My boyfriend is not happy and stressed out..He has a 6 yr old daughter from his previous marriage and he lives with his parents and over controlling/bossy sister to help him out... his out of work at the moment due to work injuries, so its harder for him to get a decent job now and move out...He does fight with his family especially his sister, always puts him down & embarrasses him...When its comes to his daughter being naughty he tries to do his job as a father....but his family tells him off like "dont yell at her" etc like that..his family spoils her and makes it harder for him to raise her and make her respect him...and last night they told him his not good enough to raise his daughter...and that really cut him up...what can i do to help my boyfriend, because his family has no right, he puts up with it cos they helped with the divorce and everything and if he says anything they will use that against him...especially his sister....i love him and i dont want him to be unhappy...
2007-01-21 09:57:44 · 9 answers · asked by Twiddle D 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I would love for him to move in with me...but im still with my parents [Im 21 his 32] and they wouldnt be happy about that...And i cant exactly move out because they want me married first...which is not what i want but have to deal with... :( :(
2007-01-21 10:07:28 · update #1
Also his daughter is with her mother full time and he has her every second weekend from friday afternoon till tuesday morning and every mondays after school till tuesday morning...at the moment because of school holidays its half half 3 weeks each and its his three weeks...
2007-01-21 10:48:47 · update #2
Sounds like he needs to be in a different environment. Can he move in to your place?
If you're 21, it shouldn't matter if your parents want you to be married first -- you are old enough to make those decisions for yourself. On the other hand, I wouldn't necessarily suggest that you damage your relationship with your family for the sake of trying to rescue your boyfriend from his. You must carefully consider all options and make the decision that will ultimately be best for YOU -- your parents and your boyfriend are adults and responsible for their own actions.
I also wonder about your future with this man. He obviously is going through a difficult time in his life, and has apparently had adversity throughout his life. On top of that, he is disabled (for how long?) and is also 11 years older than you. I imagine that your parents are concerned that you and he are at very different times in your lives, and you should be out, enjoying your youth, and not tied down to some down-on-his-luck older man. What is the likelihood that he will get healthy and what does he contribute to the relationship mentally, emotionally, and financially?
I once was your age and in love. I know you'll follow your heart, regardless of what we or your parents have to say. Since it appears that you and he are stuck in your current situation, all you can do is be there for him to vent to, and to encourage him to continue to persevere with dignity regardless of what his family says.
I hope that everything works out for you and especially for the little girl who is stuck in the middle of this mess. Good Luck!
2007-01-21 10:01:29 · answer #1 · answered by HearKat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is blind.
From the way you describe your man, he sounds immature, angry, irresponsible and spineless.
You sound compassionate, loving and blinded to the red flags slapping you in the face.
I know this sounds harsh and I don't know you. But, your boyfriend is playing victim and is looking to be rescued. He blames the world for his troubles. He doesn't seem to take any of the responsibility for the state his life is in.
Though not mentioned, does he have a temper? Does he try to control you? Any evidence of verbal or physical abuse? Does he self medicate with alcohol or drugs?
Being a rescuer is a no win situation. If you rescue him, you will stand as a roadblock to his growing up.
You are obviously a caring person. Look to yourself and see you deserve someone who has a handle on his life and is successful.
Good luck
2007-01-28 07:53:36 · answer #2 · answered by TO Red 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, its hard to live with family, I know, I have done it more than once. He has to tell his sister to butt out, he is the parent, and she is not going to respect him or do what he says if they interfere! Good advice is ok, but nothing should be said in front of the child.Does your family have room where he could stay for awhile, if this doesnt work? If not you are 21, and you can make your own dissicions, but dont be hasty, think before you leap, you dont want to mess up things for you even if you do love him.
2007-01-27 14:03:31 · answer #3 · answered by mybudnoobs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is difficult to be your own man wen you are living under someone elses roof. Until he begins living like an independent grown man, he's going to be treated like a dependent child. Making a baby doesn't make someone an adult. He needs to heal up, get out on his own and when he takes the responsibility for his own place and life he can tell his folks to go home when they've overstayed the welcome.
2007-01-29 06:47:21 · answer #4 · answered by crazy_no_unique_yes 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That child needs to be taken out of that environment. She will never learn to respect her father and the father will never be able to gain control of his daughter. This has to end soon.
2007-01-21 10:23:33 · answer #5 · answered by wildpalomino 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He really needs to find some other enviroment to raise his daughter.The little girl isnt going to know who to listen to with everyone butting.If i were your boyfriend I would tell his family to butt out!That is his daughter no one has a right to tell him how to raise his daughter.He needs to put his foot down and hurry up and get outta there.Its only going to get worse.Been there done that!
2007-01-29 09:54:12 · answer #6 · answered by flavagirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to tell his sister that he loves her, but she needs to back off and stop putting him down and embarrassing him.
Then he needs to sit down with his family and explain to them that he is his daughters father and he will discipline her however he sees fit...all his family are doing is undermining his authority when it comes to disciplining her. Then she will start playing her dad and his parents against each other, and using it to her advantage!
2007-01-27 18:16:58 · answer #7 · answered by bynni_c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this will probably go on until he moves out of the house. sorry. it's hard to be your own person under someone elses roof and rules
2007-01-28 12:12:23 · answer #8 · answered by Debt Free! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all your pic twiddle looks like youre a guy are u a guy or a girl then i can answer properly
2007-01-28 11:52:27 · answer #9 · answered by QUTIE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋