I don't like her. I wonder if it's just that I don't like Dad being married to her. She didn't leave me alone with the baby and she watched me like a hawk, but she was nice. She didn't ask a whole lot of questions or try to hug me. She just sat back and let me visit with Dad and the baby. What do I do to start to like her?
2007-01-21 01:42:14 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am in my early 20's. Dad has been away from the house since I was 2. He's been married to this woman for abotu 9 years and they have a baby of their own. I've been really mean to her for years.
2007-01-21 01:49:12 · update #1
It sounds like you have had a rough child hood since you were very little. No one should have to go through pain like you have probably experienced. I think that the pain you've experienced explains why you cause pain for others. That said, the big thing here is for you to forgive your dad for leaving you and your family and to learn to trust others. You have to let the wall down that keeps you from letting other people get close to you. Once you feel that you can trut people you may learn to like people. I would bet that you have problems with people other than your step-mom. It's trust that you have a problem with. It's not her. One of the other posts said that you don't have to like her. That' right. You don't, but you should be kind and respecting of her.
2007-01-21 02:19:43 · answer #1 · answered by Dillon J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to see your father with another woman and especially to see them happy & with a baby. Deep down I am sure you hold some sort of resentment to the fact that he and your mother aren't together. I know it probably hurts that he has his own baby and you feel left out since he has been out of your home since he was 2.
Nobody said you have to like your dad's wife. But, you could maybe just give her a chance. Open up a bit and get to know her a little bit. It may spark a great new friendship--then again you may realize you dispise her, whichever way you can proudly stand up and say "I gave her a chance" and you will feel good about yourself.
I really hope this helps, and the best of luck to you.
2007-01-21 10:37:30 · answer #2 · answered by ~Shelly~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you say you've been mean to her for years....but for some reason you've decided to stop that. Maybe you are growing up a bit, or trying to let go of the past. The funny thing is, the one who you ought to be angry with is your Dad, he's the one that left when you were young....so maybe your anger and hurt are misplaced? You ought to try to have a talk with HIM one day, just to let him know that you've been so mean because you were hurt and angry and confused. Say that you realize that your stepmom is a decent person, and that you don't want to force anything, but you plan to visit regularly to try to mend fences. THEN, don't force it. Don't stay for a long time, try to have something planned, so that there isn't a lot of pressure to come up with great conversation. If you don't ever really like her, that's OK, but visiting and being nice and polite are all you have to do.
2007-01-21 10:35:02 · answer #3 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever considered that you don't have to like her, maybe there is no way you could like her anytime anywhere no matter who she was married to or how nice she was? We don't always like on command. That said, it doesn't give you the right to act out your childish impulses to hurt and be rude. All you have to do is be polite, and at least as kind to her as you would be to an ordinary person, unless of course you aren't a person who is polite and kind. In which case that will spill over into other relationships and will cause you much pain. Frankly, if your previous relationship with her was of the hurtful kind then I wouldn't leave you alone with my baby either. Now is the time for you to behave like the adult you are and let it go. Whatever else goes on, your father married her and they have a child that hopefully won't go through what you did. Be a pleasant part of his family and even if you never like her you will welcomed in their lives.
2007-01-21 10:07:07 · answer #4 · answered by justa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the 2 of you need to get to know each other. Sounds like you don't like that she is married to your dad. I think that was very nice of her to let you have a nice visit with dad. Maybe next time you could ask her some questions get the ball rolling she may have been nervous too. But remember always be nice to her.
2007-01-21 09:58:35 · answer #5 · answered by Pandora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think part of it could be that you resent her for marrying your dad.
the simple fact that she even let you in her home is a promising start for you to make the best of this situation.
you can accept her for who she is and that will be a great start to getting to know someone. if you truly want to be a part of your dads life and your step-sisters than you would do well to realize that this is not a power play. You are (at this point) an invited guest and your manners and attitude should reflect this.
you sound much nicer now than when you asked the first question.
2007-01-21 17:03:47 · answer #6 · answered by angel1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since it sounds like your reason for not liking her is that she is married to your dad, Id suggest you try to look at things in a different way. If this lady makes your dad happy then you should be happy also. My children watch how my new wife and I interact with each other and can tell im very happy and they appreciate her for making me feel that way
2007-01-21 09:53:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are jealous of seeing your dad love another (like you should have been loved) and you are jealous of his wife. You are young and this will not upset you in the future like it does now. It is what it is. Don't punish yourself out of a chance of reconnecting. Be loyal and respectful. Treat her like you would want to be treated. She doesn't HAVE to let you hold the baby and she doesn't HAVE to accept you..............but it appears that she is anyway IN SPITE OF THE FACT that YOU mistreated her. Gratitude is the better attitude. Forgive and live.
2007-01-21 09:54:42 · answer #8 · answered by spinster wife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't come up with specific rational reasons for not liking her, I would suspect that you are upset that your father is no longer with your mother and that step-mom is NOT the problem.
2007-01-21 09:47:24 · answer #9 · answered by know_it_all_NOT 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
find a hobbie you both have in common
(e.g - shopping)
lthen spend some time 2gether doing that hobbie !
2007-01-21 13:02:45 · answer #10 · answered by Blossom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋