Okay i had a previous question that the mother of my child (17) will be giving birth in 5 months and her parents want us to get married.My parent disagrees strongly.Alot of responses were you don't have to stay with her if you don't want to and etc.
Let me re-phrase myself.
I am 15 years old,I hold a job,teach film/animation at my high school (yes people..that's right..i teach it) I am enrolled in college classes at my university,i am religious (christian),I am in love with my partner very very much, and am i new father.
Now i believe in being married before having a baby.I agree with my spouses parents but my parent does not agree.Now...any advice? If you would like do check out my other related question to get a more detailed specification on my question.Thank you for all your advice or suggestions.God bless you.
2007-01-20 20:22:49 · 13 answers · asked by Matthew Bixal 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Well I answered before, but since you are sure you dont' want to adopt, and you are set on getting married, here is my advice. Check out the laws in your state... some have laws that if you are 16 and expecting a child, you can get pregnant without parental consent. Outline steps for your mother as to how you are going to do your best to make the marriage successful... she probably knows better than you do how messed up relationships can be,and how they are about more than love. Not all teen marriages are failures, although it does increase your chances of divorce. Many can still succeed, but they do need a plan, a ton of determination, and a lot of maturity. Also, give your mom time after you approach her with your plans of how you expect to provice long-term for your child, and how you expect to keep your marriage going. It may take sometime for her to warm up to the idea. Also, consider a covenant marriage (a marriage that is really hard to divorce out of... REALLY hard), and maybe she would like that idea more. P.S. since you are under 16, it may be very difficult for you to obtain legal permission to get married... you might want to make sure of your individual state laws.
PPS: El loco, you must be crazy to think that Christians don't make mistakes or dumb decisions just like everybody else. I have made plenty of dumb choices, and I am still a Christian... the only dif is, we are forgiven.
2007-01-20 20:35:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
God bless you as well. There are many good suggestions on your other question. I believe you need the approval of your mother in order to get married as young as you are.
You sound comitted and loving of both your girlfriend and your baby.
Like the others said, don't let anyone pressure you into the decision. You sound like you have already decided to get married.
Marriage is a good decision. Marriage is a lot of work. You will need to continue to do the things you do to keep your passion and love in your relationship. It's good to surprise her with flowers and other nice things. Some like to leave notes to let her know you are thinking of her even when you aren't there.
If you want suggestions of how not to be a father/husband then you will want to ask a different question.
You will want to talk with your mother about why she feels the way she does. Hopefully when you show your thoughtfulness the idea of you being a parent will grow on her.
If your mother absolutely won't give her blessing then you may need to wait until you are old enough to get married without her consent. That will be work too. You can continue by being a loving boyfriend/father during that time. It is like a long engagement.
I agree with those who suggest you be as involved as you can with your baby and girlfriend. That can save you the headaches of child support. You would be giving more by being there for them than they would receive just by a check. It's way better for the child if the parents work together too.
2007-01-21 04:42:19 · answer #2 · answered by Steve S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you love her find a way to get married. My nephew got married when he was 16 and they have been together for 5 years now and have two babies and are in love and responsible parents. I fell sad that you and your girl will miss being a young teenager but if you love her and she loves you than go for it... There are a few states that will marry you at such a young age... My neph and fiancee went to Las Vegas... they did have both parents signatures though. So you may need to do some research as to what states will allow it with out your parents signature... Make sure and tell them that she is gonna have your baby, that may make a dff..I don't know.
Good luck to the both, err 3 of you and your parents as well.
God bless you young man, sounds like you are trying to be responsible about it.
2007-01-21 04:31:59 · answer #3 · answered by sweetsal 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is difficult to know what to say. I have been there and we got married first (he is old enough now to do the math) It is really up to you. If you want to get married now and be more of an emotional and financial support then fair enough, however if you want to wait until you are more financially in control then that is understandable too. Try writing a list of pros and cons, including other peoples emotions. Try to balance things out and work out what will really be best for all three of you. I know it is hard when your whole family is so disappointed in you, but you need to suck it up and deal with the situation at hand.
GOOD LUCK!!
2007-01-21 04:30:17 · answer #4 · answered by kllr.queen 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have a job and everything is going so great then get your parent's to sign papers letting you marry her and you & her can move out and get a place together. Start paying bills and live out on your own without the help of mom and dad. It is time to grow up now because you two put yourselves in this position so start being a man and take care of what family you created now and don't rely on your parents for help. It is not their fault that you would not use a condom and it is not her parents fault that she wouldn't tell them she wanted birth control.
2007-01-21 04:32:18 · answer #5 · answered by ஐ♥Julian'sMommy♥ஐ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try thinking about it this way: Imagine that neither her parents nor your parents have expressed an opinion either way. Imagine that when you asked them about what you and your partner should do, both sets of parents simply answered "What does your heart tell you to do?" Ultimately, all parents just want their children to be happy in life, they may not agree with how you go about attaining that happiness, but regardless they will always love you & should support your decision either way. Good luck to you, it's going to be a tough & emotion filled journey ahead, but you sound ready for the challange, which ever path you choose.
2007-01-21 05:23:01 · answer #6 · answered by Chocolate Girl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A predicament my friend. You sound like a person of good intent, and therefore i would humbly suggest that you go over your guardians' head.
You do not need the blessing of someone who although might have good intent is not, nor has ever been in you situation.
If the problem is restriction then the only advice i could offer is emancipation.
I hope everything works out well. God Bless.
2007-01-21 04:34:01 · answer #7 · answered by Xerberus 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The worlds changed, nowadays people don't care whether your married or not if you have a baby, if you love her stay with her, but just "go with the flow". If YOU and your girlfriend want to get amrried, then by all means get married.But don't do it because of her parents, don't let your kid and yourselves go through the agonising divorce taht may happen if you get married to young. Believe me, it happened to me. wait till your older, wait till you get everything sorted out, and then get married. Remember 'Forever' is a very long time.
2007-01-21 04:39:51 · answer #8 · answered by made_up_cinderella 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want to be married to her, check into your states emmancipation laws. She is automattically considered an emmancipated minor, because she is pregnant(if it results in a live birth that she keeps) Check that out and see if it helps. If you really do all the stuff you say, you shouldnt have any problems becoming emancipated.
2007-01-21 04:30:46 · answer #9 · answered by onearkansasmommy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think when u and ur spouse agree to get married then ,i don't think ur parent should have any problem,but by ur parents point of view they might think that u are not old enough to get married or old enough to decide so u should agree with ur parents
2007-01-21 04:36:32 · answer #10 · answered by monalisa three 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋