My sister in law is planning to have her wedding on the same day as her older sister (my wife's) birthday. We tried to talk her out of it, but she seems to be unwilling to compromise. She wants my wife to be in the wedding, but I don't think it's fair to make her sister choose to spend her birthday at her sisters wedding. Am I being selfish by thinking like this?!
2007-01-21 14:33:39 · 40 answers · asked by robjharley 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Unless there is some compelling reason--like future husband is shipping out to Iraq the next day, or the hall she's dreamed of her whole life is only available that one day, etc etc, that is INCREDIBLY inconsiderate to plan your wedding on your sister's birthday!
If the parents are still around, perhaps you can enlist them--or other family members--to gently point out to her that this is not a very good choice for her wedding day.
If not, though, your wife should just take the high road and be in the wedding without further complaint. And you as the good husband should plan a special birthday celebration for her on another day.
2007-01-21 14:40:35 · answer #1 · answered by EQ 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
When did birthday's become a sacred holiday? I think you may have other issues with your sister in law, otherwise you and your wife are very immature or very selfish.
My 5 year old is okay postponing his Spiderman Birthday party because his uncle is getting married the day after his birthday, so we put his party on hold until after the wedding. HE"S FIVE AND HE GETS IT!
There are a lot of factors when choosing a date - the world does not revolve around you.
A day is a day. You can celebrate your wife's birthday the day before, the day after, whenever you want. It is the time to celebrate her that is important...not the actual day it falls on.
What's going to happen when your kid has a dance recital on your birthday...ooops little Debbie, you're not important enought.
I think you are being very selfish. Perhaps if it were a milestone birthday and you had some large party planned, but otherwise, it is what it is.
Get over it!
Perhaps you can talk your sister-in-law into doing a small birthday cake and have the guest sing happy birthday to your wife. There.
Just think...now you don't have to take her out!
2007-01-21 15:59:24 · answer #2 · answered by apbanpos 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can help your wife celebrate her bday the day before or another time. If you feel so strongly, go out of your way to make it extra-special for her. How does your wife feel about this?
The way you worded your question, it sounds as if you (speaking for your wife) feel her playing a part in your sister-in-law's wedding is more of a chore than an honor.
Your sister-in-law could choose to have a special bday cake for your wife and to have a special "happy birthday" song for her, but I've only seen that done for children who spend their bdays at a wedding.
The point is, your sister-in-law chose her wedding day for a reason. The date a couple chooses usually has a significant meaning to them.
I hope you and your wife can be good sports and make the best of the situation.
2007-01-21 15:50:08 · answer #3 · answered by Happy Wife 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No I don't think it's selfish to not want a sister to have to choose one sibling over the other. To keep peace in the family your sister-in-law should have perhaps chosen another day for the wedding. Unless she had no other options booking wise in terms of planning the wedding.
But it sounds like there is some serious sibling rivalry going on there. If the sh-- starts to hit the fan ........ stay out of all the sisters paths. Speaking as a sister who still has many battles with my sister.
Good Luck
2007-01-21 14:50:55 · answer #4 · answered by Matreck 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are probably good reasons she had to choose that day. Find out why.
As for your wife, you can ease the discomfort of having her birthday taken over by her sister's wedding by having a birthday breakfast for members of the family (invite the sister getting married, too. She will probably decline because she's too busy.)
Another thing you might do is schedule the birthday brunch for the day after the wedding. The excitement is over, but family is still there. Could be a great birthday party and only the groom and new bride will miss it. Make it a surprise your wife won't forget.
2007-01-21 14:47:02 · answer #5 · answered by loryntoo 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
No, your not.
I was going to get married on my brothers birthday once because the hall I wanted was only available that day in that month that I wanted, I'm gald I changed it, I saw how bothered by it my brother was. Her sister isn't thinking of her feelings at all.
If I were your wife, I would tell my sister that I had plans for my birthday that day and I don't want to be in a wedding on MY day. It's like skipping your birthday, it's not fair. If her sister still doesn't get it then tell her you two aren't showing up, it's a special day to the two of you, not just her.
2007-01-21 20:31:00 · answer #6 · answered by LC 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you aren't selfish, your sister in law is real stupid to have it on her sisters birthday. Does she not like her, just have the wedding the day before or even after her birthday. It's mean to have it on her birthday because 1. everyone isn't really going to celebrate her sisters birthday everyone will be to focused on the wedding 2. years after the wedding she will still expect the sister to give her gifts on her wedding day 3. Do the sisters even get along?
2007-01-21 14:43:29 · answer #7 · answered by julyleobaby 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I'm in wedding planning stages and I can tell you everybody has an opinion on your wedding date. And its hard enough matching up your church and reception hall with everything else that you dreamed of and now every one has an opinion on the date. Her and her groom may have already decided that they can't consider those things. I'm in a bridal party on my 30Th but its one year I'll suck it up.I know your wife can't reschedule her birthday but its only one year.
Does your sister in law realize that she will forever have to share her anniversary with your wife's B-day? Remind her of surprise party's that will be on her anniversary and if they ever try to go away on an anniversary it may often conflict with the B-day. Now the question is, is the sister being a spiteful b-i-t-c-h or can she really not accommodate you.
2007-01-21 15:46:33 · answer #8 · answered by Weeeee... 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not being selfish. Your sister in law is.
My cousin planned her wedding to take a place aweek after my birthday. There is nothing wrong with that, but as the date grew nearer everybody forgot about my birthday, they were all too busy planning what they were going to wear on the wedding day.
Lucky for my cousin, I was used to feeling as though I wasn't good enough for anyone. I was used to people forgetting that I even existed, and only remembering me when they wanted to blame me for something.
Look how unfair it is for people to be born on a public holiday like Christmas or New Years Eve. People are so busy planning for those events they forget that it is a loved one's birthday.
Tell your sister in law to put herself in that situation and see if she'd like people to forget her birthday.
2007-01-21 14:52:05 · answer #9 · answered by Spikey and Scruffy's Mummy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hopefully your sister in law will also get her a nice birthday gift and as a nice surprise have a special birthday cake for her on the day of the wedding. It's not a crime to want to share the day as sisters. Ask your wife how she feels...her opinon is really the only one that matters. Does she feel impossed upon? Is there something she would rather do? How would you feel if the situation was reversed and it was your brother getting married on your birthday? Would you care?
2007-01-21 14:48:40 · answer #10 · answered by fuzzbutt 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋