i just had a boyfriend, and i'm over with him now. but i feel that one of the reasons it didn't "go anywhere" as he said, was that he never called me or we never did anything (hanging out kind of doing something) and he never held my hand, stuff like that. he was a lousy bf.
but anyways....i think the reason he didn't do anything was because i did too much.
would that/could that lead to me having more relationship problems because i like to take control? i didn't feel forceful...but i can't picture any of the guys i can see myself with, doing anything especially sweet for me.
is it because i just haven't found the right guy?
or is it because i take too much control?
sorry, i'm freaking out...maybe overreacting?
2007-01-21 08:54:50 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i'm 16...what does that matter?
2007-01-21 08:59:28 · update #1
how old are you?
2007-01-21 08:57:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to realize that relationships are about compromise, and most importantly, about equality. Taking too much control is when you dictate everything in the relationship and try to have it your way. You weren't doing anything wrong about doing nice things with him, but he should have been more affectionate to you if he really was interested in you. You should not blame yourself for this. Relationships are based on trust and equality, and communication builds a big part of that bridge. He should have been honest with you about what was wrong and why he broke up with you. And there is no such thing as having one person in a relationship leading the way; both sides should be leading together! Please don't listen to the people who feel that "a guy should always be in charge of a relationship". I feel that you should move on from this guy...I am sure you will find another man, be confident in yourself, and remember that relationships are a two way street. Good Luck!
2007-01-21 17:03:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there is anything wrong with what you are doing. I am the same way. I feel like if my boyfriend doesn't do it, then I will, cause somebody has to make the effort. Being in control isn't bad, just make sure that your boyfriend is okay with that..and I always hear how it's bad that I am in control, cause the man wants to be in control..and that is true, you don't want to make them feel any less of a man, just don't let them walk all over you either. Also, don't change yourself because you haven't found a guy to like you for who you are...if you haven't found the right guy yet, don't blame it on yourself. I don't think your overreacting, your just concerned, and that's okay. But things will be fine.
2007-01-21 17:02:06 · answer #3 · answered by Kristen R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you like to be on top of things in a relationship, and that's okay. But you need to let the boy take over sometimes. Ask his opinion more. Instead of saying, "Let's go see a movie!" say, "hey, I'm in the mood for a movie. Which would you like to see?" That will make him feel more in charge and his confidence will help the relationship progress. Oh, and also, I don't think you've foung Mr. Right yet. Keep looking.
2007-01-21 17:01:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relax, breathe deeply, refocus onto the things that are important in your life right now such as school, planning for your near future, career interest, etc. Take on a new hobby or activity that will stimulate the rest of your mind and take the focus off of the microscope you have on yourself. For God's sake you are in the best place of life and at the age to enjoy just about everything life has to give. Trust that when the time comes you will meet the perfect combination of traits and as you grow and mature you will naturally respond to changing your attributes it is not something that you should focus so intently on. When the especially sweet guy comes along and does that unexpected thing that you long for your feet will sweep out from under you and you will do just as your supposed to so do not try so hard to change those things that will change themselves. It is a waste of time, counterproductive and will cause you to miss a ton of things in life. The serenity prayer is for you:
God,
Give me the strength to change the things I can,
The serenity to accept the things I cannot and
The Wisdom to know the difference between the two!
Amen
2007-01-21 18:28:26 · answer #5 · answered by andyman 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should know if you take too much control in relationships, if you feel you do, then loosen up a little bit. You learn and grow from each relationship, just take this past one as a learning experience.The right guy will come along one day, you don't have to change yourself completely.
2007-01-21 17:03:13 · answer #6 · answered by Bri 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, if you are too controling, that's a big impeditment to intimacy because the guy is going to start asking himself if he can handle being your toy and employee over the long haul.
Remember, it's about "give and take", not 'take and take', and if you don't respect his feelings (which you can get to know if you give him a little flexibility and watch him), he's going to withdraw most likely.
2007-01-21 17:05:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The guy should always be the one taking control, but that doesnt mean its a dictatorship, he shoould talk to you/ask you about whatever it is. True girls can be controlling, but personally i believe that the guy is the leader in the relationship...wait for a guy who wants to take care of you and is naturally sweet!
its ok to try and be sweet to your bf as long as it comes naturally, but mybe try and tone it down just a bit! hope everything works out!
2007-01-21 17:00:01 · answer #8 · answered by Jewls 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
no, you are not overracting, B/f's should hold their girlfriend's hand, buy dinner in other words, show affection. Hanging out is part of the relationship and if he wasn't willing to put you number one, then yes he's a lousy b/f.
2007-01-21 16:59:10 · answer #9 · answered by matthaumschild 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Learn to be a girl.. At ur age u should have had less experience.. or at least a bit shy .. im surprised
2007-01-21 17:03:37 · answer #10 · answered by julia1975 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yea i can see where you would have relationship problems just by what you said . you set yourself up for failure with men maybe to dump them before they leave you.
2007-01-21 17:02:00 · answer #11 · answered by MJ 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋