me and my fiance have been together for a year and three months. were getting married april 21st. im 18 hes 20. were wanting to move in together...but the thing is my parents are saying that i cant (i still live with them) until i get married. theyre are saying that it looks bad and that we have to be married before together. i think this should be mine and my fiances decision. but like always they are butting into our business. i would just go ahead and do it but theyre are saying that if i do, they are not coming to my wedding and that my fiance wont be welcome to their house and all this crap..im so stressed about it. are they being unreasonable or am i? does anyone have any advice they can give me or tips that i can talk to them about?
2007-01-21 15:28:06 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
yes they did live together before they got married. my mom was 14. im not even allowed to spend the night with him and i have a 12 clock curfew.
2007-01-21 15:39:09 · update #1
OMG! This brings back memories. I tell you my parents tried to pull the same crap on me, except I was 21 years old with a 12 oclock curfew. My mother was 14 when she and my father got married, although they did not live together beforehand. By the time she was 24, she had 6 children. But, I guess she still thought she knew what was best for me.
When my husband and I met, we fell in love at first sight. He proposed to me after 2 months of dating. After 9 months of hardship from my parents, I decided to move in with him (I was living in an apartment my father built me on the side of their house). Mind you, I was 21 and paid all my own bills, yet they were still trying to pull back the reigns on me. My mother threatened that they would not attend my wedding, yada-yada-yada and it kept me in an uproar, but I kept my eye on the prize. I wanted more than ever to be married to my husband. When they saw they couldn't get a response from me, they ended up giving in. Now we've been married almost 16 years and live on the side of them and have a 6 year old daughter and a son on the way (in 4 weeks).
When you marry him, they will have no choice but to accept him into the family. You do what you want to do and what you feel is right. You are of legal age and legally they can't tell you what to do. They will try to pull all this wedding crap on you because they know how important it is that they be present at the wedding.
If you must talk to them, tell them that if they skip out on your wedding just because they disagree on how you are conducting things, they will regret it forever (and I promise they will).
2007-01-21 16:08:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, as far as I can see, your parents are just old-fashoned. If I were a girl and I was in your position, I would just obide by their wishes. I know that you're 18 and you are probably sick of listening to what your parents say and ready to start your own life, but what happens if you and your fiancee divorce 8 months down the road? As is the stigma of most young married couples. Don't get me wrong, I wish you the best of luck and I pray to God thateverything works out and you tewo will be together for the rest of your lives, but always stick with a sure thing. By that I mean don't piss off the people that will stick with you for sure. You'll be married soon enough and when you do get married, moving in will seem that much more special.
2007-01-21 15:37:29 · answer #2 · answered by Searching4Answers 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is set up to protect the woman not the man. Men don't get pregnant, don't have to worry so much about their reputations. When a woman gets married, she takes on the last name of her husband. He will be the one who provides for her and her children.
Since marriage involves you and your fiance, the public, God, and your respective families, then do the right thing and wait. He shouldn't be putting pressure on you to move in. It's to your benefit and the benefit of your future children to get married before you live together.
What if you lived together, you got pregnant, and he decided not to marry you and left you and your unborn child. It happens, it's not funny and it's no fun standing 2 hours in a line to get food stamps or welfare. Your life would be ruined. Having a child is wonderful in a marriage with a loving husband. Not so good out of wedlock. The pleasure it takes to create a baby lasts about an hour at the most. It takes 18 years of hard work to raise a baby to an adult. You need to think about that.
Marriage is designed to protect the woman, not the man. Be careful and do the right thing!!
2007-01-21 15:52:35 · answer #3 · answered by akweasel1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your looking at a couple of months. Why would you want to do that now?What's more important living with him or your parents being mad for a long time? I agree with you that it's your decision but April 21st is not that far away. And I think both sides are beng unreasonable. You want the freedom from the parents and the parents want control of you. Someone is going to be hurt anyway you slice this.
2007-01-21 15:48:17 · answer #4 · answered by lynnie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're 18 and can do what you want, however, if it means a lot to you to have them at your wedding why mess things up and get off on the wrong foot just for a couple of months. Aren't you going to college or getting a GOOD job before you settle down? It's always better to become independent and self-sufficient before you start depending on a man. To go straight from your parents' house to some guy's house means you've not a whole person yet.
2007-01-21 15:35:13 · answer #5 · answered by Raven 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it really is truly unreasonable. i'd hit upon a sparkling position to stay, because i in my opinion do not post with position of abode complexes which cost a lot money they discourage pets. Is it feasible that the preliminary $500 turned right into a deposit? maximum apt complexes cost a great deposit, and then cost in step with month. every time I moved to a sparkling apt complicated, I negotiated a 2 for a million puppy fee, so I purely paid for one puppy even although I had 2. once you flow, attempt that. If the leasing agent seems hesitant, commence speaking about different apt complexes you've visited and issues they have presented you.....it truly works.
2016-10-15 22:18:26 · answer #6 · answered by charis 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask ur parents if they were living together before they got married and if they say yes then ask them what the big deal is anyway. tell that u love the guy and want to be with him even though u two aren't married yet.
2007-01-21 15:36:41 · answer #7 · answered by Angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hm both of you guys have a point. but you parents probably know what they are talking about. your parents saying that they arent gonna accept you fiance is kind of unnessesary. but they are probably just saying this so that u wont move in with him but i think you should just go with what they are saying and stay home. if you do it now then they might let u move in earlier.
2007-01-21 15:36:35 · answer #8 · answered by luvmexico 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's only 3 months away. He will wait for you if he truly loves you. Patience is something young people don't have much of. I was in your position when I was 17, so I know how it is.
2007-01-21 16:12:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are 18 you can do what you want. They will probably butt in still after you tie the knott and judge everything you do and tell you how to raise your kids so get used to it.
2007-01-21 15:35:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋