My husband and I have been married a little over a year now, and have been together about six years. I always end up telling people that "if he could be the pregnant one, we'd have had a kid by now and another on the way!" I'm just the opposite. I always, always take a while to be committed to something, anything- I can't just jump in like he does. He feels he's getting old (only 25, I'm 24), but I don't. I always told him I'd like to wait at least five years to have kids, but now he really wants to speed things up. I worry about the "what if's..." I am a teacher and plan to always be one. I don't want to be the kind of mom that takes years off to raise their children, though that is admirable and noble. His job will not carry us through if I have to quit. His familiy is very supportive.
Here's the question: what made you decide to finally start a family? I want one, but I don't know when. He's pressuring me to start this summer and be pregnant all next year. ANY advice?
2007-01-21 07:53:25 · 7 answers · asked by Adje J 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Well, I think you definitely need to feel ready before you start having children. It is a lifelong commitment, and a very emotionally and physically taxing one at that. You need to feel confident about it and not do it because of pressure. That being said, if your husband is ready right now, you are probably going to need to compromise in some small way with him. Perhaps not right now, but sooner than five years. You should really talk it out and try to find a middle ground that satisfies both of you.
Having a child is a huge decision, and to be honest, I think that many people never feel totally prepared and ready. You can't ever know what it's like until you are doing it. I didn't feel totally ready when I got pregnant; I was still a bit apprehensive. But I knew that I wanted children, and that it was the right thing to do, so I needed to just dive in. Once I became pregnant, the transformation really occurred. Over the ensuing nine months, I became more and more excited to have a child. I started feeling more ready as my maternal instincts kicked in. I think even just starting to consider and talk about the idea with your husband will help get you feeling more prepared and ready.
Motherhood is so amazing, especially when you are raising a child with a spouse that you love so dearly. You will never regret becoming a mother if you are ready and want it.
P.S. I am certain you will be able to get your finances worked out if you really want to have a child. So many mothers work and have children. You can do it I am sure. Good luck!
2007-01-21 08:07:23 · answer #1 · answered by twinsmom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, the smart time to have a baby is either really young so that you can have a life after they leave, or as late as possible so you can get established and have a life before the babies come.
You're right at the age where you're almost doing very well, and having a kid now will have you cutting coupons and going paycheck to paycheck for a long time.
It's great to think about the financial aspect of when, because its financial issues that break apart most couples.
Consider this, you are pregnant, your hormones are going nuts.
You've had to quit for medical reasons, you're not feeling well.
He's working overtime to keep things afloat, trying to take care of a pregnant wife where things aren't going as well, and he's worried about your health, the babies, and the mortgage.
It's a little too much, and why is it too much? Just because he doesn't wanna wait.
Set some goals on having the baby, specific ones. Decide together what you have to have in place before you do.
Perhaps its a certain income annually for him, or total for you...whatever it is, decide together, and wait till the time is right.
Oh, and you don't have to be pregnant all of next year, most people I know are only pregnant for 3/4 of it.
2007-01-21 08:02:01 · answer #2 · answered by badbadboy6979 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first time around I was 27 and 29 on my two boys. I wish I had waited because we had plenty of time, and in hindsight, we weren't a great match. My next batch of children have come when I was 42, 43, and soon to be one at 45. (ALL BOYS) My current wife is 12 years younger and we had been together for 6 years (3 of which were married) before we had a child. My advice is, if you need time take it, especially if you are only 24. However, don't use the argument that you aren't financially ready, because you might never have a child. I found that children MAKE you financially ready (if you are responsible)
2007-01-21 08:49:16 · answer #3 · answered by Randall A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it until you are both ready. But don't wait so long that if you have infertility issues that you might feel like you missed the opportunity.
Since you know money is an issue I would spend the next school year creating a budgeting plan allowing you to really beef up your savings. Then when the next summer comes you will be in a good spot to try to conceive financially.
I am a teacher, as is my best friend, and I had one due in May...lol...then one in Sept, one in October and hers were December and August. So even planning it to work out to have the summer off rarely works. You will want time with a new baby...try to enable yourself to have at least up to 6 months paid for should you want that long.
Best wishes! I think it will help both of you to come up with a good plan of when trying to have kids would be best. He probably worries about being an "old" dad and if you want more than one then he may be thinking about wanting to be done by "30" or some other age he has picked. In the year you are saving...also plan for things couples can do that are hard to do with a baby and do them! Go on a great beach vacation (cause babies can't be in the sun much) or enjoy nightlife in your area etc...so that you can feel like you got your opportunity to do that before being new parents overwhelmed you.
2007-01-21 08:03:29 · answer #4 · answered by bgmom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
babies are always inconvenient, there is no "right time", after 30 the risk of birth defects and complications during pregnancy are significantly increased but by no means imminent. i never felt like it was necessary to take more than 6 months off to care for the baby (thats just me). in order to decide i think u should stop thinking about work and age and money, Focus on your heart, not your life. If its in your heart that you want a baby then you like everyone else will have to make the adjustments in your life. Babies turn your world upside down and theirs no way to stop that
2007-01-21 08:11:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
For my first, we tried to concieve from our honeymoon night but couldn't conceive on our own. I was 22 when I married and was 25 when I found out I was expecting our first. My husband is 14yrs. my senior, I had trouble concieving, so time was of the essence. Our second was our suprise baby, so we didn't really talk about that one.
2007-01-21 08:45:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the best thing you need to do DON'T keep thinking about it DON'T try every night the more you get it out of you head the better you will be go on a trip get away relax and you might be surprise
2007-01-21 08:01:43 · answer #7 · answered by darlene l 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋