Lack of manners or have the times changed?

Question

I've noticed that males hardly ever offer their seats to females be it on the bus or in class or anything. In fact , I've seen more girls than guys offer their seats to the elderly while the guys just sit around and pretend not to notice. Is it a lack of manners/gentlemen or is it just different now because women are stronger and more independant now than say 20 yrs ago and are being treated accordingly?

Answer 1

It isn't just lack of manners. If you had been around in the 50's and 60's you might have been happy with the courtesies men extend to you, but you would also notice men dumbing down sentences when they speak to you, and telling you not to be worried about this or that subject. For instance, if you had an opinion about Nikita Kruschev, a man would probably smile indulgently and say you shouldn't worry your head about such weighty matters. I am old enough to remember that kind of thing. I work for a woman, and her boss (the managing director) is a woman. I will hold open the door for the director, but I don't hold anything against guys who don't. She easily makes twice as much money as they do, she has her own reserved parking space right at the entrance of the building, and if some sort of cost-cutting crunch comes on, she is the one who decides which poor dumb chump loses his job. The rules are different. We don't teach little boys that girls need our help, or that we have to use only nice language and only nice manners with them. That society is gone forever.

Answer 2

I personally do not see that may be cos' I see the exact opposite on the bus mostly. I even had the pleasure of being offered a seat on the bus.

Yet I have seen it other places in the past. I also feel it is not because we women are stronger or smarter hell even because we have taken on the roles of jobs(high paying) being out of the house more, I feel it is this lack of manners as I saw in your question, I feel it is the whole human race year after year seeing so much mass destruction, seeing so much hate building up on the news, I feel that negativity has been building and someof us have lost hope within ourselves so we are now all of us men and women acting out.

Our children take weapons of all kinds to satisfy their needs for protection. We all need to look inside and see for ourselves on an indivual bases why we act the way we do, why we say one thing about peace but we go ahead to the middle east and create such havaoc or promote such behaviours!

There is no one answer for this, there is choice. What will you chose, and how will you base your choice on making that decision.

Answer 3

Given the choices, I would say that things are different now because women are stronger and more independent and are treated accordingly. It seems to me that if the general societal roles of the genders change, its only natural for the rules to change as well. Chivalry was once a method of creating balance, though now, since there are no rules really, there is no ritual, its been twisted and destroyed.

I think that chivalry (which is what your example is pointing to) is a two way street. When it comes to offering a lady a my seat on the bus, these days I don't see it as necessary - its insulting to their gender to treat them with kid gloves. I'm for equality, but I also notice that equal tends to mean - treat me like you treat anyone when its advantageous and treat me according to old school rules when that's advantageous.

Funny, I'm the misogynist for having my opinion yet women are not misandronist (yep - that's a word too yet nobody seems to know that just like in days past nobody seemed to think sexism was an issue) when they expect chivalrous behavior, make claims that women are more compassionate and empathetic, are more capable of being good parents, etc.,...

Despite these stereotypes being pointed out as what they are - stereotypes, its not an acceptable position to hold. Since when is the truth unacceptable? These in fact are the assumptions we, as a society, make. When people say "well that's just the gender gap swinging the other way." it seems like its more about revenge or payback in some way. How effective is that when the goal is being treated fairly? Or is that not the goal? Of course, I'm just being defensive because I'm a male though so this position can be safely ignored.... just like female opinions could be ignored 100 (or less) years ago.

When it comes to the elderly, I really don't consider the elderly to be in the same category - they are venerable regardless of gender. Totally different issue in my mind.

I don't mean to make a case for sexism in either direction, but to offer counter examples. Lets see it for what it is - its sexism regardless - another two way street. There are differences between the genders, but I think society is in the process of learning that its not about being treated equally - the genders are not interchangeable. Its more of an argument that the genders are equivalent - neither is superior, but they are different and both are important even though the they are important in different ways. The father can never fill the role of the mother - sounds ridiculous right? On the other hand, the mother can never fill the role of the father either - that's just as ridiculous.

Society, as we learn to deal with this reality, is in the shake things out mode - things will get better, but only once honest, objective discussion and analysis happens. These things about men not offering seats to women are just byproducts of this shakeout. It sucks, for BOTH genders, but this is the bed WE made so we BOTH have to sleep in it.

Its not really unusual or odd - this is just a single example of cultural change that has been happening in one form or another since culture began. In 200 years, our descendants will probably be baffled at this being considered a problem.

The truth is rarely popular, but this is the truth as seen from my INDIVIDUAL viewpoint.

Answer 4

Lack of manners. Seems most people are only looking out for #1.
I'm a woman, but I have held doors for people coming out of a store behind me, so the door doesn't shut in their face, just to have them walk on through like royalty, rather than take the door as they go and most do not even say Thank you.
Manners and etiquette seem to be a thing of the past.
However, my husband, always holds the door or opens it for me.
I think we all need to show more respect for the elderly and teach our children manners.

Answer 5

I agree good manners and chivalry are disapearing more an more...
But I think it's because very little people take the time to teach it anymore... Politness also is dying...
When I met my boyfriend 9 years ago, he was clueless. I had to ask him to make an effort to think of opening doors for me or anyone for that matter...
I was brought up with ''pleases'' and ''thank yous'' ,table etiquettes. And I am not shy to say please for peope I know who don't bother (it might be annoying, but it works because people notice and they learn that I will always be there to bug them!!hi hi)

when someone doesn't hld the door when I,m right behind them I say ''thank you '' out loud and they feel bad or look at me annoyed...

When I'm in a place where the seats are limited and an elder or pregnant woman comes in, and no on moves I pick someone who can very well stnd and ask them to give up their seat...

And I am proud to say that my boyfriend is most of the proper, and that my 3 year old son ALWAYS says please and thank you.

We women have to give it a little nudge (politely of course), and maybe it will catch on again....

Saying please and thank you and holding doors and giving up our seats doesn't cost anything, and is always appreciated.

Answer 6

No some men have went down a grade or more. Younger men more then men say in there fifties.
I did have a guy I was going out with many years ago who was young do this, but he too is in his fifties now. Just do not see these young guys with such behavior now.
Females have compassion, empathy (they can feel for other people) more then men of our current culture. This behavior was also seen in the movies and on TV back then, it is not seen so much now a days. So maybe it is not seen as "cool"?
The older men are just grown up I guess? Do not care about looking cool?
I see men younger and older in rural areas do this much more then when we visit the city....Diffarent cultures?

Answer 7

It depends. Why does what she does bother you? Is it something that only you are affected by? Is it a mannerism that society dislikes? If it is just particular to you, then why does it bother you so much? If she is a girl you could really like you need to decide which you are willing to deal with...her mannerism or life without her.

Answer 8

Some people have medical reasons to need to sit more than others. Some you can't see as well, so I'd say neither.

Should you explain to someone that you WOULD offer your seat if you didn't have a condition of xyz, or just ignore them and hope they go away?

Answer 9

Defintiely lack of manners. And also some guys weren't taught to be respectful to elderly people and women (lack of father figure).

Answer 10

Why should females need to sit more than males!?
Oh, yeah forgot, females are the weaker sex, rigth!

To give up the seat to elderly however is another issue, everyone should.