After ONE week, He started talking about MARRIAGE?

Question

There's this guy I met only last Sunday, and he's very nice. Later on that week, we would talk together about "stuff" in general and could basically talk anywhere from 30 minutes to hours. One time we got so deep into our conversations that I missed my bus stop. By this past Saturday (yesterday)--he asked me out to lunch, and I agreed to go, thinking it would be a "low key" get-together.

Anyway, instead of carry conversation like we normally do, he got straight into talking about his views on marriage and asked about mine.

While I agreed with some of his views and was a little uncomfortable about telling mine, I couldn't help but wonder HOW OLD he was.

After lunch, I came straight out and asked him: "How old are you?"--- He's 33 while I'm 19! I'm only a second-year college student, while he's an adjunct professor at a nearby law school and is the Director of a mediation program at Safe Horizon.

Should we go any further beyond just Friends?

Here's what BOTHER'S me:

1. The age difference-- he's so much further in life than I am

2. I felt "rushed" when he started bringing up the marriage talk 

3. I havent FIGURED OUT LIFE while he seems to have it all together

4. He's not exactly what I call attractive, although he's not ugly

Answer 1

he is really a serial killer if you resist he will lock you in his secret dungeon

Answer 2

Here's why you shouldn't waste your time with him:

Here's what BOTHER'S me:

1. The age difference-- he's so much further in life than I am

2. I felt "rushed" when he started bringing up the marriage talk 

3. I havent FIGURED OUT LIFE while he seems to have it all together

4. He's not exactly what I call attractive, although he's not ugly

If these things bugged you enough to do a posting on the web about it, what kind of relationship can you really have with him? Don't justify these things! It is too soon in the relationship to be this concerned. This is supposed to be the fun and care-free stage!

Be friends with this guy if you can. Just don't fool yourself into thinking you can be friends with benefits without getting emotionally involved.

*Dating someone in a differnt stage in life doesn't work*-beleive me, I have tried and failed.

(Also-for future posting don't post so many details about people-it is a small small world!)

Answer 3

I think that he's learned that it's wise to know someone's views on marriage before getting too far into a relationship. I totally agree with him on that, if you think that marriage is not important and he does, there's no reason for you two to date further. Don't freak out about him asking what your views are. You should really only be concerned if he immediately starts talking in the first month or two specifically about marrying you.

I think that if you like him, you should date him. After you're out of high school, age doesn't really matter. Just make sure that he knows that school is your priority, and you have time when you're not studying or in class.

Answer 4

Is this guy an American?
And I mean born in the U.S.A....not immigrated and naturalized.
Because this sounds like either a cultural thing...or desperation.
His age and looks should be secondary and tertiary concerns.

You are only 19.
And the age difference 19-33 is kind of large but not insurmountable or particularly unique for that matter.
But finish college FIRST.

But this guy sounds kinda desperate.
Doesn't sound right.

Lotta desperation around these days.
Don't know what that is about.

Answer 5

Run don't walk away from someone like that. Not because of the age difference at least not number of years. I'm dating someone 18 years my senior. More because you guys are at different places in life. That and no matter age...1 week is a little soon to talk of marriage for the most part.

Answer 6

You are only 19. You have at least 40 more years of decision making. Don't rush into anything!! I married my first husband at age 18 and regretted it from the beginning.
Besides you have only had conversations with this man. Is he desperate or just weird? In either case, I would tell him politely that you enjoy your conversations, but you are too young and too involved in college to become serious about anyone or anything. If he persists, tell him to stop bothering you or you will sic the police on him.

Answer 7

Absolutely run! He is either looking seriously for a wife and you are a target or he is one of those common guys who want to own you the moment you meet. Either way it's way too early to be talking about it and you sound like you actually do have it together enough to know it.

You are not ready and if he is then he really needs to look elsewhere. I think you might be happier having fun with someone closer to your position, if not age. You are still discovering and mapping your life. This is fun to do with someone else. With a guy like this you will always be a follower.

I say, let him go. Way too serious way to soon.

Answer 8

You are certainly a bright young lady!! You have some serious, valid concerns and I would let him know those. And tell him that you are not ready for any sort of serious relationship. At this time it is not a good idea to progress beyond friendship. If even a true friendship is possible. My husband is 11 years older than I but we met when I was 25. I was ready for a serious relationship. We have now been married 14 years:) Good Luck!!

Answer 9

It seem obvious what you're answer will be...But you shouldn't take him to serious. It doesn't seem that he was asking "you" to marry him. It might have just been small talk. You should continue your friendship with him with no expectations but if he starts getting to serious and starts making advances then you should really speak up and if it does get to that point, be tactful and not hurtful . Say you feel he is to old for you and that you aren't interested in making any commitments yet because you are to young. Good Luck

Answer 10

OK, so it's not just me who keeps running into this stuff. I think that a lot of people in their late 20s and 30s are sick of dating and want to settle down, but don't want to date people who have no potential for marriage, so they think it's better to ask these questions straight off. For the record, I'm 32, and would RUN if someone started asking me these questions so early on.

I don't think it's possible to be friends with this person; a lot of people who really want commitments and such, esp. those who are clueless about relative situations (i.e., the age and experience difference y'all have), are the types who will wait around and around, building up favors and intimacy with you, and then get really angry if you don't eventually reciprocate and fall for them. They will scare off potential dates and friends, just to have you to themselves. They will insinuate themselves into your life in uncomfortable and embarrassing ways.

And if the guy were a good catch, someone in his own age group would have gotten a hold of him.

Answer 11

I know you know the answer to this...
Tell him you think he's in a hurry to do something, and you're just beginning to enjoy things around you. Hint to him to slow down and that his line of questioning made u uncomfortable. This would also serve as constructive criticism for the next girl he dated. Jokingly ask him if he thought you were the 'marryin type'.
Good luck...