so my gf and me have only been goin out for 2 mos. My gf is black and i am white. My parents dont want me dating her and her parents dont want her dating me. i know we really love each other a lot, though. What should i do, should i break up with her because of my parents or should we "secretly" date behind our parents backs? plz, tell me what to do
2007-01-21 00:49:01 · 9 answers · asked by meandchu 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Normally I would say to listen to your parents. But since it's a culture issue, I say you have to do what your heart says. How old are you though?
2007-01-21 00:52:13 · answer #1 · answered by FaerieWhings 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dang! Where do you live? Alabama or something? Texas? I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. If your skin colors (and all that is associated with that) are truly the only reason your parents do not want you together - they are just downright WRONG. IF - however - there are other things about her that they do not like - such as no ambition, drinks, uses drugs, disrespectful, not a good student - etc. - then none of my advice below applies.
How old are you? Will you soon be out from under their roofs? If so - you COULD just stop things for awhile and resume when you are no longer having to follow their rules.
You do need to think about some things. Is this girl more important to you than your family ties? Because if you continue to date her - you will not have your family's support. Even if they are wrong about their reasons for not liking her, it is sad when your family is not celebrating your love and happiness with you. How important is that to you??
Another thing you can do - is just refuse to stop loving her. They may ground you and take away every priviledge that you have - but they CANNOT stop the way you feel. Nobody has control over your feelings except you.
I don't think that "secretly" dating is a good idea. Then - even though you are doing nothing wrong in regard to caring for your girlfriend - you will be showing dishonesty toward your parents - and your parents will hold that against you. Having your parents trust is very important. Going behind their backs will break down that trust. If you want to continue seeing her - just tell them that is your plan - and do not lie to them. You may, however, tell them that you think they are wrong in their beliefs.
Of course - a lot of this has to do with what your girlfriend wants to do. She is dealing with close to the same situation in her household.
Good luck to you. I truly thought the days of this type of problem were over. So sad.
2007-01-21 09:09:19 · answer #2 · answered by liddabet 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've only been together two months, you're not in love, you're just horny. Two months is not long enough to know someone well enough to be in love, especially coming from different backgrounds, and you are. Think I am wrong? Consider this scenario...
You and your gf love each other very much. Let's say she had a bf before you, and you make it very clear to her that you don't want her around him. Ever. She agrees to this. A couple weeks go by and you happen to see him and her parked in his car, making out and steaming the windows and hands pawing each other all over. When you confront her, she says you hid him from you because you refused to undersand, and all you can think about is how she deceived you. Would you still love her?
Now, you are planning to do that very thing to the people who love you. Your parents created you, raised you, were with you in sickness and health, good times and bad, worry about you, AND they were also horny teenagers once upon a time and know what you are feeling, even if now they don't like it. And they will be your parents and still love you "till death do us part" even if you crap on them by "cheating" on that love and seeing this girl behind their backs. I don't know what you should do, honestly. It's tough. But be man enough to be honest about her. Little kids hide sh*t from mommy and daddy to keep from getting yelled at. You think you are mature enough to be "in love"? Why act like a little kid?
2007-01-21 09:14:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
both of you pretend you broke up(in front of your parents) and act the way you would if you were devestated and heartbroken for the next couple of weeks- play breakup music, cry, be bratty (whatever you would usually do)
say your going out with friends(but meet her), or pretend you joined a school club and have "after school meetings".
make sure you go to places where no-one you know usually goes, just to stay on the safe side.
you get what i'm saying-follow your heart & make it a secret romance, plusthe fighting will stop cause you will have "broken up".
GOOD LUCK and i wish you all the best
2007-01-21 08:55:35 · answer #4 · answered by Milly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough situation, sounds like some closet racism by both sets of parents (well, it's not really in the closet, anymore!)
That is unfortunate, though, seriously. If you're not dependent on your parents, I say screw them and do what you want.
2007-01-21 08:53:22 · answer #5 · answered by uabsupercow 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you both are over 18 year old, i yes do what you want. On the other hand if your not old enough, too make that kind of choice, I would strongly be careful. I also think you should trust you mine and heart. Hard one!!
2007-01-21 08:55:11 · answer #6 · answered by Ms.Midwest 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no u and her need to tell ur parents its wrong what they r doing and u should date who u want!!
2007-01-21 09:33:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't say how old you are and this is a factor, in this relationship. I would give it second thoughts.
2007-01-21 08:57:15 · answer #8 · answered by rustybones 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
date her because you like her. Period they just need to deal with it.
2007-01-21 08:52:46 · answer #9 · answered by XC220 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋