it seems I do things that irritate him but he says nothing. That is until he has a bunch of anger. Then he won't hardly speak denies a problem. Then he starts yelling. I wish he would tell me as soon as I bug him because then I would stop whatever it is. last week it went on all day then he started yelling. today he just stopped speaking. He is asleep now so I guess in the morning he will do his yelling. I never ever know what he is mad about until he yells. Like right now I have no idea what his problem with me is. The thing is I am starting not to care. I can't even remember what made him angry last week.
2007-01-21 15:41:17 · 14 answers · asked by mary texas 4 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Do you really think it is a problem? Today when he started sulking I asked him once. He denied a problem. I just went about doing my own thing after that. he will blow tomorrow I guess.
2007-01-21 16:21:48 · update #1
Your bf's a controller. Both the silent treatment and yelling with displaced anger (suppressed irritation from previous incidents) are control strategies. They keep you unsure of yourself and where you stand in the relationship. If you can't confront him with this in an adult manner and insist he examine it and get help if necessary, leave before it turns into a more abusive situation.
2007-01-21 15:53:21 · answer #1 · answered by Trader S 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you've never read Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus, go to the bookstore and pick it up now. Here's the short version of the chapter on communication. When women are upset, they want to talk about it. When men are upset, they want to be alone to brood. You're man doesn't want to talk to you about his issues. Don't take offense- most men are like that.
Now with that being said let's talk about the yelling. Apparently he doesn't know how to communicate his displeasure without raising his voice. My dad did that so I am very use to this scenario. It could be that he has anger management issues or that he was raised in a household where anger was only expressed by yelling. Most likely you are not the one causing his anger but you are his scapegoat and an easy target.
You have a few choices here, you could take the abuse. (Somebody who yells all the time can make for a very toxic living situation) Chances are unless he realizes his need for change, he'll continue on his rants. Or you can pick up your stuff and tell him that you can't deal with it. Because you are starting not to care, this is probably a good time to leave. Maybe when he realizes that his attitude and actions caused you to leave, he will be more open to his problem and want to make a change.
2007-01-22 00:07:42 · answer #2 · answered by CAITLIN 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
The poor guy doesn't know how to expose his emotions I can say. We need to have some empathy for such people. Just sit with him for some time when he's a bit cheerful, tell him a couple of jokes, or the nice things that happened when both of you were together and when he calms down get serious and tell him something like this, "Yeah, we had some good time together didn't we? - It's a sad thing that I don't know how to please you - about the things that you like and don't like. It would be nicer if you let me know your feelings. I wouldn't mind if you tell me what I did irritated you. In fact, I'd gladly accept and change myself. I don't want our relationship to end - please" Add the 3 magic words in the end(" I love you") if you really love him
Now this will not only keep both of you happy but would help develop a better realtionship as well. The best way to deal with any human problems is to talk things over and clear both your minds.
2007-01-22 00:03:51 · answer #3 · answered by Helen S 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
And I'll bet he doesn't remember what made him angry last week either.
Men are not hard wired the way women are, so don't expect him to be like a female. A woman will tell you what is wrong when you ask. A man will not.
See if you can pick a time when neither of you is angry, and have a SHORT talk about this. Don't start to accuse, and don't let him start to accuse. The point is to try and figure out the triggers while you both have cool heads.
2007-01-21 23:51:28 · answer #4 · answered by huckleberry 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
People that act like this are either on drugs, have communication problems or mental issues (manic depressive , bi-polar), or a combination of these. If he won't seek help, you should get out now. You don't want a bad situation of him yelling at you to become even worse if he turns violent.
2007-01-21 23:57:23 · answer #5 · answered by annazzz1966 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I have experience with people like that. I had a school bus driver who was all smiles, but inside he was building up steam. Finally he would explode and say or do stupid things. I could not get him to deal with the problems as they happened.
I gave him forms on which to report incidences daily, but he didn't use them.
I concluded it is a personality trait which is not possible to break.
2007-01-22 00:26:36 · answer #6 · answered by saddlesore 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can't live like that. He has some problems. They are not yours to solve. You need to take care of yourself. Find a man that treats you well always, not just when it is convenient for him. Anybody can do that. But good people can treat you well even when they are angry.
2007-01-21 23:49:13 · answer #7 · answered by g g 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When you stop caring about what is making him mad, that is probably when you stop caring about your relationship. Most guys cant express them self like women so they keep it all in until they are boiling like a tea pot. That's just a guy thing. But try to see what it is that makes him tick...there has to be some sort of relationship between last weeks blow up and this one that is about to happen. Figure out what it is that makes him tick and try to avoid doing those things...especially when you see him getting quiet.
2007-01-21 23:51:10 · answer #8 · answered by Pink Poka Dots 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I don't know why he does it, but if you feel that you want to keep your relationship alive, I would suggest sitting down with him some time, when things are calm, and ask him what's wrong; how he's feeling. But, if you don't want to go down that path, just end it. No relationship needs to stress that he puts down on you.
2007-01-21 23:55:33 · answer #9 · answered by Rae! 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
sounds like he has anger management issues.. he needs to get professional help. and if he doesn't or if anger escalates you need to get away from him.. so far it is emotional and verbal abuse but can rapidly turn into physical abuse... you need to make sure you are safe.. more than likely his anger has nothing to do with you. he just makes excuses to vent it on you...
2007-01-21 23:55:53 · answer #10 · answered by willie 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋