Why is a woman considered a slave to a man if she is expected to do anything?

Question

Why is it fully expected that a man with good manners will always serve the woman by opening her doors, assisting her through doorways, defering to her in all cases ("ladies first"), and otherwise catering to her (including ponying up all the cash for dates),

whereas:

He is criticized as wanting her to be his slave if he expects her to also serve him in any small way (e.g. prepare a meal and bring him a plate)?

If she says she is looking for a man that will treat her as the above, she is told that she should demand that treatement and is deserving.

If a man says that he demands ANYTHING at all from her, he is criticized for wanting a slave.

Why can't he prepare his own food and plate? He can.

Why can't she open her own doors and pay her own way? She can.

What's so bad if they show how they feel by serving each other, though?

Why is it good manners for him to serve her and slavery for her to serve him?

Answer 1

Because feminism has undefined the roles of women and men. Not redefined, UNdefined.

So, the things that used to be the proudly womanly (ladylike) or proudly manly (gentlemanly) are now (by many) considerd to be either chauvanistic (opening a door for a lady) or demeaning (actually preparing and serving a meal).

Didn't our fathers/mothers and grandfathers/grandmothers proudly treat each other this way?

And they divorced at far lower rates and had fewer problems.

I think they were on to something.

All I can suggest is to find someone that understands that their must be some definition to life. I would say to reject this undefined free for all where any wifely (womanly) task is considered demeaning.

THAT is a major reason that the divorce rate is 50%.

Answer 2

It basically comes down to this, neither one should EXPECT to be served. Not every man out there opens doors for ladies, so when a man actually does, it's very appreciated and should always be appreciated. And just the same as a girl making dinner for her man, not ever girl cooks, so if you lady makes you dinner, regardless if she actually "serves it to you " (that might going a little too far), but when she does, it shouldn't be EXPECTED, it should be appreciated. That's where the slave thing comes from, it's when your mate expects you to do things and no longer appreciates it. You see, sometimes the "lady" can open the door for you, to show she appreciates you and also, so can the "man" cook a nice dinner, to show the lady that he appreciates her. Basically you just have to always appreciate what you have right in front of you and never make neither one feel like they are expected to "serve" you. What happens more naturally, is that you will soon enjoy doing things for each other because you love each other and making each other happy.

Answer 3

It's mutual respect that makes a woman want to "serve" her man. And I don't mean like a slave. Small things here and there to show that you appricate them. And about paying for dinners..I always bring my own money and offer to pay...and if he pays, I get the tip. So I think it all has to do with NOT expecting or demanding something from the other person...but it has everything to do with MUTUAL RESPECT.

Answer 4

Because the women feel like they are giving the man something just by allowing them to be in their presence and do things for them. This, they feel, is their gift to him.

It's called arrogance and most women have it aplenty.

Here's some questions for you along these same lines:

Why is it that women expect presents from men on holidays and anniversaries, but many times don't feel that they have to give one? And when they do, why do they feel that it's okay if they give a cheap one, but the one the man is 'supposed to' get them should be expensive?

And why can they get away with putting on some undies and posing while saying that she is his present? And doing this time after time? Two things wrong with this. 1) It doesn't matter if she changes her outfit each time, it's still her underneath. If the man gave her a present one year and each year he took that present, re-wrapped it and then gave it to her again, you can be certain she would have a fit. But when she basically does the same thing with herself it's supposed to be okay. I can just imagine her reaction if he were to say to her as she displayed herself, "Didn't you give me that last year?" 2) How can she think of herself as a special present when he gets her on other days as well? Doesn't that sort of cheapen her as a present?

Answer 5

...I think it's good manners to serve anyone that is serving you. Obviously someone is going to have to take the first step in a relationship, and I don't believe there ought to be a dominant; the person who opens the door to love is going to be the one who deserves a silver-platter so to speak. Love is a lot about give-take. Without it there is nothing, so do your giving, there is always going to be time for the taking.

It takes a lot to reveal one's vulnerabilities, if we could do this more often I believe we'd all be receiving much greater fulfillment in our personal relationships.

Answer 6

Great question Gary. Life just ain't fair to us men any more. I hope it's safe to say that our brains are wired differently, and information is not processed the same in the 2 different wiring schemes.

Somewhere during the chivalry era and including the women's lib era, stuff got all crossed up and then this name-calling started. As my late father said many times, "Can't live with'em, can't live without'em"

Answer 7

It's not good manners for either of them to serve each other. It's patronizing. It implies that they need special treatment just because of their gender. Guys who still do either of those things around women, and women who put up with it, have zero sense of equality. I say, every man for himself — even if he happens to be a woman!

Answer 8

You are quite right on that but being thought a slave is someone who does not have a helicopter view of life.

I will do all the above plus more in bedroom until she cries with joy and happiness.

That's called love

Answer 9

obviously all the guys responding to this have not found the ideal person to be with, or they just give so much of themselves without any return that it has warped your vision. Not all women are like that just like not all men are pigs!

Answer 10

Common courtesy. Men have it a lot better off compared to women they don't have to worry about periods or having a baby or mood swings its appreciated to show respect towards the people who brought you into this world.