My bf and I have been dating for 5 months. Before me, he dated a girl for 3 years. She lives in MN, and he lived there too until he moved to VA (where I live) for law school. They're very close because they were best friends for such a long time. Last semester, she was constantly calling him and sending him cards, trying to get him back. He assures me he's not interested in her, but nonetheless, they still talk a lot. For instance, he's supposed to come over to hang out with me tonight, but he got a call from her and they've been talking for an hour. He called me and said she called and that he'd be over soon. This REALLY bothers me. I don't talk to my exes for hours. But then again, I never dated someone for 3 years. Is it weird that this bothers me so much? I'm trying to be understanding because he's been up front and honest, but part of me keeps assuming the worst (that there's still something there). What should I do?
2007-01-21 15:52:08 · 13 answers · asked by skichamonix515 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I told my bf it bothered me they talk so long, and he said, "It's like I told you up front...I have this really great friend in her, and I'm not going to give that up." I don't think he should either. I just can't stop feeling insanely jealous. Please help!
2007-01-21 15:53:05 · update #1
I have asked him who he wants to be with, and he told me he wants to be with me. He told me he loves me and not her. But, I'm still bothered.
2007-01-21 15:58:33 · update #2
hes still emotionally attached to her -- while he doesn't need to give up the friendship he should stop being emotionally dependant on her - why talk to her for hours about stuff when he could be talking to you- he needs to understand that you need him not only physically with you but emotionally and right now emotionally hes still with her - I've remained friends with my exes but it more like occasionally we'll chat to catch up on whats going on in each others lives but its not a consistent thing that makes me push off my guy for them
2007-01-21 15:59:43 · answer #1 · answered by min 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to be jealous.
You need to step back and think a little. If he really cares about you then he will not stand you up for an hour or so talking to his ex.
I think this is a man who doesn't appreciate what you are worth to him. He still loves his ex and she is doing a darn go work at trying to get him back...and succeeding at it too.
I mean if he considers you that important then why should he be messing around with your feelings.
Forget about the 3 years he has been dating her...that is not your business. You are a person and hence he must respect your feelings if he considers you his new found and better love.
I can imagine what will happen when she comes over to visit in VA. Lady, you will be definately ignored for that period of time. Come to think of it...He might have just broken off with her because he was relocating and that didn't go down well with her and him. So, they are still in love, but far apart and you are just icing on the cake for him. (sorry for being so blunt.)
I think you need to have a serious talk with him and let him know that you are not going tolerate him messing around with your feelings. You have every right to be jealous...I don't even think it is an issue of jealousy...how will he like it if you did the same thing to him???
If he got a call from her he should have been man enough to let her know that he has a very important date and that they could talk later.
Please, don't give him the chance to disrespect you...you are too precious for that...
2007-01-22 00:16:33 · answer #2 · answered by Dazanix 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard one!
You will always be a little jealous when there's another woman in the picture, whether it's an ex, a friend a co-worker, whatever! It's in our nature to assume the worst, especially if we've been cheated on before. It seems that this is an unbearable situation for you, so it needs to be changed!
Either you are going to continue to be put on the back burner to the so-called ex, or you're going to stand up for yourself. It's perfectly cool for them to have a friendship if it includes you, but it's a problem when it interferes with your personal time!
If this is a guy that values your relationship, he will completely understand how you feel and conform to respecting you. If he doesn't want to conform, it's better you find out sooner than later!
2007-01-22 00:00:41 · answer #3 · answered by Bryan's Wife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right to be bothered by this. He is being an unbelievably thick moron, and the fact that he told you upfront doesn't make things any better. Next time he calls to tell you he is going to be late coming over because he hung on the phone for an hour with his ex, sweetly say: "Oh, don't bother now, I am just on my way out the door, I am going out with a REALLY GOOD friend of mine." Maybe if he realizes that his immature behaviour is threatening to cost him his current relationship, he will let go of the previous one. Because so far, he hasn't.
2007-01-21 23:58:26 · answer #4 · answered by Liz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He gave her up for a reason. It could be all he wants from her is a friendship. Let him know how you feel, although it seems that you are very insecure in your relationship with him. When I put a bf down, he's down. That does not mean that I will never speak to him again or that we can't be friends. It means that the love making is OVER. If you harp on this too much he will soon tire of you and you will also be a past relationship. I have always heard, 'If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't then it never was.' Grow up and be a woman.
2007-01-22 00:02:16 · answer #5 · answered by ohyo5o 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't like it either, but it may be harmless. First of all, they don't live near each other anymore, so the chances of him cheating with her are remote. Also, I have seen this behavior before with a friend of mine who had a long term girl friend in high school whom he dropped when he went to college. He used to talk to her a lot, but it never went beyond that. I would say to stay the course for now.
2007-01-21 23:57:13 · answer #6 · answered by jhartmann21 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i would say jealousy can be good sometimes cus it shows that u care but then yeah if i were u i would think something too, well try to find out more information about him and if he is trying to be sneaky then leave him cus people shouldnt get cheated on,BYE
p.s. he should also not lose ur guy's time of beong together over his ex!! im assuming something...DAMN its NOT good either
2007-01-22 00:00:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it happens. there might be something up but don't worry about it. i say talk to this girl and tell her whats up. tell her to stop calling constanly that is getting a like annying about that ur bf talks to her longer then he either postpones things with u or comes over late.
2007-01-22 00:10:37 · answer #8 · answered by Angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My X and I are good friends and sometimes talk to her a little too long but my present wife likes her too, we all get along fine.
2007-01-22 00:03:09 · answer #9 · answered by lonetraveler 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually that's normal. It would be really bad if you go mad at him. He told you tha they're only friends so it's only friendship. Maybe it's better for you to try make a friend with her too.
2007-01-21 23:58:54 · answer #10 · answered by d1g1b0y 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋