can arrange to meet up!
2007-01-22 00:41:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk with a psychiatrist. He or she might have some suggestions for you. Society sometimes looks at psychiatry as punishment. It's not. They are there to help you organize your thoughts better and they can help. And stop beating up on yourself.
2007-01-22 00:43:17 · answer #11 · answered by Santa C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋