if you have three adult children aged 31, 30, 26 all living with you, how long should you let them stay?

Question

2 children have jobs, 1 is studying (31 years old), the 2 children refuse to leave until they get married

Answer 1

I hope they are paying you rent. Even the oldest one that is 'studying'. They need to get out and be asults.

Answer 2

You need to tell the two that refuse to leave until married.That it is your home not theirs and you are giving them x amount of days to find some were else to live.Or they will be living on the streets.There is no reason a healthy adult should live with their parents.My mom didn't stand up and push my brothers out of the nest and now she is stuck with 3 dead beats in her home.My older brothers are 54,48 and 40 and she has them all living with her.She cries everyday because she can't stand having them their but since she never stood up to them before they don't take her seriously when she tells them they have to move out.You aren't doing your sons any favors by letting them stay.What is going to happen to them when you aren't around to take care of them anymore.You should tell the 2 with jobs that if they can stand to live with each other in your home then than can stand to live with each other else were.Tell them to go rent an apartment some were. Your 31 year old has no excuse either.I supported myself by working full time while I was going to school full time.I kept a 4.0 GPA and earned my 2 year degree in 1.And I was only 17 at the time.If your son wanted to he could further his education and support himself.He just rather mommy and daddy do all the work for him.

Answer 3

I don't think they are in any position to refuse to leave until they get married - unless you're saying the weddings are imminent and they are just asking pretty please to let them not have to get a new place to live for a few months until the wedding.

apart from that, if they are fully contributing adult members of the household - they do repairs, maintenance, chores, cooking, cleaning, and pay a fair share of the rent (20 - 30 percent of their income or so if parents are financially fine) - and their companionship is enjoyable, they should stay until you don't want them there.

if they are living as bums, as children - not helping, not paying - or not helping or paying much - then they need to move out pronto.

seeing it from a distance and not living it, that's what seems reasonable. add everything you know and feel for a complete recipe for success.

Answer 4

All 3 should have jobs!!! No matter if they are studying, not married/married, etc. They should be out on their own by now...Give them 30 days notice. That should give them plenty of time to save money for rent & security deposit.
You're not doing them any favors by not letting them grow up, letting them live with you. This is the real world!!! Let them find out what's going on now. They should've known WAY before this!!!!
It's your house...this "refusing" to leave business is ridiculous!!!
Good luck to you. Stand up for yourself...you'll feel better about it when you've made them become mature, responsible adults!!

Answer 5

They have already been allowed to stay too long! What is that "refuse to leave" business anyway? It's your house, tell them to leave! I moved out when I was 19, while working and going to school. There is no reason your 36 year old can't do for himself. If the other two have no problem living together now, then I'm sure they can be roomates somewhere else, it'll save them both money on rent & utilities. Living with you this long, I'm sure they've saved enough money for a deposit!

Answer 6

Give them thirty days notice. Let them get an apartment together and split the rent three ways. They are all of age and by allowing them stay is just supporting their weakness to grow up. Time to have a serious talk and set the new rules. Staying until they get married is ridiculous! Your job is done as far as providing for them in your home. Be honest with them and don't budge on the cut off date. No if's and's or but's. Good luck. Remember, you are the PARENT! Take control and hold on to it.

Answer 7

A few questions: Do you want them to leave? Are they paying rent and helping to care for the house and property? Do you have room for them? Are they respectful housemates? Are they financially able to live on their own? Have they ever lived away from home?

I ask these questions because I don't think there are any easy answers. At their ages, yes, they should probably be out on their own. If they have never left home, then it is probably a little late to start expecting them to leave on their own. So... they will probably need a little help (emotional and financial). It's your house, so you should be able to set some groundrules. I don't think it's horrible if your kids live with you, so long as they are able to function out in the world.

As an aside.... If I met a man who was still living at home after 30.... I think I would run the other way. No offense, but it would seem that he would lack certain skills. Most of us have "horrible roommate" stories from our early 20's. I think that helps to cope with living with a partner later in life. But.... that's another story.

good luck.

Answer 8

You need to talk with them individually, preferably outside the home.
They may get together and try to manipulate you so stand your ground. Adult children will most likely stay as long as you allow them because they are getting a free ride and you are enabling them which is very bad for them. You most be a strong parent and in charge as an example. They will not fly if you don't give them a push off the branch. DON'T LET THEM TELL YOU WHAT TO DO!!! It is your house, your life, you brought them up and it is time for them to have their own life and let you have your. They should be helping YOU. Remember you have the legal right to have them move out. When you talk with them, tell them you have brought them up and done your part, that they need to begin their own life and let you have yours. Tell the two that have jobs that they must give move out within 2 months. That is plenty of time for them to find a place. Tell the two girls individually that they are not in charge, that it is your place and you want to have your own life and they will have to get jobs and move out. If they want to get married, they will first have to be independent and able to take care of themselves. What if they never marry? DO NOT let them order you around. Have them out in three months. That is time to get a job, save, find a place and move. They can move in together to share costs. When you talk to the student, tell him the same things and get a timetable for finishing. My daughter worked a full-time job and a part-time and went to school slowly and had a roommate. Have him move out at the end of his next semester. Don't waver. If you feel weak, have a relative or friend or pastor help you when you talk with them. Have your support person keep you strong. If you don't have one, try and find one. Good luck and stay strong. Get you own life.

Answer 9

Well you must be very gracious letting them all in your home. I understand they have jobs, but how much do they contribute to the household. I was out of my moms when I was 18 and never had to go back. If they are saving for a house, then i guess its okay, but if they are just mooching off of you, its time to go. Thirty is plenty old to be supporting yourself. They can't REFUSE to leave, its your house. Stop letting them run it.

Answer 10

Are you asking us if it’s okay? Generally no it’s not society wise, however, my aunt is still living with my grandma and she’s 47 years old. The reason why is because my grandma is 83 years old and need companionship. My grandpa is dead and has been since the 70s so this really depends on the situation. You decide.

Answer 11

you really are doing them a DISservice by keeping them dependant on you. they are no longer "children" and haven't been "children" for a long time! in school or not they must learn responsibility for their lives. God bless the future brides or grooms (if they find any) who will have to raise them! they MUST learn what it is like to pay rent or a mortgage, live with others..all the things adults do. And God forbid they have children of their own.. push them out of the nest now for their own sakes.