What would you do?

Question

I'm going to try to make this as short as possible. The very abridged version is:

My sons father was a crackhead (I didn't know till after I got out of the relationship) and suicidal. While down in Florida he was in a rehab home and found out at 30 that he was adopted. This put him over the edge. 6 months later he swallowed too many pills, and OD'ed. That was 4 years ago today. There were so many secrets in the house that he grew up in that I feel were just steps taking him closer to his problems and I don't want to have to secrets in my house. But I never told my son that his father killed himself, though he does know everything else, that his father was an addict and had attempted suicide before, taking too many pills killed him. He's 11. Would you ever tell your child this truth or just let him put the pieces together, because he will one day. I just don't want him being mad at me when he does.

Please no judgments about my choices or his father. Thank you very much.

Like I said, that was a vert abridge version. he didn't attempt suicide until after he was put on antidepressents. There has been many studies done that shows the connection between these drugs and suicide in a lot of people.

He got the news from me the same day I got the news. I would never have kept that a secret. The secret is that his father committed suicide.

Answer 1

I think you should bring this fact to your son as soon as you feel he is able to handle it, before someone else does. The most important thing is for your son to understand that what his father did was nothing to do with him and does not mean his father didn't love him etc. Tell him how it was part of being an addict and on other meds.
Play up all his fathers good points to give him something to believe in and be proud of, he will need that as he gets older and even when he has his own children. All good luck to you.

Answer 2

if your son still thinks his father is alive i would tell him that he's gone, because finding out decades later that his father died when he was a kid might be too much of a shock for your son to get over easily. however, since nobody on here knows your son or what he can handle/how he reacts to serious news like this, i think only you can decide how many of the details surrounding his father's death to reveal. i hope everything works out well for you and your son. you should be commended for getting both of you out of what sounds like a very bad situation.

Answer 3

If he's never directly asked you, and he's 11 now, he knows. I'm sure he just doesn't talk about with you in order to save your feelings. Kids are pretty amazing and in tune with their parents feelings. You sound like a great parent, keep up the good work. Your son will be just fine, as long as he has you.

Answer 4

At some point, he will want to know the whole truth. I would consult a Dr before dropping this on him. He may not be ready for it now, but in the future he has every right for him to know. Good luck

Answer 5

I agree that at 11 years old he's far too young to face the truth of his father's death. But I think once he's mature enough, (and only you can know that moment) then he should be told the truth.

Answer 6

If he finds out for himself, he may feel that you are hiding other things from him. Since he does know about the attempt, I would tell him the truth.

Answer 7

I would tell him the truth. I would also tell him that if he EVER thinks about taking drugs or has thoughts of suicide, that he needs to tell someone immediately.

Answer 8

Don't tell him yet, wait until he's a little older and will be able to fully understand what you're telling him.

Be prepared that he might hate you for telling him.

Good Luck!!!

Answer 9

I would tell him the truth. It's better to come from you than for him to find out elsewhere.

Answer 10

when he is older you should tell him...but wait for the right time and the right moment to do that....do it gently....but don't let him find out on his own....good luck