My mom yelled at me because of my attitude, what should I do?

Question

I have always been a spoiled girl with a bad temper. Thing is, I don't like to admit it. At first, I gave my mom attitude because I felt like she was stressing me out but she wasn't and I was the one who got her stressed with my whole attitude thing. Therefore, she yelled at me because of that and for all those previous times that was similar to what happened. I knew she did that to get the problems off her chest but I still cried because what she said was the truth: I was spoiled and I acted like some immature jerk. Later on, my mom calmed down a bit and she tried to discuss the problem with me and that she actually cared for me. So, things are better now except she's expecting me to improve myself.

The question is... how am I to change myself into a better person? I'll need to take small steps but I don't know how to start and my life is already a bit stressful for me with my academics and social life. Please help me to become a better person! Thanks.

Answer 1

You know I've typed this three times trying to get my message just right. On the last round I realized I had written three irrelevant paragraphs just so I could have a place to say the following words:

1) I am mad proud to have the opportunity to offer some small advice to a young lady who has the backbone to change. The fact that you can self actualize at such an early age is what will separate you from the people you hang with.

2) Your life will only get more stressful from here. Part of it is self made. Finishing your education is important, the grades that you earn to get there, not so much. Your banker in life will not ask you for your report card, nor will your employer give you a better starting wage and benefit package based on your GPA. All we want to know is that you started something and finished it. At least a diploma and a degree is even better.

3) The people in your social life will be less than irrelevant in ten years. The sad truth is that you won't be in touch with most of them by your sophomore year in college. What is important is the ideas you are now choosing to internalize. No one in this world will be impressed with you. However, it is critical that you know how to relate. It sounds to me like this is the direction your mom is trying to lead you. You're lucky to have that, even though you won't probably know it for another ten years.

4) Time is SO on your side. You're going to make a lot of mistakes along the line. Embrace them, learn what they have to teach you and move on. The reward for growing through the uncomfortable circumstances in life is not what you're going to get from it but what you're going to become through it.

5) Go give your mom's a hug. I suspect the two of you really need each other.

Good luck with everything. Maybe I'll see you in an applicant pool or job interview someday.

Answer 2

Hey Sweetie-
You're a teenager right? Tough time in your life. It sounds like you are well on your way to being a wonderful person. The fact you recogonize your need to change is the 1st and most major step.
The next thing is... it's not about you. It's what you bring to the "party". Make the decision every day to BE HAPPY. It's tough at 1st, but the more you choose happy, the easier it will get. Make a list of your long term goals. What do YOU need to do to reach them? The more you focus on others, like your Mother, the more you will notice others wanting to help you. You get what you give and it IS all about giving. How many lives can you affect in a positive way every day? You would and will be surprised at how far a simple smile goes. When you look back over your life, you'll want it to be beautiful. Make a decision now to be part of the soloution. Apologize immediately when you feel yourself begin to stress. Be gentle but firm with yourself. Choose friends who will challenge you to be all you can. Don't settle for less. You deserve an awesome life- pay forward.
Your Mom only wants the best for you and for you not to have to endure the stuff she went through. When it comes out bossy, remember her intensity is just her way of trying to impress the importance to you. When in doubt, ask yourself, "What would love do next?" Then do it. Have a beautiful life. Be blessed.

Answer 3

I think one way you can start, is either talk to your mom or someone you can really trust to talk about the stress you are feeling with academics and your social life. It will do wonders knowing someone is in your corner when things are getting hectic. Find other ways to calm down also. There are all kinds of techniques out there to help with the stress. Yoga, walking, etc. Just a suggestion to, maybe do the walking with your mom. Walking is great on clearing the mind. The bonus you can have a good heart to heart with her as you two walk. I think you are becoming a better person already by asking for help. :)

Answer 4

We need more people like you in the world. You are already ARE a better person just by 1)admitting you were wrong 2) reaching out for help! YOU GO!!! That is a HUGE step, one of the hardest things to do in life (even as adults) is to admit we are wrong.

So, baby steps are the next way to do it. Here are a few tips:

1) When something starts to bother you, ask yourself this BEFORE you do or say ANYTHING:
*Is it worth me getting upset over
*Is there a way I can fix this instead of getting mad?
*Why is this making me upset? Is it just me?
Just asking yourself these questions will make you think about your reaction before you actually react and may save a lot of bad things from being said or done.

2) Try to be more thoughtful. (Not that you aren't already). What I mean by being thoughtful...
*Instead of turning on the tv, take 10 minutes and go ask mom or dad if there's anything they would like you to do. (most of the time they will be so surprised by your question, they won't even be able to think of anything for you to do LOL)
*Leave little notes here and there for parents..such as...thanks for the great dinner last night.
*Start keeping a journal, but try to focus on POSITIVE things. Instead of making it a book of complaints, make it a book of thanks. List everything you are greatful for.

3) Choose your friends wisely. If they are causing you issues, get rid of 'em. You are too special to have ffriends that cause more harm than good. Your friends are supposed to keep you happy and uplifted. Not in total chaos all the time!

You'll get there. These are only a few tips, theres tons more stuff I could think of. Just remember, Everyone is allowed to get mad once in a while!!! Just try to relax and smile

Answer 5

Sweetie, if I could I'd give you a big hug. How mature you sound in your self awareness and understanding of how you are acting and why. The first thing you have to realize is that this is a very wonderful and difficult time for anyone (I'm assuming you are a teenager.) Emotions run close to the surface and many times battles between mothers and daughters are really all about separation anxiety! Tell your mother you love her and you appreciate her patience, tolerance and understanding of those "fight times."

Second, for you to stop focusing on yourself you now need to turn your eyes outward to humanity and start doing things that will contribute to making you become the woman you want to become. How about volunteering at a literacy reading program. Or, see if you can become a Big Sister? When you reach out to learn about others you really start learning about yourself!

Enjoy your new journey!

Answer 6

Your mom deserves a lot better treatment. You need to accept Christ in your life, and pray that your life will be on the right path. Right now your life priorities are all messed up. Read the bible, start with the new testament book of john. Attend church. Be thankful you are living and breathing, have a place to live and things to wear and food to eat. There are many children abused, hospitalized due to illness etc. Quit wanting material possessions. When you grow up no one is gonna care who made the clothes you're wearing or how your hair or nails are done. The people you're going to school with now will all go separate ways and live their own lives and not care or think about you or anyone else they went to school with. Start improving yourself from the inside out.

Answer 7

I'm having the same problem, sorry if I'm not much help. All I can say to you is that you just love your mom for who she is and try to understand where she is coming from (try your best even if it's hard). I'm not saying that you don't understand her, it's just that maybe by doing that, you guys can come to better understanding each other and your relationship can improve. Expect that she's not perfect and that there are times where it's hard, but over all, appreciate that she cares and if you're stressed about about something at school or with your social life, just talk to her about it. If she doesn't have time to talk to you, you can always call your friends up, or talk to your dad. You could also talk to your siblings and or cousins/relatives if it's something important.

Answer 8

I really think you're on the right track, admitting you have a problem. It's in your hands to change your attitude, think about your mom, she'll hardly do anything to hurt you, all parents think they're doing the best for their kids.

Think of her as your friend, care for her and change your thoughts about her, and you'll see that your attitude towards her will change. You have to think about your future a little bit and think that someday you'll have kids and how would you like for them to treat you.

You seem to know very well what your problem is, so i don' think you'll have trouble changing your attitude.

Good Luck!

Answer 9

You sound like you have a great mother. If you care for her you will try to be a little more understanding, and you will do whatever it takes to control your temper. People dont change overnight but with time you can make yourself a better person.

Answer 10

It does take work, but if you go slow at 1st it gets easier. When you know your doing something that really gets to your mom stop, then tell her sorry. Then ask her for advice on it, Im sure your mom would like to help you with becoming a better person.