Is it normal for me to feel like I am not a good mother anymore? I mean I try to spend time with my son and do fun stuff with him but he just seems like I am so boring or something. He is always playing video games. His grades are good so I don't keep him from it, he is a good kid and always does what I ask of him. I invite him to have a family movie night but he just doesn't seem interested. I feel sad, like we have lost the bond we used to have. Do you think its just me not wanting to let go of a son who is becoming a man? Or am I a bad mother for letting him do his own thing? I tell him how much I love him always but still I just feel so bad!
2007-01-21 10:05:32 · 24 answers · asked by Shae 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Quit beating yourself up. Your a great mom. Your son gets good grades, does what you ask of him, has friends I'm assuming....
It's just the age and stage. He is growing up and you have to back off a bit. Even though he acts like he is bored or not interested he probably is, and won't tell you....totally normal. You have entered the "teenage" years and they are difficult and kids pull away from parents and more towards their friends and activities...it pretty much sucks for us. Just be there, keep having some movie nights (just not every week), family dinners, invite him to include some friends...be cool, be there, love him and watch him grow...Good luck, and hang in there!!
2007-01-21 10:47:37 · answer #1 · answered by Barbiq 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think most Mom's feel this way at one point or another and it's not a reflection of your parenting. It sounds like you are trying to connect, but it is difficult at that age, because they are trying to become independent. You said he's a good kid and has good grades - so you're definately doing things right!
Maybe movies (or your kind of movies) aren't his thing? Don't give up, you can still find some common ground. Keep searching for something in common. Let him know that you're there for him, encouraging him to talk about his day - good or bad, continue reminding him that you love him, even making a special or favorite meal once in a while can mean a lot, even more than they are willing to say. Doing things that let him know he is "special" and important in your life, will stick with him for a long time.
I think it is normal, but that doesn't make it any easier, on either of you. I felt the same way with each of my boys around that age. Encourage and/or reward him when he makes good decisions or grades.
Things I did instinctively and considered unimportant or insignificant at the time, have often turned out to mean a lot to my boys as young adults.
This age is difficult on him and you, just cut yourself (and him) a little slack and remind him (and yourself) that he's a great kid and you're a great parent.
I have found 7 little words that seem to have a profound effect on teens and young adults:
I am so very proud of you.
Best wishes to both of you!
2007-01-21 10:50:38 · answer #2 · answered by kaydee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We have a fifteen year old son and are dealing with this same problem right now.
Video games are a very big part of it. You may not really be boring, but are you as exciting as the latest 3-D game. No you are not.
Last year we simply pulled the plug one day, while he was in school. After the first blowup, things improved immediately. His grades got better and he was fun to be with again.
As a reward we returned his power supply and computer discs. Things went downhill again within one month.
Today we decided that we could involve him in our business. He has great computer skills, so we hired him to do some tasks that we are willing to pay for.
After we did that we had a 'business meeting' to explain the tasks. He was very helpful and we have been working closely together for the rest of the day.
So you might try something like that, something that fits your own situation.
2007-01-21 10:16:40 · answer #3 · answered by ljwaks 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would get a pet. Maybe a kitten would be a good idea. Cats are social but they are also good if you can't give them enough attention. When choosing a kitten go for the quiet one maybe. They will probably sleep and rest more. Up to you which one you choose. Also, join dancing or some sport. That would be good for making friends. Talk to your parents and tell them about your concerns. It's not stupid to feel this way. I'm 22 and I need breaks from my mum too. I go to Uni though so that's my time away
2016-05-24 08:31:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a son, 37 now, but know what you mean. It is not just boys. My daughter was the same way. Teens are bored with us parents. What do we know...? We are not hip and it is certainly not hip to be seen with us in public. Don't worry, he will outgrow it eventually - maybe in about 5 years or so he will realize you are not so dumb afterall. Playing too much on the computer, video game, etc. can isolate a teen (or adult) too much. My daughter only lets her son use the computer for 1/2 daily and 1/2 on his x-box. Try to find out what your son is interested in and try to work through to him that way or have him invit his friends over. You should be home but not TOO visible. He too will mature and deny that his hormones ever got in the way.
2007-01-21 10:17:40 · answer #5 · answered by Santa's Elf 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey, what you describe is NORMAL ... they are at the point where the age of being an Adult is coming up fast, and if otherwise he is doing well in school and respecting your home .. RELAX!
This, too, shall pass. This is a normal change in this phase of their life, and yes, they are starting to pull away from mom and family ... to form social networks of their own. This does not mean that you are a bad mom ... in fact, you have done well to be able to get to this point!
2007-01-21 11:04:00 · answer #6 · answered by sglmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am 14 almost 15 and I am going to say it is normal for teenagers to want to be with there friends and if you want him to go to a family movie night let hi invite a friend that might help him connect with you
2007-01-21 10:17:33 · answer #7 · answered by mackenzie.oliver 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's normal. He is going through the transition to manhood and trying to figure things out. The bond will always be there. Give him time and support. There is a lot going on emotionally right now.
2007-01-22 02:46:46 · answer #8 · answered by logan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not a bad mum, he is just changing from a kid to an adult. The bond is still there and it always will be.
You've done well so give yourself a pat on the back.
2007-01-21 10:21:21 · answer #9 · answered by polynesiachick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im 15 and i usually hate spending time with my parents. However i still love them. His mindset, goals, influences, and ideals are completely different from yours. You just need to work on having a mutual bond with him. Try to create an inviroment where the both of you can co-exist as individuals, while still keeping his beliefs as he wants them.
Dont give up as a parent, your job is to be one. many kids need guidance from their parents or else they'll follow the ideals of their peers, Basically the blind guiding the blind.
So... just keep doing what your doing while assuring his happiness.
2007-01-21 10:17:25 · answer #10 · answered by Steven Sigal 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋