Why didnt she say "I love you" too?

Question

We've been dating for a year now. We are exclusive and all. We have been pondering a future together. She introduces me to her family member as her boyfriend. So far so good, you may say.
But there are some things I still dont get, and make me doubt about what she feels:
- She rarely shows excitement when we meet
- rarely is romantic to me
- is NEVER jealous
- rarely says the things she likes about me
- She's NEVER said "I love you"

I'm not that romantic eithter, and truth be said, I hadnt said ILY first. I thought she was waiting for me to say it , so I said it. She said NOTHING in return. I then I said I wondered why she was never romantic at all, she said "thats the way she I am." "What do you want me to say?" I asked her if she was happy with the relationship, she said yes, that she wouldnt be with me if she wasnt, and that a guy like me is hard to find.
Most of her actions say she cares, but on the other hand she wouldnt say it overtly. Can you give some advice here? Thank

Contrary to what you may think, I'm not the typical guy who needs to be told ILYs and all that, it's not a matter of self confidence issues here. I actually dont like clingy girls. But I've dated a lot of girls who would say ILYs even more often that I needed, and having this one who NEVER says it is a little bit confusing. I just want to know where I am gettin into.

Answer 1

Ok, so it sounds like I am a lot like your girlfriend.....I rarely show excitement when I meet up with my boyfriends (even now that I am engaged I don't really.....and if I fly back home for a few weeks alone, I don't cry when my fiance drops me off at the airport, or even get upset). I am rarely romantic, am very very rarely jealous, and don't really praise my fiance a lot. Oh, and when my fiance told me he loved me, it took me about two months until I said it back. Ok, here's the thing, everyone does things in their own time. When my fiance told me he loved me, I just wasn't ready to say it back. I felt it, just wasn't ready to vocalize it. As to the not being jealous, I'm never really jealous of my fiance, and that's because beyond a doubt, I TRUST him. I know that no matter what happens, he's not gonna cheat on me, so if I see a girl flirting with him it doesn't bother me, because I know he's coming home with me at the end of the night. And remember, some people just don't like showing their emotions on their sleaves, but just because she isn't showing them, doesn't mean she's not feeling them. If she's happy with your relationship, and is discussing a future with you, then most likely you does love you and you have nothing to worry about. She could just be one of those people who keep their feelings locked up tight. At any rate, don't stress over it, if you are happy with her, then that's all that matters.....let her handle things her own way, otherwise you might push her away.

Answer 2

Sounds like altho there are things you agree on, A relationship is built on two people working toward the same goals. You seem like the romantic type, why else would it bother you she wasn't? I think you need to look a little deeper inside of you and look ahead to see if this is the right one for you. Being confortable isn't love....you may find later in life you are lacking some very important points there. Love is a biggie and sounds like shes more controlled and that dosen't make her a bad person ...but you on the other hand did say I love you and she didn't respond back.....think this over....everyone deserves to be met equally on the road to a relationship maybe she's got other plans? Good Luck and God Bless!

Answer 3

First of all, stop asking her about her love. The main thing you are together and she is satisfied with the relationship. you're together for a year and that's itself mean something. Words are not necessary at times, when you both feel right about each other. What kind of person is your gf? Does she show affection to other people like her friends or relatives? Have you ever heard from her that she said words like 'I love you' to someone else? I understand that you want to be sure in her feelings, but these words are so unstable, believe me. My friend Mary was dating a guy, and he said "ILY" in no time after they started out. She didn't reply to it, and he seemed to be insulted. Mary just needed time to determine herself, and later she said 'ILY' when she felt so. he was elated to hear. but soon he went, not explained the reason why, and Mary still wonders why he said ILY so many times and left so soon. She'd prefer he didn't say that that soon. Perhaps for your gf one year is not a long period? Also, I know couples that live most of their lives together and very happily, and never say ILY to each other, they just know it. Just care less about these words that trouble your mind, and be happy with your other half. Say her ILY if you really feel that and want to share your feelings. I'm damn sure she'll be happy to hear.

Answer 4

Please back off and give her some space. She doesn't love you yet. She may never come to love you like you need to be. If you are the sweet touchy-feely kind of guy that needs hugs and kisses and intimate talk, you may never find it with her. Her heart is waiting. I know you have seen her excited about other things so you know she has it in her.

So if you can have a heart to heart with her..do it. Find out why she cannot or will not treat you as you expect.

To be told I love You is very important to most people. After a year it should flow freely. So be cautious not to marry a woman who will leave you cold. A woman who doesn't think you are the best thing that ever happened to her. And you won't be stuck with an emotional cripple who may never love your children either.

Answer 5

Some people are not given to displays of affection. It is very common in men and less common in women, but it is possible.

She could have a very analytical and practical outlook on life. She may have been raised that way.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with her ability to love or be loved. She has her own way of showing it. The problem will be whether you can continue in a relationship where you will crave something you might never get.

Love is making compromises and concessions. Are you willing to live with a partner that isn't as demonstrative as you like?

Good Luck.

Answer 6

Ok, I'll answer the following and show you why they are not negative signs:

- She rarely shows excitement when we meet
She is used to being around you, a year is a long time, she is comfortable around you, which is good.

- rarely is romantic to me
She is afraid to express that side of herself, ask her about this, maybe she has just been stressed out lately or busy.

- is NEVER jealous
She trusts you enough to know you will not cheat on her, which is good.

- rarely says the things she likes about me
You never ask what she likes about you? Perhaps she is inexperienced in relationships, show her the way.

- She's NEVER said "I love you"
She may not realize she has never said it, but actions speak louder than her telling you that.

See? From a different perspective, this situation doesn't look so bad.

Answer 7

She does like you and she's taking you very seriously. It is rare for two people to truly be ready to tell each other "I love you" initially at the exact same time. She didn't say it just because she thinks you want to hear it. She's waiting until she's ready to do it on her own time - when she feels she really means it. That's a good thing.
Actions do speak louder than words. Sometimes people just aren't good at expressing themselves in words. Usually it's the guy. In your case it's the other way around.
If you do love her, just give her the time she needs. Maybe she has trouble trusting men and is being extra careful with you. I wouldn't take it personally.
When I started seeing my now husband, I was very untrusting because of a past relationship, and he had never told any female those words besides his mother. It took us a very long time to say it to each other, and the first time he said it to me was about a month before I started saying it to him - but now we say it every day!

Answer 8

You may require different signals/signs of reinforcement of your relationship than her. You may resolve this by having a few small conversations where you give examples of your expected behavirous/signals for certain situations- eg whether you hold hands or have hand around the waist in various public places etc.
Second, do you really love her? most girls have in-built radar for this, and just saying you love someone may not show them/make them feel loved... in these cases actions often speak lolouder than words eg- she has a cold and you stay to look after her or make her comfortable and still spend time with her rather than going out with other friends etc.

Answer 9

Sometimes its hard to be demonstrative if it's expected of you. You couldn't bribe a five year old with 1 million dollars to kiss ugly aunt Martha, no matter how much you beg. You're coming off as needy and dependant--are you a Leo, perhaps? Do you thrive on her attention? Why don't you relax and enjoy the ride. Stop pushing so hard, love comes naturally or not at all, and nothing you do will change that

Answer 10

According to Gary Chapman there are "Five Love Languages." Get the male version and see if she may be displaying love signs that are not only sexual. One need not say "I love you" to be in love with you. She could be showing you these other loves that are not obvious to us guys. On the other hand, you must get some feedback of love to know what direction you want to take the relationship. The book is simple, but helpful in describing all the love switches couples have to push between them. Try it.