I have recently found out that my maid of honor has been lying to my fiance and I on some serious issues. She has also been trash talking me to mutual friends,other bridesmaids, and even aquaintences. She is also taking credit for some of the helpful things my fiance and I did for a mutual friend. (We paid for the friends entire wedding and kept it between us and the friends gettin hitched.) I have no "proof" but the person that sat me down and told me.(EXTREMELY RELIABLE!!!) This person does not want me to tell the maid of honor it was her who tattled for fear of retaliation. (Understandable when the MOH has a rep for doing such) How do I approach this? Do I let it slide? She has never treated me like this (to my knowledge) before but in the past 5 yrs.I've seen it happen to others. I guess I should have seen the warning signs but I hoped they wouldn't apply to me. (I was wrong) I don't want a blow out fight before my wedding but how can I stomach to have her in it?
2007-01-21 14:15:49 · 19 answers · asked by Debbie S 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
The MOH had an indepth talk w/ the friend that told me and noone else was present. The MOH would know it was her that told.
2007-01-21 14:40:07 · update #1
I've also had issues w/ the MOH trying to "take over" the wedding planning and we argue because I won't go w/EVERY suggestion.
2007-01-21 14:49:55 · update #2
The tattler is the woman whose wedding I paid for. The MOH told this womans family that she was the one who made the wedding possible! The family didn't need to know that they didn't pay for their own wedding. That is how the tattler and MOH started the initial discussion.
2007-01-21 15:38:11 · update #3
I would really think twice about having her in my wedding. Just because you know all that the maid of honor has done. Think about your pictures. The moments you want to have fun. After your wedding if you let her go as a friend. You will still have to go back and look at your pictures and think of all the bad things this MOH has done. I would say something to her maybe not say what you know. If you dont want to, but take the MOH title away and say you decided that someone else would be MOH I would really think twice about her and her friendship. Because from what you wrote there she really isn't a friend. Good Luck with it.
2007-01-21 15:24:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm curious about the wedding you paid for that was kept between you, your fiance & the friends. Someone talked.
As far as this other situation, you can elect to keep your mouth shut and continue as is, or you can get this all out in the open and settle it once & for all.
Why is this other RELIABLE person telling you all this? Does this person stand to gain something for ratting this MoH out? Apparently not only can't you trust your MoH, but some of your other friends as well. I'd take a good hard look at them all.
Gather them all together and have a talk. And yes, there will probably be a "blowout" ; be prepared to need another MoH.
Fact. Though the truth may sting at first, it never does lasting harm. Those that have been honest, truthful & upright with you, will still be standing when all is said & done. You will find out who your real friends are.
2007-01-21 23:22:00 · answer #2 · answered by weddrev 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd say it depends on how much time between the wedding, and now.
If it were me, I'd say just tell her she's not invited. No need to have that kind of person at your wedding. Don't give her a reason, and have more security at the wedding, because likely she'll show up. If you are serious about ending the relationship, and it seems you have evidence that she has done this type of stuff to others, AND you believe your other friend's testimony, AND the fact that it is now focussed on you, there it is, cut and dried.
If she's talking to mutual friends, bridesmaids, and other aquaintances, the information could have come from anywhere.
The fact that you were an unsung hero for your mutual friend, well you did right by keeping it secret. Her claiming credit for it, nothing you can do, don't worry about that aspect.
You also might be tempted to let the wedding happen, with her in it. But based on what you say of her past behavior to others, she's likely poison, and who knows what might happen there, at the actual wedding or the reception. If she's there, it'll be too late to prevent her from making what is supposed to be a wonderful event a debacle.
Alternatively, call her up and ask her what the deal is. Accuse her directly, and gauge her reaction from there.
Good luck.
2007-01-21 22:28:09 · answer #3 · answered by A Military Veteran 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are going to have to deal with it sooner or later. You can do one of several things. You can tell her now and refuse to tell her who told you. This could blow her being your MOH, though. You could let it slide, and see if it continues to be a problem.
You really need to decide what is most important. In two, ten, or fifty years from now when you look at the wedding photos, will it hurt you to see her there? Will it hurt more to have her missing from such a memorable day?
It's not an easy question, but one only you can answer. Unfortunately, there is wild advice on here sometimes, and you are the one who has to decide what's best.
By the way, if only you and the couple (who's wedding you paid for) know about you footing the bill, how does she (the MOH)know? Obviously someone told...It sounds like she is jealous...
Good luck and congratulations!!!
2007-01-21 22:25:50 · answer #4 · answered by FrazzledMom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sound like she is jealous of you. maybe you could just tell her that you need her to do something different in the wedding ans ask her to step down as MOH. During one of her "take over" moments would be a great time. But whatever you do, don't brake the confidence of the other friend.
2007-01-21 23:03:13 · answer #5 · answered by lady_blu_iz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since she's supposed to have bad-mouthed you to others, call some of them just to confirm the accuracy of what you were told. Be very calm and business-like when you call the others and just say you're confirming some information your received. Don't discuss your feelings about it or what you're going to do; just that you're confirming the accuracy of the information. Once you've confirmed with other sources that what you've been told is accurate, you can confront your maid of honor. Sit her down and tell her you've been hearing some disturbing news and then advise her some of the things you've been told. The source doesn't matter (if she asks) since you've heard the information from more than one person. Ask her if she has a problem with your friendship and, if so, what it is. And, excuse me, but what kind of "retaliation" are we talking about? Physical violence, revenge? This woman doesn't sound like anyone's friend, to me.
2007-01-21 22:24:30 · answer #6 · answered by Yo' Mama 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just let her be in the wedding. The wedding is about you and your fiancee and it doesn't really matter about the other people. After the wedding, feel free to cut ties with whoever you want to, for if you do it now, it will bring so much unnecessary drama. It is a shame that this woman has the potential to ruin many things. Just ignore her and enjoy your future marriage! Congratulations!
2007-01-21 22:21:13 · answer #7 · answered by Walking Contradiction 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Think of this -- once pictures are taken at your wedding, there is no going back.
If she is really being a BAD friend, she is not being a friend at all.
You and your fiance need to confront her together. Sit and talk with her in a calm/relaxed fashion. Then let her know what you have decided -- out of wedding or in wedding.
I know what I would do --- but it is your wedding and your, so called, ?friend?.
Good luck and congratulations.
2007-01-21 22:22:37 · answer #8 · answered by JB 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This is tough.
I would just tell her that you have and her haven't been seeing eye to eye lately and you aren't happy.
Tell her that you and her did to take a break from being friends, period. And you have declined your invitation for her to be in the wedding.
No explanation is really needed to her, she is a backstabbing little bit**.
You don't want to keep quiet and have her in almost all the important wedding photos do you? I wouldn't.
2007-01-22 04:40:49 · answer #9 · answered by LC 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It really seems to bother you and I think you should ask the other people she has talked about you to and see what they say. This is your wedding day and you want people there who are truly happy for you. I don't like people to think they can get away with something behind my back, so I would probably say something to her but do what you feel comfortable doing. Have a great wedding.
2007-01-22 00:52:16 · answer #10 · answered by rhoyalstyle 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋