She doesn't pay any attention to her son?

Question

My 15-year-old daughter has a 7-month-old baby(boy).She had had sex with that boy(18 years old),who doesn't care about the child and now he doesn't even live in our state.My daughter doesn't pay any attention to her son(who I love very much) and she only goes out with friends and doesn't care about the baby.How can I make her take some care of her son?She is 14,not 4,she is old enough to pay attention to a little child.

Answer 1

It's time for a heart-to-heart with your daughter. If she doesn't want to care for the baby, then she may need to consider adoption. If she does want the baby, then you need to agree on rules that will allow her to care for the child, and still give her the opportunity to be a student. However, she needs to understand that she is a mom first and a kid second. Together, you need to decide what are her responsibilities and how you can assist. Remember, though, that for this to work, you can't tell her what to do, you need to come to these decisions together, just as two adults would..

This decision will probably be harder for you than for her. But unless you want to raise the child as your own, which doesn't provide your daughter with any consequences for her behavior, then you should talk about the choices that need to be made. If she decides to keep the baby, but doesn't follow through on her end, then you'll need to start talking to an adoption counselor.

Please don't wait too long to do this. If your daughter decides to give up her son, there are many prospective parents out there who would love the opportunity to raise your grandchild in a loving home. Your grandson deserves parents who will be accountable to him.

Good luck!

Answer 2

My first solution is, have you tried a reward system? At home and at school my daughter was having trouble this year-she's also in the 2nd grade. I re-implemented our checklist. She has a number of responsibilities such as cleaning her room, making her bed, homework, school conduct, etc that she can either get a check mark for or an "x" mark. If she gets enough checks, she is rewarded- usually by an icee drink and/or a family movie night. Could he have a type of learning or attention disorder. I'm not suggesting this to be mean or rude. I know of a boy who got into trouble a lot and didn't follow directions. The parents were told he had adhd, and a high functioning autism later on. Again, I'm not being judgmental, I think this is a very common problem in kids at this age. I do not think there has to be something wrong with someone just because they do not do the right thing. Its probably normal and you would need to find a way to work with him to get him to follow directions. I just suggested the attention disorder because I felt bad that the kids was getting in so much trouble and couldn't really help it without more help from adults.

Answer 3

What a horrible situation you are in and I am sorry. You really have alot of questions behind the question and I would highly recommend family counseling.

For starters, your daughter is still your daughter. You are in a tricky spot because you still need to guide her into responsible adulthood. If she leaves in your house she needs to respect your rules. She also made a mistake, this is not the time to scream at her or you will loose her forever. Kids need their parents love even more when they make a mistake.

Having said that, all actions have consequences. Part of her consequence is raising her child. What is being done about the father (I am a guy so don't go thinking I am some guy hater) he has just as responsibility has your daughter, you might need to take legal action to protect your grandchild.

I am thankful to her your grandchild was not aborted. I know you love your grandchild but what is best for its life? Is adoption an option if your daughter is neglecting her son? I think child services would think so. Maybe that is to extreme but just bringing it up in a loving conversation might scare your daughter into her responsibility.

Way to much here to know without going into more. If you have other children, this is probably creating alot of other issues in your home as well and also is a good family decision topic on responsibilities.

Hang in there. There are many resources out there to help you with this. I am sure many users here can point you, but a few I can think of are:
www.troubledwith.com
www.family.org

These are non-profits that can help connect you with counselors and resources to help your make a good decision.

Answer 4

Your daughter sounds like she is in denial, and hasn't yet accepted the fact that she is no longer just a 14?15? year old, shes a "mother." Your daughters decision to not care or give vital attention to that rapidly developing child is damaging, emotionally, physically, and mentally. As it looks, scaring her won't do any good, it doesn't sound like she'd be threatened by the thought of someone taking her child away from her, but you might possibly be able to make her understand what "her child being taken away" really means... CPS is not forgiving!!! and with that organization... whats done is done.

You cant make someone take care of their child, and I'm not sure if where you live entitles a teenage mother to become a legal adult.... Whether or not you have any authority over your daughter is not really an issue, your still her parent, and it sounds like she is still very much in need of your guidance. She may hate you for making her " step up " but she'll resent you for letting her fail years down the road when harm because she did not carry out her paternal duties damages her child... your GRANDCHILD.

You need to set a schedule, that revolves around that baby. Your daughter is a mother, which means giving up our own personal need for alone time or freedom and being able to go out with friends... I'm not saying she shouldnt be able to do it, but there is a time and a place. Children need structure, and both your daughter and grandson are in desprite need of it. You are responsible at this point for setting an example, getting them in a routine, and seeing them through a crutial time in all of your lives. Get your daughter into parenting classes, give her the tools and much needed information that will allow her to become a better parent.... that you hope somewhere deep inside she wants to be.

Answer 5

Hello and bless you for being a concerned grandparent here in asking about this. In some cases such as your daugthers, they see after the fact perhaps this was more than they could possibly handle. As as a result they turn away from the child because its a constant reminder of her actions which she may not approve of herself now. However she may never tell you that part. Instead why not love your daughter regardless and that baby is the innocent one there. That baby as well as your very impressionable daughter need love and compassion. Try to love them both and get some counseling for yourself at emotions anonymous or try that families anonymous ( you can find them here on line) I'm sure there is a support group for you to take your concerns to and be better able to help understand how to manage that in your home. Instead of looking at the problem lets see what the real gift is here . Perhaps a chance of helping your daughter learn values as a responsible parent and loving young woman . Young women like your daughter in her situation given your question here sounds ot me as if she need some help . In the meantime, may i suggest some support for yourself ? God bless and good luck.

Answer 6

Ground her. She lives under YOUR roof. YOU provide for her. She's not even old enough to work. She has a responsibility, and that is to the child that she conceived.

Now, at her age, I would let her have one afternoon a week to hang out with her friends (every mom needs a break, no matter how old or how young). She needs to learn, though, that the freedom that she used to enjoy is not available to her now unless that baby is given up for adoption. YOU may even want to adopt the baby if that ever comes up.

She's not an adult, though, and she's got a lot of growing up to do. Plain and simple. She's not ready to be a mom.

Answer 7

First of all, your her parent so don't let her go out all the time. Being a parent means you don't always get to have fun with your friends and she needs to learn this. Stop babysitting so she can go out. Sit down and discuss this with her. Maybe she should consider giving the child up for adoption if she can't take care of him. Don't make it easy for her. She's 14 and had a child, this shouldn't be easy for her. Good Luck!

Answer 8

she is realizing the consequenses of her actions, She made a mistake but she is still your child.
She is trying to ignore the reponsibility she aquired by acting like an adult and having sex and then having a child. This is a tricky situation because she is so young. You don;t want her to resent having the child. I would suggest to support her in any way you can, let her go out and enjoy her friends however, insist she does some basic things with her child like feeding, baths, washing bottles and stuff like that. What you don't want is for her to resnt having the baby.

Answer 9

Well I myself got pregnant at 14. But I gave him up for adoption. Best thing I could have ever done. However, You are the mother of her. Don't let her go out, Make her take care of this child. You are not the mother of him she is. Try and talk to her. Figure things out. Is she embarresd? Scared? What. Make it known that he is her responsibility now and she has to own up to it!

Answer 10

This is a very difficult situation. What you,as the parent need to do is continue to help her. She is still going to need time with her friends. However she now has a child so she also needs to spend time with him. Set up a routine with her. Let her know that she needs to do the following things, and explain what they are to her.

Another idea is to find an organization in the community where young mothers can get together and talk. If their is not one in your community, try and start one. I am sure if you contact the loacl school they will help you.