I had this problem with my youngest son. He thought he should still be reward for doing something wrong as well as doing good. For example failing school and getting thrown off the bus for acting like a jerk. He would get rewarded for doing good.
2007-01-20 23:31:20 · 7 answers · asked by kingcobra_47 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
No it was not good he failed school or got thrown off the bus. He was taught proper manners. He didn't get what he wanted either by having a temper tamtrum. That didn't work with me.
2007-01-21 00:01:40 · update #1
He's 16 years old.
2007-01-21 01:20:08 · update #2
One example is that he thought he should be able to go to a concert after getting bad grades on his report card. The deal was if he got good grades he could go.
2007-01-21 01:22:39 · update #3
If he is seeking attention,you should become more friendly with him and not only behave as parent but as friend too.You should find the reasons he behaved like that.Don't only see the behavior,see the reasons as well.If you punish him for the behavior that's equal to see a fire-raiser running and making fire,and instead of catching the fire-raiser,you only run after him and extinguish the fire.Imagine the fire-raiser is the reason for your son's behavior and the fire is your son's behavior.See the difference?
So what should you do?You should hug him.That's not a reward for being bad,that's a resonable reaction as a parent.You are the authority and you should be firm but kind as well.What would you do if your best friend had done the same which your son did?You would ask your friend for the reasons and assume that he has the right to do what he considers as necessary.If he had done something bad,you would have tried to understand why,right?Well,do the same here.Understand why your son has done the bad thing and eliminate the reasons.If he is seeking attention or he is in power fight with you,or he is trying to revenge you because you have punished him for something else...all these are reasons and you should consider them.Your son as well as your best friend has a brain and when he does something there is a reason.Think about it and do what your heart makes you do.
And by the way,the concert has nothing to do with his bad grades.That's unwise and unreasonable "punishment".That's not a consequence for not studying.A consequence for not studying are his bad grades.What has it to do with a concert???Would you be glad if someone forbade you raise your son...because you don't work very well at your workplace?See - nothing common between one bad done thing and other forbidden thing.
2007-01-21 01:23:15 · answer #1 · answered by Livia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pardon me, but where was the good in failing and being thrown off of a bus? I guess it was good that he got himself thrown off the bus before he hit somebody or got REALLY annoying. I'm sorry but I don't see the good.
2007-01-21 07:46:59 · answer #2 · answered by Sharyn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I got what you were asking with this question (where were those first two people?) but I'm interested to know how old he is and what he expected as a "reward" after that behavior.
2007-01-21 09:13:54 · answer #3 · answered by desiderio 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its common in 16 year olds. They usually want attention. If he thinks he can be a "bad as*" infront of all of his friends hes going to think hes going to get attention. Well, as a parent show him what a bad as* really is.
2007-01-21 09:56:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
probably because when he threw a fit or wanted attention he ussually got what he wanted instead of corrected and taught proper manners
2007-01-21 07:49:27 · answer #5 · answered by S W 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Both punishments AND rewards are negative things. Please see "Punished by Rewards" by, Alfie Kohn more more detailed info.
2007-01-21 09:32:10 · answer #6 · answered by reereebsm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cause they wont to walk all over u in the future
2007-01-24 04:44:01 · answer #7 · answered by leona p 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋