Jealousy Question?

Question

Okay, here goes...
I have been with my bf for 5 years, i have some trust in him, but i am terrified to put 100% trust into him. i am constantly worrying about someone else coming along and him liking them better and leaving me. i am insanely jealous. i want this to stop, i wish he could talk to or glance at another woman without my mind running in 20 million directions and me getting p*ssed about it. i figured this would go away by now. i am 20 and i have been with him since i was 15, come on, why can't i drop this stuff? yes, i am insecure, very. i am told constantly that i am beautiful, gorgeous, and blah blah blah, but i do not see it. I cannot see my own beauty. i am afraid of being called conceeded, if i think i am beautiful. yeah, i probally sound crazy, but this jealousy is going to ruin my relationship. he told me he wants to get married, but not if i am still as jealous as i am. Please help, thanks.

Can I just say THANK YOU to everyone who answered me, and gave me advice. EVERY answer was informative, and really hit home in my mind and heart, thank you, thank you, thank you :)

Answer 1

You're 100% right. Jealousy WILL ruin your relationship. You've pretty much answered your own question. The only way you can avoid jealousy is to be secure in yourself. If you're not, I'm not sure what to tell you?

Answer 2

My husband gave me reasons to be jealous. There has to be a reason. I would work on your self-esteem and maybe that will help you. You say that you and your bf have been together for 5 years ever since you was 15. You have never experienced anyone else that may be a part of it. I am 33 years old and the thing I have learned with relationships is that you an not be with your mate 24-7 so you have to control yourself or you will drive yourself crazy.

You can not control him. I am not saying is is because I do not know him or you, but you can not control things that are out of your control. If he would cheat, there is nothing you can do to stop him. He only has that control. Just pray that he knows how much you love him. Jealousy will drive men away same with woman. So cut back and just enjoy your relationship. He will look at girls and you will look at men. I have had woman look my husband up and down while I was right beside him. I give them a dirty look, put my arm around him and smile. It makes them mad and makes me laugh. You really need to chill out or sounds like you will lose him and not through another woman.

Answer 3

I can certainly agree with him about the fact that you are jealous. I don't like someone who is insanely jealous because it makes for a strained relationship and causes trouble at every turn. This is something you must stop and realize that it is best to let people be themselves. If you do then you will be happier. Think of things this way. What does jealousy accomplish? Nothing. What is jealousy good for? Nothing. Jealousy causes arguments over the smallest things and the minor things that do not matter. Jealousy makes a person do things to hurt the one they love and care for. It ruins their relationship and once the relationship is over, it is over and never to be retrieved again. Jealousy eats up a realationship and eats up the individuals involved. Look at yourself this way. You are a beautiful and intelligent girl and anyone would be fortunate to have you. You would be fortunate to be with a gentleman of the first caliber. Don't be jealous, be thankful for someone who cares and loves you.

Answer 4

Real problem - real answer...I've been in your situation, I was with my ex 4 8 years (16-24), we got married at 21. I was the same way, jealous about everything and didn't know why. Well I found out that it was womans intuition. I should have listened to myself telling me over and over again that I just didn't completely trust him, even though I thought there was no reason not to. In hindsight there were plenty, I just convinced myself that it was me and he would never do anything to betray our relationship...WRONG - he's a man. This may not be your case, but don't rule it out.

As far as you and self love, you can't love somebody else if you don't love you first. Talk to someone about the way you feel about yourself...maybe it will reveal that while you love this guy, you love yourself more and feel like you deserve better but don't want to say it because of the time and effort that's been invested.

Good luck

Answer 5

I'm totally here for you! lol. I've never had a bf, but I get jelous easily too. Also I could see it ruining your relationship which is a bad thing, but you have to remember, if you've been together for over 5 years, he won't drop you just like that. Yah, he may glance at another girl, but that doesn't mean that the thought of dumping you for that girl is running through his head. Wish you guys the best, and a happily ever after!

Answer 6

It's hard, I used to be that way for a while when I was 20. You can feel that way, it's okay. But don't show it too much, because you'll make him feel like you don't trust him, and that will push him away. Enjoy what you have, and maybe it will work out, maybe it won't. I look back at the guys I've been with and can honestly say that when it did go wrong, there wasn't much I could have done about it anyway. Relax and enjoy the ride...

Answer 7

Wow, okay, if people do call you beautiful and stuff but you don't see it then that means you need to put more confidence in yourself. But many people love women who are soooo beautiful but don't know it. It's sexy without knowing it. He's attracted to you, not just because of the way you look but because of your personality. He wants to marry you and grow old with you. looks will go away but your personality will always be there. I also thinks he digs that you get jelous. I means that you think he's attractive and worth getting worked up about. Just remember that when he looks at another woman, he only sees a body but when he looks at you, he sees your body but your inner beauty and the love you both have for each other.

Answer 8

Here's the thing about being conceited: you think you are BETTER than everyone else. Then, there's being confident: knowing that you are beautiful in your own way. There's nothing wrong with being confident. Men like women have confidence in themselves. Your fear of thinking too much of yourself could be the reason of your insecurities. These insecurities need to be addressed, because they could be the downfall of your relationship. The fact you have asked this question tells me you don't want this relationship to end, and you really do want things to work out. Work on building confidence in yourself. Tell yourself you are beautiful because you are, but don't go around telling everyone you look better than they ever will. You should see much improvement in your relationship and yourself if you do this!

Answer 9

You know what? A lot of times we do behave to make what we worry about the most happen:

A friend of mine constantly worries about getting old and being lonely--and each and every nice guy has left her.
Another friend of mine is constantly worried about her finding another guy and liking him better---4 girl friends later is he still worried about that.

It seems best to look at why you are so insecure, because that's what jealousy is. You might not be able to do this yourself. A lot of people would tell you to pray. That might work, but then it might not, depending on how deeply rooted your problem is. I would say try to find a counselor of sorts--a priest, minister, or real counselor(if you can afford it). Or try to get counseling via your states' mental health department. Just about all states do offer counseling on a reduced charge, in some cases free of charge, so check with them.

Answer 10

Not only is "jealousy" going to ruin THIS relationship, it will totally consume you AND ruin your entire life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have never, ever, ever, EVER been jealous of anything or anyone in my entire 42 years. EVER. Why????? What for???? There is absolutely no reason you or anyone should put your/their self-worth into being jealous of anyone or anything on this planet.

And another thing........... your outer beauty means "nothing". Really, it doesn't. What counts is who you are inside. I have been blessed with very good looks and still have a "sexy", slim body after all of these years (and three kids). But guess what....... I DON'T CARE!!!!!!!! None of that matters. The security I have within DOES.

Please, for your sake, grow up. Jealousy will eat you alive and you will not even make it to 40.................

mb

mb

Answer 11

well first of all, there's nothing to get jealous about. It's between every relationship.. Dont let it get to you. And if you are beautiful, dont think negitive about urself. Your boyfriend truely loves you, that's why he has been with you for 5 years... why would he be with you if he just went for looks? He can find other hot girls too. But you have something in your heart that he really loves about.. and no one else can take your place, so stop worrying about him leaving you, i mean comeon.. he's asking you to marry him.. so why not go ahead.. once you get married it will go perfectly fine..