My fiance has had a lot of stress with work, his parents, and just been having a bad few weeks and it seems like i go out of my way to help him with all of his problems, reminding him of appts and making sure he puts a smile on. But as soon as something wrong happens im the one and only one he takes it out on. We have a great relationship, and this is one of the only times we have nothing to argue about. for once its not my fault that hes feeling upset. But he insists on fighting with me over every word i say or if i try to help him and he just complains and yells and i just listen to him to try and help. Should i just not help him or should i ignore him?
2007-01-21 16:24:15 · 12 answers · asked by Angelina A 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
ummm assuming you are a perfect person who is just being yelled at for no reason the way your story reads then i would have to say this...
wtf are you doing? and after he finally blames you for something and ends it, will you give me a call, because if a girl ever acts like she cares about me the way you just described then id be willing to do whatever...
id have to see it to believe it though because ive been here for about an hour and a half now and i just read over 200 posts, most of which have been women trying to convince other women to dump their husbands or "tell them to bla bla bla" and trying to convince daughters to move away from their fathers.
basically of all the women i know and all of the opinions ive read today or heard id say ive probably got about 300 women or so fresh in my memory and id say about 285 of them are too selfish to ever have a successful r-ship.
2007-01-21 16:35:50 · answer #1 · answered by THEMENACE47 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's the testosterone build-up and the stress that's driving him up a wall. I've been known to lash out at my loved ones for the same things (and she certainly did *not* deserve it). All guys (there are very few exceptions) have problems dealing with anger. Just keep in mind that it's nothing personal, and that you are not to blame (like you have been doing).
You are doing a very remarkable job by keeping up with his appointments and being there for him. He will remember this and, if he's smart, will do the same for you in your time of need.
However, I say back off a little bit. It could be that he sees you as being over-bearing (much like the stress with his parents and/or work). Remember that stress blinds people into thinking strange things that aren't necessarily true. People tend to realize what they've lost once it's not there.
PS - I hope that my future spouse/fiance/girlfriend has a similar, caring heart that you do.
EDIT: Also, talk to him. Tell him that you're being treated unfairly and make sure he knows it.
2007-01-21 16:58:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're engaged sweetie and you love him than the answer to this question is simple. Stay and help him. Just think of it as practice for when you guys are married. There are going to be bad days and there are going to be good days, there are going to be days where he has a bad day and he takes it out on you. Stress can do that to people. Don't worry you'll have your turn, when life is kicking you down you'll do him the same way. But you two are going to be all each other has for the rest of your life and if you are not ready or willing to do it now than what makes you think you are willing to spend the rest of your life with him? If you love him, and you are ready to accept this and deal with this for the rest of your life, than marry him and keep in mind that marriage is not all peaches and cream. Be ready for hardships babe, just let him know how you feel. And he better be apologizing after he goes off, he doesn't than maybe you guys aren't ready to be married. He should be finding comfort in you, not attacking you, things will only get worse. You can be his outlet, the only day where he has peace, but as his wife-to-be you have to be willing to be there with him no matter what as well. If you're not ready for this responsibility, take some time to yourself and make sure this is what you really want for the rest of your life. I wish you the best of luck sweetie!
2007-01-21 16:34:35 · answer #3 · answered by April 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quit being your boyfriend's mother. You don't need to help him keep appointments or tell him to smile. As long as you help with "all" his problems, you've given him the excuse to blame his failures on you.
This isn't a relationship. It is what they call co-dependancy. It isn't healthy. This is not what you would describe as a mature relationship. You want to take care of him and make all his problems disappear....and even take the blame for them when they don't disappear. He wants a crutch to lean on and attack you when things go bad for him: real or imagined.
You can't be serious about calling him a fiance?
Take a break from this mess.
2007-01-21 16:33:10 · answer #4 · answered by Crispy_Frog 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is water decrease than the bridge and that's unlike you have been engaged then or which you had a sexual relationship. you do no longer tell each factor of each theory that has ever come into your head to every person. entire honesty in this ought to no longer help your situation or make him have confidence you. You have been being a newborn and there is no longer something incorrect with that. permit it circulate and circulate on. in case you're so traumatic approximately this however, I heavily question in case you're mature adequate to be marrying every person.
2016-12-12 17:18:36 · answer #5 · answered by zagel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like you said, he's stressed over everything that's going on and since you're probably closest to him you get to b on the receiving end of his frustration. You should let him know that it's not fair that he takes it out on you, and remind him that you are there to help him but NOT to be the person he takes his troubles out on. If he still does it, then I suggest ignoring his outbursts until he gets over his issues.
2007-01-21 16:30:31 · answer #6 · answered by SugarSweet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK. so let me get this straight. You are going out of your way to be helpful to him, you are making up excuses for his unacceptably rude behaviour, and you are wondering why he is treating you like a doormat. Here's a flash for you honey: It's because you're acting like one!
Yes, by all means, ignore his childish tantrums. But also ignore the rest of him. No more making appointments for him, no more cutting his food on his plate, no more wiping his a*ss. Sheesh, woman, where is your pride?
2007-01-21 16:29:35 · answer #7 · answered by Liz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop helping him for a few weeks and then let him realize that you were doing something helpful for him. Guys tend to become jerks when they are under stress and they think that we have to deal with it.
2007-01-21 16:28:42 · answer #8 · answered by Waythere 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should tell him that he shouldn't take it out on you.
Sometimes my fiance is having to deal with a lot of stress, and he'll start acting rude towards me, and I just tell him that he needs to stop being rude b/c I didn't do anything.. and he normally realizes it and apologizes...
2007-01-21 16:29:12 · answer #9 · answered by F.J. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When it comes to family you can never tell the man anything because what ever you say will be the wrong thing. Their really is nothing you can do that will please him. Maybe a little counsling would be in the best interest.
2007-01-21 16:43:30 · answer #10 · answered by littlecloieinttown 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋