I have been with my man for over 2 years. I love him alot. When I met him I already had a one year old son. I let him (my man) know from the begining that I wanted to get married and have more children in the future. Any time I try and talk about it he jokes about it. He says I am moving to fast. We have lived together for 2 years! He is great with my son and would make a great father. But I feel like its not fair. Getting married and having more kids is VERY important to me and its not important to him. How can I make him see how important it is too me? Or should I just move on? I don't know what to do.
2007-01-21 06:52:35 · 5 answers · asked by milknhoney4ever 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I can't tell you what to do, but I have done this twice (moved in with a guy, set up housekeeping, groomed myself and him for domestic togetherness, and then been SORELY disappointed after 2 or 3 years to discover the guy was nowhere near the commitment that I felt).
In college, I was "my boyfriend's" study break. When I see this happening (being someone's intermittent hobby) now, I explain my experience--once I explained I didn't want a disjointed life wherein my activities, friends, and interests were completely separate from his; several other times I addressed some issues, saying I wanted less swearing, more exercise in MY environment; that certain lifestyle choices hurt me: all have, perhaps, backfired in that this approach has ended the relationship within a month or two--more than once. But being this hones has given me a my commitment to myself. A boyfriend who doesn't share family times--BOTH WAYS (his and mine), doesn't LIKE my friends, or discourages me from something I find both healthy and necessary, I acknowledge the problem and try to avoid painting myself into a corner.
The long-term (3 year+) relationships involved having family dinners (Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, birthdays) at our house or other family member's homes. I exchanged letters with his family (mother, sisters) and we talked on the phone often. It made no difference. It didn't matter how many things we did together (ski, bike, vacation, exercise). These guys didn't commit, and likewise made light of the idea no matter WHO brought it up (me, family, friends).
One relationship continued another 5 years after I'd moved out.
On boyfriend was working toward his PhD, we attended church together and went out to lunch, skiing, bicycling, rollerblading afterward, and often during the week I made him dinner--sometimes left on his doorstep because he was "studying." When he finally graduated, I wasn't invited to his graduation, or even to meet his family. He'd been stringing THREE of us along in this way, and wound up marrying a distant relative.
Go figure. I kept a door open, I kept hope. I was giving, nurturing. I'm left with profound doubt about fidelity, commitment. Waiting for him to "see the light" or "develop a sense of commitment" has never been a successful approach for me.
You asked how can you make it work. Ultimatums don't work. Doing your own thing doesn't work. Fitting your two lives together doesn't work. Telling him, clearly and without malice, what's important to you is the best policy. And then stick to your priorities. Someone with similar interests will show up (God willing). Waiting and hoping for someone to change their priorities to yours is not loving yourself.
2007-01-21 07:13:02 · answer #1 · answered by Yenelli 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
.Are you happy now? There are some people who have a fear of marriage. Draw up living arrangement papers.This covers both of your Will's as well as day to day living. This way if you ever brake up you'll have to go to court the same as a married couple. If you have children thay can still have his last name.
2007-01-21 15:10:20 · answer #2 · answered by LDJ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to him seriously.
book a night somewhere.
some fancy restaurant.
get a babysitter for the kid,
and just talk to him
tell him that you want to get serious, express how much he means to you, and if he's just being the out-there person you're describing... then maybe the relationship isn't what it was made out to be.
2007-01-21 14:56:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are you? How old is he? Maybe he thinks he is too young to settle down. Only you know if you are prepared to hang around for maybe another five years, while he decides your future!
2007-01-21 14:57:06 · answer #4 · answered by the_emrod 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHAT EVER YOU DO DONT TRAP HIM
2007-01-21 14:56:29 · answer #5 · answered by dce1dg 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋