My boyfriend has cancer, he is in denial. I am the only one that knows, I haven't met the fam yet, help!?

Question

We have only dated for 8 mths., his fam lives out of state. I understand about the stages I have read up on the situation. My big problem is he has been back to the Dr. since he found out. That's the scariest part for me. He is in the first stages, there a lump under is armpit-so I guess it's breat cancer?? He's not talking about. I really just what to get help he needs before it get out of hand.

Answer 1

The first answer from startrek is great.I have a friend who has got cancer and we tried to get her help and get her husband to get her help, we even called cancer places in Nashville and Oklahoma, and she was furious at us.We talk to a cancer specialist and said you have to let her handle at her own pace, even if she is running out of time the decision has to be hers and on her time scale.I really wanted to help, because I don't want to loose my friend and the specialist said it's her way of dealing with it.Good luck God Bless

Answer 2

It's really simple.

I'm a cancer survivor and I can honestly say it's one of the more serious things I've ever had to deal with. But it's absolutely imperative that your BF and YOU face facts and get yourselves informed RIGHT AWAY.

Cancer isn't an automatic death sentence but if you do something about it early on, its usually very treatable. Chemotherapy,Surgery and maybe Radiation ALL suck. But they are the tools modern medicine has available. Their success is premised on early detection and treatment. Denial however can be deadly.

To be fair however, someone said - he has cancer and whatever they decide is ok, I beg to differ.

Get the information first - if after you go to the doctor, get your preliminary tests and HAVE the information, the decision of how to treat the cancer, either through some combination of the above or whatever is ENTIRELY his decision. He may choose to consider your viewpoint and obvious caring/love for him, he may choose to look at it from the odds of success. If he discovers he's got a 96% chance of successful cure and chooses not to go for it, there's something else wrong , and he needs therapy - maybe more immediately than he needs cancer treatment.

If on the other hand there's only a 10% chance, you and he may want to get a second opinion or a third or a fourth, but it all if you are still left with that 10 or 12% chance, if he decides he doesn't want to do anything and just live out his remaining days, that's just as valid a choice.

It's not popular in today's culture but when faced with a tough choice like that he is the decision maker.

Either way he needs to explictly lay out his wishes so their isn't confusion later on, as it seems only wingnut politicians seem comfortable making decisions for anyone other than themselves.

Afterwards, you can play mental gymnastics and games and go into denial but put the childish things away for a couple of weeks and be adults - get informed then do whatever makes you most comfortable.

In some ways, I feel privledged to have gone to my cancer ward, since I've seen things I probably wouldn't have otherwise believed, I've seen a 13 year old girl stare death in the face with iron resolve and while she ran out of time, she never ran out of courage. I've seen captain's of industry fold like a cheap decks of cards crying when they get news that they have a minor case of something entirely curable, so in the face of these kinds of decisions, personally I feel it's entirely a matter of character.

I wish you both good luck.

Answer 3

Cancer is caused by poor nutrition (including oxygen) and stressors. Stressors can be environmental, like heavy metals, food additives or pollution, or emotional or job stress.
Our bodies have 60 trillion--yes, trillion--cells, and there are always some mutating into cancer cells, but a healthy immune system kills them before they have a chance to get a foothold in the body.
It takes a LONG time, usually, or an exrtaordinary amount of stressors, to degrade the immune system to the point where it won't do its job, but once cancer has formed, it can spread rapidly.

THIS IS IMPORTANT! There are ways to BEAT cancer that the AMA is keeping from the American public, that are being used in Europe and around the world. Here is some information that is getting hard to find--"The Cure for All Cancers", ISBN 0963632825; "A Cancer Therapy", ISBN 0882681052; "Hydrogen Peroxide--Medical Miracle", ISBN 1885236077; "The Natural Cure for Cancer--Germanium", ISBN 0533071410; and "Killing Cancer", ISBN 0705000966.

Type 'used books' into your browser and find a good site, then type in the ISBN numbers and get some great help cheap.

I know of people whose cancer has 'spontaneously remitted' (WENT AWAY for no known reason) after they went on a program of herbs and nutrition.

The American Medical Association and the pharmaceutical companies control medical law in this country, and they are in it for the money, and don't care about individuals. You and your family must look out for yourselves to stand a chance of being healthy.
This is not a joke. Look into it. Best of luck

Answer 4

Cancer is not a death sentence. I was diagnosed 2 years ago, sure it was a shock but I found that research and educating myself about every aspect of this condition helped lessen the stress and led me to alternative therapies that I believe have put me back on the road to health and life. There are thousands of great resources on the net just don't be drawn in by the magic bullet or miracle cure scams. Have him read "Lessons from the miracle doctors" which can be found (free) at the site listed below. Good Luck

Answer 5

How long has he known that he has cancer? I know it is scary and hard to face,but I did face it.
I felt that it was better to get treatment sooner that later so that I would have a better life in the long run and a better chance to survive.
I had a tumor in my liver and had to have a transplant. My transplant was 3 years ago and the doctors tell me I am fine now and have at least 15 to 20 more years of life left. So that will make me 85 to 90 years old if they are right or I don't get hit by a Mach truck first.

Answer 6

You do not mention your age or the length of your relationship. There could be reasons that your boyfriend does not want his family to know, that is totally up to him whether he wishes to contact them or not.
You are his friend, and you must let him deal with this the best way that he can. Most hospitals and clinics have social workers now who are willing to help with this types of issues. When he is ready he can talk with them.

In the meantime, there is very little that you can do. You might want to find out as much information as you can about his type of disease or ways that you can be supportive.
CancerCare is a good online organization that can help caregivers and friends through this process.

CancerCare
http://www.cancercare.org/

Hang in there, and be strong. It's a rough journey.

Answer 7

Allow him to deny. It is his right as a cancer patient. You should not take it upon yourself to inform the family. That is his decision to make and his right.

The best thing you can do is to be yourself and be supportive and be prepared for him to exhibit other signs of emotional distress before he comes to grip with what's going on.

He'll be angry, depressed, distant and needy maybe in a five minute span. Don't judge him based on his reaction now. Stress causes people to do many different things.

Be supportive. Gather facts (facts only) then if he starts asking questions you may be able to give him some information that will help him to start coming to grips with the process his life will be in for the forseeable future.

Answer 8

Denial is the first stage of grief, and your boyfriend is grieving. He needs to let his family know, and as soon as possible. Do what you can to help him with this and everything to come, but remember that you can't force him to do anything.

We talk about stages of grief, but really, this is not a linear process.

You both have some tough times ahead. You in particular need to find it in yourself to stick by him through all of this. Even if you can't find in in yourself to remain his girlfriend, do everything that you can to remain his friend. He'll need all of that and more.

I'm giving you some links to the stages of grief. You both need to read them and understand them. As for more information about his type of cancer and for more information about dealing and coping with it, your local cancer organization, foundation, society or whatever will have great resources. They might even have a program in which survivors of a particular type of cancer work with patients, particularly newly diagnosed patients. They should be just a phone call away.

Best of luck to the both of you in this fight.

Answer 9

It is normal to go into denial when the body malfunctions.
I have spinal cord injury for 3 years & I'm still in denial !
Many of us also, do not want the family involved if at all possible, that is just our personality.
Denial, however, should NOT interfere with seeking care.
I get treatment for my injury, he should be aggressive in getting himself educated about his cancer and seeking out multiple professionals about treatment.
Many cancers are now treatable and curable when caught early.
Support him about education and getting professional help.
Many types of cancer but medicinenet has excellent info

http://www.medicinenet.com/cancer/index.htm

Answer 10

Hello, I am Jazzy J's mom.

Don't feel sorry, take action.

What type of cancer. If it is protrate- tell him to contact Loma Linda University in California--Very successful outcomes for ALL the people I have known who went there.

Other cancers use 1/2 cup lowfat cottage cheese and 1 1/2 tablespoon of cold pressed flaxseed oil mixed together. Check your internet and look under "Johanna budwig" Success rates for people who were given up to die. Best wishes. Remember to pray and ask God for healing.