MY mother keeps giving me the same dirty looks that she?

Question

use to give me when she was mad or wanted to argue with me but now she has alzheimers and she has been living with me for the past 5 years. I have 3 sisters who abandoned her and have nothing to do with her but she always talks good about them and their children but my mother doesn't even talk to my children who are 3 6 8 and they think she is weird. All ahe does is stare at us all day while we wait on her hand and foot and either she acts snaughty towards us or she is sick and wants us to baby her. I can't do it anymore. I don't want to baby her and feel sorry for her, I have my own problems, she is one.My sisters just threw her out but yet i took her in and she is hateful to me. This is awful for me to feel like this, isn't it?

Answer 1

She has Alzheimer's, I don't think that she knows better or what's going on for that matter...

Answer 2

I don't think you should feel awful - you are just letting off steam. If I had to take care of my own children and an almost helpless adult, I think I would be crazy, too. Maybe you should look into a nursing facility or some kind of care that she could be with others - her age and nurses that are there to help her. You have your hands full.

Your sisters are acting childish - kudos to you for stepping up and taking something like that on. You need some help - if your sisters aren't willing, maybe the State is.

Answer 3

Check out the web sites listed. They should have support groups and counsellors for all your family - you, your husband & your children. They should also be able to help you with respite care (give you some time out!). They should even be able to talk to you about alternative accommodation for your mum if things are getting WAY out of your control at home. I know you love your mum (otherwise you wouldn't have taken her in) but you also have three young children to consider. You certainly are stuck between a rock and a hard place aren't you? Also, my mother has just been diagnosed with it (she is still in the very early stages and that is frustrating enough - but she is still currently capable of living on her own as long as my sister & I check that she has clean clothes and eats wekk!) All the best with this.

Answer 4

For you to feel the way you feel is normal. We cannot determine our behavior on feelings alone. Your mother is ill. Your burden is huge. If your sisters have abandoned her, the pain for her, if she understands this at all, is immense and she may talk nicely about them to pretend all is okay, or because she thinks they're dead, since they don't come around.

Who really knows?

It is very common for the person doing the caretaking to be emotionally abused. This may be because of the unhappiness caused by depending on someone else. It doesn't make it easy for you, but surely it would be easier to not take it personally, to see it as her disease.

Do you have respite care? Does she got to day care at all? YOu can get more help. Call social services in your community and the local AARP and start asking about elder care options.

You should act as is appropriate for you to act, and feel sorry for her. She is dying a horrible death. You should feel sorry for you - you're attending a horrible death and have essentially already lost your mom. It's hard to do our best while we are grieving.

So, forgive yourself, forgive her, and get some outside help to reduce your burden and stress.

Answer 5

You have my respect and my sympathies. Alzhiemers is a tragic disease and I wish there was a cure. It takes away your loved one piece by piece and what you are describing is quite typical of Alzhiemers induced dementia, and I am sorry to say that it may only get worse. Your mother is in a position where day by day her mind is slipping away from her, and it must be a terrifying experience for her, and the dementia can lead to what you are describing here. I have the greatest respect for children who choose to care for thier parent with this horrible disease, but in the circumstances that you have explained, having children present in the home and siblings who are not being supportive, unfortunately you will eventually have to look into finding other arrangements for your mother, as dementia can sometimes become violent outbursts that can place your children and your mother in danger of injury. Please contact the Alzhiemers Foundation or any caregiver's support group that may be in your area, as they are an invaluable resource of information and emotional support for people like you. Best of luck and God bless you.

Answer 6

Hi Fighting 40’s

First let me say I am in almost EXACTLY the same position as you are. The one glaring difference is my parent does not live with me.

It is VERY IMPORTANT to forgive yourself for the feelings you have!!

You feelings are completely NORMAL, understandable, and can be worked through and resolved!! IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON or Daughter.

I have sent you a detailed response, hope it helps, and absolutely DO NOT HESITATE if you want/need to respond.

I have put your question on my watch list and will check back for your response.

Answer 7

moms often have a harder time letting bypass of their sons than Fathers do-and Fathers have a harder time letting bypass of their daughters. often, women human beings imagine no woman is powerful sufficient for his or her sons. She will be having an truly hard time and thinks she is dropping you. Its completely unacceptable to say some thing like that, although, even with the reason. you want to make it very sparkling to them that in the adventure that they (your mom, especially) won't be able to be polite to the female you've keen to marry, then you surely can't spend time with them. Ask her why she stated what she did, and tell her that it become very hurtful and embarrassing, and also you'll't trust she might want to ever say some thing like that to the female you want. (if that is the way you experience, which it feels like you do).

Answer 8

Contact your local department of aging and get in touch with a support group dealing with alzheimers. They can help you more than any of us can. Hang in there, maybe it is time to look into a nursing home or Sr. day care to give yourself and family a break. Good luck.

Answer 9

As you know Alzheimer's is dreadful. It will get worse before it gets better. :( I know the guilt alone is driving you insane, but you need to research your situation - are you able to get some home care for her? There has to be a middle ground here otherwise resentment will kill the love you have as well......Caring for an aged or sick parent is a real tough job don't do it alone. *smiles*

Answer 10

No, it is not awful for you to feel this way - you have been given a terrible burden that is too much for you to bear. It's time for you to ask for help and if your siblings aren't filled with compassion and a sense of family than you need to find professionals who can counsel and advise you, both medically and personally. This is a horrible disease that progresses despite anything you do. So, remember, your mother's condition is not her fault or yours. Be strong and know that there are alternative solutions for this problem. All you have to do is ask for help.

Good luck!

Answer 11

No it isnt aweful, it happens when someone takes in someone else with a medical problem. It puts stress on your life. You are a much better person than your sisters. Just remember she has a disease and cant help it. There are places that should help you out with everything even someone to talk to about what you are feeling.