My finace has an 11 year old daughter. The mother is married with 3 other children. She (the mother) seems to think that they all will being coming to the wedding. I do not care for the woman, in fact more than likely she or her children will end up embarassing me. (They have been known to do that at other weddings.) What would be a polite way to tell her "HELL NO and ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" By the way...She tends to hold grudges and is two faced. For example...she invited me to be her friend on MYSPACE, I ingored her request and then she asked me why. She tends to talk bad about me in front of the daughter and I hear about it.
2007-01-21 03:17:48 · 47 answers · asked by Sarah P 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
P.S...They were never married.
2007-01-21 03:27:27 · update #1
BY the way...THE DAUGHTER IS IN THE WEDDING!!!! I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH HER, SHE IS GREAT!!! IT IS JUST THE MOTHER
2007-01-21 03:30:23 · update #2
I personally asked her to be in the wedding her and I have a great relationship. Its the mother
2007-01-21 03:38:09 · update #3
He cannot stand her!!! She violated a court order and took her out of state (she could have gone to jail for that.) He just found her over a year ago. She just assumes that she and her family are coming. Sir, I think that this question is getting way out of hand now...Thank you for your answer. Valley R.
2007-01-21 03:55:25 · update #4
I apologize for not being clear in explaining my question and also for the use of the word "MY" instead of "OUR" wedding. Thanks for all of your answers. :)
2007-01-21 14:47:18 · update #5
Most likely the two womans with same man will not like each other.
- If you dont want them, talk to your fiance if he can tell them. (I think thats the best way if you dont want them to come)
- You are right about not wanting them, but you can also just live them come, dont think about what they are going to do, think about the marriage....think about, this is the day when you are becoming a wife. its a day when you and your partner become one. dont let anything else ruin your feelings about, just be happy, dont let anyone let you down. even if they try to ruin your wedding, you think they will win over your feelings. dont let them.
- I hope what I said helped even if its a little bit.
2007-01-21 03:46:41 · answer #1 · answered by mhshhaduw 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Okay - of course it is your wedding, and of course you shouldn't have to have people there you want.
but PLEASE, just weight the long term implications. Would you rather be "right" or "happy."
You don't want this woman creating custody problems for your finace and his daughter. You MUST tred carefully with her, she has a lot of power because of the girl. (Have you been watching Desperate Housewives? I don't think you'll be so lucky as to have her be in a store robbery).
Will there be any other children there other than the ones int he bridal party? If not, perhaps you could find a comprimise and invite her to an "adults" only reception. And be clear that, except for those in the wedding party, there will be no children. (you do run the risk of her bringing them anyway). If there are kids there, you have to make a choice.
But I"m telling you really think through what she might do if not invited. You have to look out what is best long term for all, beyond your wedding day. A little drunken antics may be worth not having her hold a grudge and take it out my jeopardizing your husbands relationship. What kind of custody does your husband have?
If you absolutely don't want her, and you feel the risk of her wrath is worth her not being there...just don't invite her.
HE should just explain to her that she is valued has his daughter's mother, however, he feels that the fact that she is his ex just doesn't seem appropriate to invite her.
You could send her an invitation to the daugher at your address, as to not seem to rub the moms nose it it. Again, you don't want to push her buttons. She could decide to take the daughter out of town that weekend.
Your wedding day is yes, very special DAY (one day), but you are dealing with people that you have no choice in dealing with for a very long time. Think carefully.
2007-01-21 07:07:15 · answer #2 · answered by apbanpos 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No you are not wrong and its you right not to have her there. In all honestly the last wedding I planned had this same problem and the couple hired private secuirty. They are plain clothed adn no one will know what they are if you dont mention it. In their case the ex wife showed up with all intent to ruin the wedding. The guard blocked her entrance and informed her that she would be arrested for disturbing the piece if she didnt leave. The guard was so helpful because no one including the couple knew what was happening outside adn so the wedding was not runied. Be honest with her and if she gets mad oh well there is nothing that you can do to keep her from getting mad. She will be mad no matter what you do so stand your ground and tell her that she is not invited adn thats the end of it..
2007-01-21 05:31:48 · answer #3 · answered by mother 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She cannot be assuming if she has not been invited. You will have to make it clear to her that there will be people at the wedding who will look after the girl in the wedding, like the other bridesmaids, or a sister or someone. Make that clear.
However, you are marrying this man, and his first family will always be in his life. You have to find some way to deal with this in a more pleasant manner, or you may alienate him.
2007-01-21 08:22:26 · answer #4 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She assumes based on him and her having a child together, that if her child is in the wedding, so should she.
It is a very rude thought that some ex's do obtain.
I would recommend for the 11 year old daughter's sake and yours, to have a civil conversation that this is a "close family/friend" gathering.
Leave it at that.
She complains. Then ignore as shouting back will feed the fire.
2007-01-21 05:34:47 · answer #5 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If he was the step-father to these kids and they have a good relationship with him, I see no harm in inviting them to the wedding, kids can't help what their mother does, but if it's a different situation, then just invite his daughter, no explanation needs to be given and none is owed.
If she presses you, just have your fiance' tell her that you both have discussed this, which you should have, and have decided that it would be inappropriate and uncomfortable for him and for you to have his ex at the wedding, but having his daughter there is very important to him, and he would hope she'd respect his wishes and not cause a rift between him and his child and allow her to celebrate this day with him without incident.
No matter what you decide, HE is the one who should be dealing with her, not you, it's not your job, you didn't have a relationship with her and are under no obligation to have one with her now.
Congratulations on the wedding and good luck!!!!!!
2007-01-21 03:29:40 · answer #6 · answered by Angeleyes 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Its your wedding simply let her know it is his daughter that is attending that her and her family are not welcome. Tread lightly though you want to have a bond with the child and the mother could use this against you. I am a step parent its a touchy situation. Good luck and dont let her barge in on your life there are times I have almost quit with all the BS that comes from my husbands ex and child. Again the ex fault not my daughter (i dont use step)
2007-01-21 04:07:02 · answer #7 · answered by troys_wifey2003 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey I'm in your boat, only there r 2 children and 2 exs!!!! we get the kids on alternating schedules on opposite weekends. When setting the date we thought about which woman we absolutely didn't want and would be less likely to let us have just the kid. we'll have to deal with the lesser of to evils but we have arranged already for some people to run interference. I wish you luck!!! Just remember that its your day, tell her its your day, and if she can't behave that she'll be escorted out!! She may shock you after a conversation like that (or be offended) and decide not to go..
2007-01-21 05:02:24 · answer #8 · answered by Debbie S 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
OK. You are not wrong. She is wrong. don't back down. She is trying to bully you, if you let her get away with it now...oh are you in for a ride!
If your fiance is close to the daughter, then give her a part in the wedding. Jr. bridesmaid, flower girl, sign in guests, something. Tell the other lady that you will take responsibility for getting her the right dress. You will be sure to send her a photo of the girl in the dress as a keepsake, because it really isn't proper for an ex to be at an event where two sets of parents/families will be in the mix.
Tell that woman, "Thank you for your concern! It's wonderful to know you care and wish us well. With my family and his family in the mix, we really aren't supposed to put former relationships of either of us in the way of them trying to get together. Naturally, we will include his daughter. I will provide the transportation for the daughter, I will be responsible for her dress, and I will send you a really good photo of her." .
2007-01-21 03:31:18 · answer #9 · answered by Mature Witch 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Just don't send her an invitation..maybe mention it to the mother of your guy's daughter that there is limited space. The mother of your guy's daughter has no need to be there, she's not friends of either you or your guy nor is she family, expect for his daughter and since it's not the child's wedding there is no real need for her to be there, I'd just tell her she's not invited, that there is no reason she needs to come.
2007-01-21 04:08:13 · answer #10 · answered by Kitikat 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋