I have been in a serious relationship with my bf for 2 yrs. I'm 30 & he's 29. He's recently been accepted to join the air force as it's his dream to become a commercial pilot & this is the cheapest & most practical way to do it. Problem is that he must finish his university degree (3 yrs) then after that train to be a pilot which will take 2 yrs (which will be in another city). I have told him that I'll wait for him but the problem is that he would later like to get married & start a family. I already have 2 kids from a previous relationship which will be graduating by the time he's ready to start a family. I do not wish to start a family at 35+. I told him that if he wants a family, that I would want to start now (in the next 2 yrs). Of course, he doesn't have the time or commitment to do this now. We seem to be at a cross-roads. We truly love each other but it seems that unless I agree to have children when he's ready to start, there is no future for us. Do I let him go?
2007-01-21 07:07:08 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I am not about to have more children without his help and assistance. I've already raised 2 children by myself so I'm not about to do it again unless it's 50/50. He's not in a position to start a family for another 5+ yrs to his schooling & training so I'm not about to start having children now just to accomodate his need to have his own children. He's miss out on the experience of watching and raising children if I just did it all for him.
2007-01-21 07:26:35 · update #1
That is a tricky situation. My last relationship ended because my ex wanted me to wait for him to finish his training, too. I'm in my late 30's. I wasn't willing to wait 3 years to start a family in my 40's. Now I'm starting all over again and will probably have to start a family later in life. My situation ended because he absolutely refused to compromise. There was no way he would do something he didn't want to do. I realized that this was a sign of what my life would be like with him. Always doing things on his terms with no form of compromise. Relationships have to go both ways. If you can't meet in the middle then you have to ask...is this right for both of us? Or is this right for just one of us?
I really loved my boyfriend, too. I still miss him terribly, but I know in my heart that I would have had a lot of heartache with someone who couldn't make decisions as a couple. He was really single minded. Anything that is worth keeping is worth fighting for. Your boyfriend also needs to do some deep thinking about making you happy while he pursues his dreams. Is he doing that?
Time apart might make him rethink his decision. I wish you the best with your decision. I know it will be a difficult one to make.
Best wishes!
2007-01-21 07:16:52 · answer #1 · answered by lolabellaquin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you love him, absolutely do not let him go. If this is just a fling and you and him will be over soon after all of it anyway, then it's probably safer for you to let him go. But if you can't see your life without him in 10, 20 years, then move on.
Don't worry about starting a family later on. Those things aren't that bad. It keeps your soul young longer. God knows what you need and will help you make the right decision.
2007-01-21 15:13:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. He is in a complete different place in his life than you are. Men have a hard time understanding that a woman doesn't want to be 55 years old and still have kids at home to take care of. Sounds like you need to find a man that has his career going and doing well.
2007-01-21 15:14:31 · answer #3 · answered by sunny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you love each other why not get pregnant and at the same time let him go to the academy. I'm sure it will be hard not having him around and him not being able to see his kid, but at least when he gets back he will have his family.
2007-01-21 15:16:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you all really love each other then you need to sit down and really talk things out as long as you both want the same thing then that is all that matters and if he is not willing to marry you then there is no other choice than to let him go
2007-01-21 15:14:06 · answer #5 · answered by mskatt05 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For sure. Let him go. The only thing that will come out of you two staying together is anger. You're going to be mad at him for pressuring you to have more kids (which no matter what he says... he will), and he'll be mad at you for not wanting to have any. I would quit while your ahead.
2007-01-21 15:12:49 · answer #6 · answered by SassyC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your lives are going in different directions you need to decide where you want to go.
Good Luck
2007-01-21 15:11:16 · answer #7 · answered by zen522 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do you LOVE him to wait- would you go with him to another city
read your agreement from your ex
2007-01-21 15:14:18 · answer #8 · answered by manblind1969 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no...i think that you two should compromise and work and talk things out
2007-01-21 15:11:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋