I'm 21 raising my 5 yr old sister, need some advice?

Question

i have been raising my 5 yr old sister since my dad left a year ago (my mom died when my sister was born). i dont know how to deal with this though. the counselor we are supposed to have is off duty for a month and her boss is a flippin idiot. i dont know how to control this child though. she wont eat, she wont listen, she bites me, she throws herself on the floor. of course she is my sister so i cant (well i can but i wont) give her over to someone else. i just need help on how to control her.

just a note: i am not her sister i am her brother

Answer 1

You realize this is all because your dad left and things are messed up right now. Kids act up or act out when their life changes and they can't understand. She doesn't know how to show her emotions yet so that is her natural response of getting attention. I would talk to her about why she does that, ask her questions and make her think. Maybe you should really consider having your dad sit down and explain to her whats going on and that the way she is behaving is inappropriate. Why did your dad leave a 21 yr old to watch a 5yr old?

Answer 2

You've got it tough! But bless you for trying.

A lot of good advice here, because you do need outside sources to help you control her. Until you have some outside help though, why not buy a calendar and buy some gold stars and use it as a reward system. She can place a gold star on each day she gets through without acting out. Or two gold stars if she does other things you tell her to do, like brush her teeth and take a bath. When she has 10 stars, reward her with something small. Then when she gets 25 stars, reward her again. Or you can buy some poker chips and reward her that way. She collects chips for good behavior and when she has bad behavior, she gets some taken away. She can trade the chips in for special outings like going to a movie or something else.

She's 5 years old, and it is hard to compromise and reason with one so young . . . . and one who has anger issues. I wish you the best. And I hope you can get some serious help with her soon. This doesn't need to continue because once she hits puberty someday, she'll end up being a nightmare.

Answer 3

First off have the state go after your Dad for Child support 2 Then go to the bosses boss if she is a screw up to get help just follow the chain of command right up the line.
next to deal with an unrulley child You have to use time outs sit on the naughty space Get down on her level when you talk to her she hurting and acting out

Then also you may want to try going to this website Nanny 911 they have a message board that talks about all these things
http://www.fox.com/nanny911/ Get some support there.
Hugs darling Your a good soul.
Diane

Answer 4

Oh My! Bless your heart!
My nephew was somewhat like that...biting, kicking, hitting, refusing to eat, refusing to get in/out of the car, etc.
Try to say what you mean and mean what you say while expressing choices & consequences to her.
Biting, kicking, fighting used to lead to me picking my nephew up somewhat in a bear hug. I'd tell him, 'Son you are acting very ugly and while I do not like it nor approve of it, I still love you. No matter what you do I still love you. I will hold you here close to my heart until you are done with this tantrum and are ready to go eat.' At the beginning of his tyrades, I'd often tell him to 'take a deep breath and think about his choice...either sit politely and eat, sit politely and don't eat or go to the 'dot'. The 'dot' was an orange sticker I put on the door about 10" higher than his head. When I put it up there, I told him that it was a place for him to put his finger when he was having a fit and that when he could discuss his problem like a big kid, he could pull away from the dot & come talk.
Communicate love, use positive reinforcement frequently (even over little things that you may not think matter) and be consistant on your discipline. Make a routine, a schedule & keep to it. The more she can predict and expect from you, the more you can expect & predict from her.
I don't know if you & your sibling still reside in your fathers house, but if not, he should be paying for child support, health insurance, etc & you should be able to claim her as a dependant.
I'm wishing you the & your sister the best.

Answer 5

Has anything recently changed to cause her to behave this way or has this been an on-going problem? If something is bothering her, then try to find out what it is and try to solve it. Have you tried time-out? Give her instructions in a authorative tone, if she ignores you, then tell her since she didn't listen, she has to have time-out. Take her to a designed time-out area and make her sit quietly for the designed time( one minute per year, so 5 minutes). Time-out does not start until, she is quiet. After 5 minutes, ask her why she was punished, make sure her answer is correct and her tone repectful. Then allow her to get up. Don't yell or lose your temper. If you feel that you are too emotional yourself to deal, take a deep breath and calm down. As for temper tantrums, try to ignore her, when she figures out that they don't get her anywhere then hopefully they will stop. Not eating- don't allow junk food, this will spoil her appetite, offer her 3 meals a day and 2 healthy snacks, don't worry she will eat when she gets hungry. Good luck!!! You have done such a great thing by trying to raise your sister. God Bless you!

Answer 6

That is really rough and I'm sorry y'all are having to go through this. I'm sure she is upset with the situation, I suggest you should find another counselor or something or maybe even seek advice that is offered from a local church. I am not a professional, so I honestly don't know how you could handle this situation but all you can do is show her how much you care and love her and be patient. I'm sure she will come around. God bless you and your family and I totally respect the fact that you are raising your sister. That is really admirable, best wishes. :)

Answer 7

raising a child is harder than most people think. right now i am raising my fiance's 3 yr old son and he is in Italy for the guard but you just need to make sure that sure understands that you are in charge and you are the adult. and dont give into what she wants because then she will think that she can do whatever she wants and wont learn about decisions and choices or right from wrong. hope this helps, lol i could write a book on this. but if you need more help feel free to IM me at twilightsangels769.
good luck
Randi

Answer 8

What town do you live in? There are moms in every community who rival supernanny! Get someone experienced, QUICK! to get the immediate behaviors taken care of.

After the immediate behavior crisis is dealt with, get your sister to a child therapist who can help her talk out the pain and anger she feels.

Number One: Get breaks when you need it, kiddo. Call a pastor even if you're not religious so there will be someone to help you form that essential parent's support network that every parent should have. Look for moms and dads in the supermarket or at the daycare or at the park who seem to have well-adjusted happy kids with good behavior, and strike up conversation with them! Your situation is one which should earn astounded respect and concern, sweet brother!

Most important is for you not to depend solely on internet advice boards alone, in your situation. Ask advice of every person you see with a kid, where you live. And just remember that parenting doesn't come naturally to ANYONE, male or female. :)

Answer 9

God Bless you for being there for your sister, that was pretty lame of your father to leave you in charge of your sister, but that is his loss. Your sister, is no doubt going through some problems, but there is hope....as far as not eating, offer her food, don't force her, she'll eat when she gets hungry enough, as far as listening, continue talking to her, not yelling or demanding, give her little options, and as far as tantrums, throwing herself on the floor, just walk right by her and tell her when she is done, if she wants to talk to you, you will be .....wherever in the house...
believe me, that will go over better than yelling, screaming, hitting...she'll see that you love her and eventually stop....that's how I stopped my son from tantrums...talking to kids is the best thing you can do, and give them options, some people didn't agree with me because they thought I was giving my son too much power over himself....but you know what, he is 21 years old, very confident, very independent and making a better living then most of his friends, whose parents were the ones that didn't agree with me, and he is living on his own....

Answer 10

Maybe something is bugging her you know. But when I took a baby sitting class I learned that a child that doesn't eat is upset with something. But what you could try doing which I know most people will find "weird" to do with a five year old is sit her down and talk to her. Lay down the law. I don't mean you know punish her. But when she bites you should give her a time out. When she throws herself on the floor give her time out. For five year olds time outs are the best punishment. Now I know you say she won't listen so sit her down talk to her calmly, nicely and she probably will listen to you. I hope I helped you.