I've just been dumped. What to do?

Question

I've just been dumped by my girlfriend after almost five years together. I've had four long term relationships including this one, but this was by far the longest (second longest was 2 1/2 years). i love her dearly, and the same goes for her whole family. how do i move on? i'm fairly new to the being dumped game. i obviously know life has to go on, and that everything will be ok in the end.....but it's bloody hard to see that right now. any ideas, please?

Answer 1

Well lad,

So this is love? I have a very similar story.

My gf of 5 years broke up with me, she met the landlord of a flat I rented for her while she relocated to be with me. Messy. I was absolutely gutted. I had met her during my 1st year at Uni and wasted the best years of my life. Hindsight eh?

Fear not - you have already started dealing with it just by asking for help on this site - well done.

What I did!!!

One day at a time!!!!

1) Women will not like this one - Kissed as many girls as possible - your ex will always be in ur thoughts but eventually you will realise thoughts fade.

2) Hit the gym - Get fit (run, run run - it releases feel good feelings and you need those now) buy some new clothes, shoes etc. Next time she sees you she wont recognise the new, sexier, fitter more muscular toned ex.

3)Spend as much time as possible with mates, play football, cards, have a giggle, itl be hard at 1st, when u laugh you will go back to that picture in your head of her and it hurts. You will stop laughing but next time you will laugh a little longer... and longer and then you will have forgotten. You will get there!

4)Lots of Sat nights out. Dont get too drunk. Its always worse with a hangover.

5)Take her number off your phone. If you know it forget it. (A must!!!!!!)

6)Take any photos down, off your wall, off your phone.

7)Get stuck into work during the day, at night do the gym or do mates thing.

8)Be confident. Dont let this knock you for too long. Your obviously a nice guy if she was with you that long.

9)Just Think! You have still to meet your wife yet! Wonder what she will be like, blonde? dark, funny slim, curvy. Now thats exciting.

10)NEVER EVER EVER text her again. least until your over her. Very difficult one this. Specially when drinking.

I met my gf when I least expected it. I wasnt looking. She is everything I could want. Its only now I realise - though I was in love, nothing will compare to the love of the one your about to meet.

Good luck lad.

All the best.

Answer 2

It's hard. What you want to know is why?!. There is no answer and invariably there is no answer except doubt. Has she met someone else.?. Have you done something that did'nt please her..and its stuck?. There are lots of permutations and you may never know why. Normally its another man and you've served your purpose up until she's met him. But, as she will find out,( in time ), that person cannot take over from a long term relationship and the new relationship will fail. She will be the loser in the long term but that will not make you feel any better at the moment. (I hasten to add that this is not just a male problem) As with all relationships, time is the healer and the educator. Life is tough and life must go on. Your only consolation is knowing that this woman was not for you because SHE chose to end it.....for whatever reason... and saved you from a lifetime of misery.

Answer 3

Hello, Yes I know it is a very difficult time for you just now, but you don't say what happened for this to happen to you, if I can assume you are the reason for becoming the Dumpee as opposed to the dumper, then you are to blame and you have to look into yourself, for you alone, are your own help, lets take the latter first....ok, so you are now dumped, the first thing you have to do, is not wonder why, if you try to reconcile with your ladyfriend, all you will be able to summise is that it is very likely she will do it again, and that's you back to square one again, so let's get on with your life, and as the dumpee, you have to do something about it starting now. Make no mistake about it, you may well have to talk to your 'ex' at some future stage, so be prepared. Get dressed up, go out and be ready to find the new one, who will maybe, be just the one for you, you may even already know who she is, your ex isn't he only girl you know, so look carefully, have fun, stay sober and drug free so you stay in command of all your metabolism. For all the sadness of your recent break-up, tears are probably inevitable, dry you eyes and look for the laughter in anyone you meet, when you get that far, get ready for a whole new love to begin, then wonder what held you back from this new found happiness, then see if you still want to talk to the dumpee. It may well be that your ex. may want to know more about what you are now doing, well show her this, and let her go where ever she or you want her to go, as long as she does what she wants to do and it is without you, it will still be up to you, that has now found a new life, a new love, and a whole lot of new feelings too. I hope this helps you to sort out you and your new freedom, to do all you really ought to do, to keep you free of all it was, that caused your seperation, good luck and please God speed your new life to you, kindest regards, from a man it happened to... Tony M...

Answer 4

First of i am really sorry it happened to you. You seem like a good man and you love your girlfriend, or ex i should say. Have you tried to talk to her on why after 4 long years of going though so much together she makes that unexplained move. If dont want to hear or even discuss it then i gues there is nothing you can do but move the hell on. And thats what i personally think you should do for yourself. But this time try to get in dating game without gettin involved too soon. It would be heartbreaking if you had to get dumped again by some chickenhead. So do us all a favor and get back in a dating game. Start gettin back your guy friends. I am sure you stop keepin in touch with some of them because you was in such a long relationship and usually you forget your hang out friends. So once you done that start going out. Have some time for yourself. It might take quite a minute to get over 4 year long connection but you have to and thats what you need to focus on. I been in relationship not even a year and i cant live without him and i cannot imagine how would i feel to be without him, so i know how you feel especially having 4 year thing behind your ears. Wow! But hey one thing i know helps to get over **** like that is dating. Going out there and just seeing different people. I am not sayin go out there and hoe around but just have your single guy free fun time. Trust me even though you hurt and all you need to get back to being single for a little bit and things will go their own places. Good luck!

Answer 5

After losing my husband to suicide almost 2 years ago, I was also recently dumped by a BF of 6 months. Not a long relationship but out of the blue and certainly hurtful.

The wound is raw, and fairly new. I'm finding that distraction helps the most. new people, new things to take my mind off of him. Try to stay away from her family for awhile. Plenty of time later to renew your ties to those of them you really want to stay close to. For now, you need to take some time to yourself, concentrate on being friends with women and not worry about romance.

I'm reading a lot about relationships and about human behavior in general, trying to understand my self, other people. Doing things with "the girls" people I enjoy. Getting into some old things I once enjoyed, staying away from the bad habits, alcohol, brooding, too much food.

Be good to yourself, your own best friend. Think of how you would care for someone you love going thru the same thing and then do it. It's a time for reflection, new experiences and new faces.

Respect yourself and the time it may take to heal.

Answer 6

I know its hard. i was dumped by a guy but i knew it was for the best. It was the longest relationship i was in as well. I grieved some but didnt dwell in it. I took the time to figure out what I need and want from a relationship. It was hard for me to trust again but I knew in order to find that special someone I had to take the chance. About 2 years later. (8 mths ago) I met a guy that treats me wonderfully (and Im not talking spending money) He puts me first as I do with him to. We are open to each other about everything. I think he is the one.
You too will find that someone for you. She is out there. Dont jump straight into something but keep your mind open to the idea of dating someone again when that special someone comes along.
Good luck

Answer 7

Been there done that, worn the t shirt!
It hurts and it's not nice i know. BE sad, cry if you want to. Just cos your a bloke doesnt mean you cant go to your mum for a cuddle. Sounds really soppy i know and something a lot of blokes would NEVER do, but your mum wont mind one bit and will be MORE than happy to be your rock. She's been there before. She knows the score. Bite the bullet, mope around for a few days (it's your right) and tuto the only people you know can be there for you...your family.

Answer 8

I suggest you stay strong. Don't call him, he clearly only wants sex if he said that. Unless you want that lifestyle don't call him don't text him don't contact him. Stick to your morals and beliefs. Find a guy who will respect you for having some. Meanwhile call a friend and see if she can hang out for a while. make plans for the next couple days and stay busy. Youll be fine soon. it will be hard for a few weeks soon youll feel better!

Answer 9

Better yourself that is what.. Get down the gym if not already if so go more. Do you want her back.. any mileage in that if so there are tactics to employ.. But I do agree find someone to rebound is one solution not a fair one but it is one.
It is like a bad wound, it is there whether you want it or not it has to heal. You and only you can make this quick or slow or keep making it bleed. But make no rash decisions. I know how you feel mate same happened to me! Not easy is it.. Best of luck!

Answer 10

Nothing is going to help your feelings but time, I am afraid. However, you can keep busy, make lots of plans with friends, take more classes, do more things ---this helps to pass the time (and unfortunately, time is the only thing that is going to make you feel better). Don't think too much about her family and the whole big picture of what this means to you, it's too much to think about at this time when your feelings are really raw. Make yourself get out there, most times you won't feel like doing anything, but make yourself do it anyway!