I have been married 4 seven years, my husand looks for every chance to leave, there is no consecutive weekend that i can remember that he spent with me. He drinks and always says he needs time out. I have found that he enjoys looking at porn on the internet. When he is at home , if he is not asleep, he is on the internet or playing games. I can not remember a time were we could sit with out any distructions and have a meaningless conversation. He claims that he loves me , but i have lost hope. I cant stand it when he has a drink as that seems as an exscuse for him to leave. He often comes back early hours of the morning or a day later.He also claims that he likes the company of guys and been at a bar or socializing, Is he just with me for convenience as we have 4 kids or is he just a guy that enjoys parting. I dont drink could that also be a reason he finds drinking company.
I am lonely and temptered to move on.
2007-01-21 02:46:25 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Ask him to grab that little bit of love he's sure he still has for you and accompany you to counseling, in a last ditch attempt to rescue the marriage. Otherwise, go alone and see what ideas you come up with about your future steps.
Best wishes for resolution.
2007-01-21 02:50:17 · answer #1 · answered by Zeera 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
so your lifestyles are different he likes bars, drinking , porn, and partying, that may be true but he should at least make time for you and the kids it isnt your job to stay home all day and he run the streets I mean he married you so there must be something about you he liked I cant say anything about the porn as long as he is taking care of you in the bedroom but as for he other stuff totally neglecting you is just selfish, he should share his time with you go out and have dinner go to the movies do something fun with you, not just with his buddies all the time. I know that you dont drink and thats fine doesnt mean he should leave you home just because you dont drink there are other things you two can do like dancing have good convo when he goes out etc. I think you should voice your thoughts to him on how this makes you feel seek marriage counseling if that doesnt work then find what makes you happy you deserve to be happy. If he is not feeling the relationship anymore dont continue to give the luxury of having you become the babysitter put some reality into his brain get seperated, come to a visitation agreement with the kids every other weekend he has them and a few hours everyday Im sure that will make him realize that his party days are over when he has to be stuck at home sitting while you are out enjoying yourself. You might need to also remind him providing child support for 4 children is a heep of money he should think about that but at the same time I wouldnt want him using that as an excuse to stay around when he doesnt really want to. I hope everything turns out okay I know you dont me but if you need to talk Im here email me.
2007-01-21 03:02:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
More than anything - what you've described seems to be an alcoholic husband... you need to seek counseling with a professional, and if he's not willing to go, you do need to look into leaving. This is simply an unacceptable living situation for you and you deserve better.
I'm not a fan of divorce, but children can tell when there's a problem between parents. And what you've described is way beyond a simple problem.
I'm so very sorry - but unless your husband gets help of some kind, you need to find a man who appreciates you, for you...
-dh
2007-01-21 03:00:26 · answer #3 · answered by delicateharmony 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can see several possible scenarios: 1) He's bored with you and is looking elsewhere for "fun", 2) he's really gay and is using you as his "beard"-a wife who has his children and helps him cover up the fact that he's gay; this 2nd one has happened twice to people I know, my old boss(a guy), married for 20 years with 2 male teenagers announced he's getting a divorce and moving in with his lover and my brother (now deceased) was engaged to a lady who also had 2 kids, was mentally and physically abused by her former husband who hadn't come out yet...it happens all the time- I'd have a computer savvy friend come over and check the computer's history and his e-mails....then dump the dope after confronting him...
2007-01-21 02:56:05 · answer #4 · answered by sweet ivy lyn 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Considering you have four children involved in the equation, I would leave him.
He drinks, he chooses to hang with his buddies than his own family, and he looks at porn (a very dangerous thing to get into).
You shouldn't have to live with someone like that. You might feel like you love him, but don't always rule with your heart, use your head as well. And think of your kids.
You know what you have to do.
2007-01-21 03:36:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-31 22:02:50 · answer #6 · answered by hinch 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been cheated on, too. I know it hurts. If you think you are being cheated on, you are being cheated on. For me, I couldn't believe she would cheat on me. Even when others told me that she was cheating on me, I still didn't believe it. So, now I realize if one thinks that one is being cheated on, one is being cheated on.
If he loves porn so much then why isn't he acting out with you? He loves porn because he loves sex.
My ex didn't love porn, but the other things you describe are similiar to what she was doing. She always told me that she loved to hang with the girls. When I tried to talk to her about the late nights, she told me that I was treating her like a slave. (I never treated her like a slave. She never worked. She had her own car. She did whatever she wanted to do. I worked 2 jobs, sixteen hours a day and every weekend. If anyone was a slave, it was me.) What I am trying to say is that he will lash out at you if you try to talk to him about cheating. He will say things that are crazy, so expect it.
Why don't you contact that show Cheaters, http://www.cheaters.com/ They might take your case. They will follow your husband for free, and help you out. You can go to their website, and click on the link, Is your Parner Cheating - Submit Your Case. The link is on the left side of the page. Let them follow him around and find out for sure. You know he is cheating.
You can also use keylogger on your computer to record every click that he makes. When he is gone, you are able to read every email that he sends out, and you are able to go to every site that he went to. There is software out there called keyloggers. The Cheaters website even sells some software called PC Pandora. He won't know that you are able to read all of the emails that he sends out, every keystroke that he keys in, and every website that he goes to.
You need some counseling, too.
Maybe, you will be able to work something out after he gets caught. One of the things, you might consider doing is moving to another city. I know this sounds drastic. If he has women in your town, moving will help him avoid those people and get a fresh start for both of you.
2007-01-21 03:14:56 · answer #7 · answered by phatside 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was married for 6 yrs and was divorced 7 months ago in the same situation. My husband judt got tired of being married. If you don't sit him down and just say Honey, I FEEL and ( don't say you you you gets them or anybody defensive) our marriage is not working out. I feel kinda lonely and pour your heart out. But don't accuse him of anything your not sure of you wouldn't like that if it was happening to you. Just think before you jump. and Good Luck :)
2007-01-21 02:55:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't tell you to leave your husband. But, I will tell you to go with what your instincts tell you -- they are right majority of the time. Your happiness is important. Your marriage does not sound like a happy stable marriage with a faithful husband.
2007-01-21 02:52:13 · answer #9 · answered by JB 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wonder what would make this man not want to participate in or spend time with his family? I think he is definately up to something.
2007-01-21 02:50:30 · answer #10 · answered by gawd0 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋