Okay well i'm the father.My girlfriend is 17 turning 18 in March.I am unfortunatley 15.Her family is religious (mom is a abstince goer of our state) and they came to the conclusion we should get married before its illegal.Also it would be better for our child.Well i confronted my mother (no dad) and she disagrees very strongly.In a stubborn way.All she says is my age but its not about my age but about the baby.Right? She keeps telling me since i'm having a baby i have to grow up and be an adult but when i bring up the marriage she says your just a kid you can't get married.She doesn't make up her mind.I feel strongly about marriage (though i'm young) but i feel it will be right.Better for the baby.I never had a dad growing up so i want to be the official dad when its brought into this world.Does anyone have any suggestions and or advice.All is appreciated.Thank you and god bless you.
2007-01-20 19:47:04 · 21 answers · asked by Matthew Bixal 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
well you sound very mature about this, but i am gonna tell you what your not going to want to hear....all the hanging out with your pals and doing teenage stuff-kiss it goodbye...
in other words kiss your freedom goodbye......ALSO! do not get married for the sake of your child, TRUST ME!...if you aren't in love with this girl and you haven't been together for very long then i would advise you to wait, becuase if you marry someone you don't love you'll regret getting maried, thier is always a way to see your child if you don't get married..so talk to a lawyer about custody issues and such...theres alot of advise i could give but i am sure other people have things to say as well...
2007-01-20 19:55:46 · answer #1 · answered by Sydney 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure adoption woudn't be the best thing for the baby? After all, where will you live? How will you have any income? Will you still be able to finish school?
But if you have decided to have the baby, and you are positive you want to get married (which I think might be a good idea, but remember its not that easy... AT ALL), sit down with your mom and explain to her your answers for all of the above. Also, explain to her what steps you will take if you two start to feel like you made a mistake and want to get a divorce. Obviously you shouldn't get a divorce, so would you go for marriage counselling? Work less to spend more time together? etc. Also, decide what role college plays on your mothers mind... it will be very difficult to support a family while either or both of you are in college.
I know I didn't "help" any, but these are all questions you should ask yourself, and be prepared for other people asking them as well.
- Edit: I just went online to research some stuff to help you out in makin your decision. I encourage you to read the articles..... they make some very good points for and against teen marriage. except one which is just about each state laws in regards to marriage.
2007-01-20 19:58:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you should sit down alone with your girlfriend and discuss it. Talk it over without the parents around and try to find what is best for both of you. Dont feel bad if you both dont feel ready for marriage or raising a child Or you may love your girlfriend and even get married still. But having a child changes sooo much in ones life. It wont be your life at all anymore, it will revolve 100% around the child. It is a lifelong responsibility to raise a child and you both have a lifetime ahead of you still.
Dont rush, just be there to support and be a parent if you want OR adoption isnt half bad. Think about it, its the most unselfish thing a parent could do. There are a ton of wonderful childless couples out there just yearning for a baby.
Circumstances can make the best and worst in us all come out. Good luck in your decision. Please keep us posted with your outcome!
Also, its not illegal that she is older than you. It all happened prior to her being 18.
2007-01-20 20:43:45 · answer #3 · answered by AB 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can go ahead with the marriage, but I can tell you right now, it will be extremely bumpy for you, emotionally and financially. No matter if you love her, marriage (and a baby) will always bring out something new that you will be stuck dealing with if you get married.
I'm not the best with legal stuff, but you will also find some conflicts within that as well.
I would say hold off on the marriage, at least until you get your HS Diploma.
I would also say to sit down with your mom and tell her to listen. Even she said "grow up and be an adult," so now you tell her you're going to handle it like one. If she won't listen to you, find some way to get her to listen. Keep pushing.
It'd probably be a good idea to have your mom and you to meet with your girlfriend and her parents. Figure everything out with them.
But I'm not the most reliable source here, probably, so you do what you feel is right.
Good luck man.
2007-01-20 20:03:01 · answer #4 · answered by ZachsterPoke 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are just a kid, and having a baby is a huge responsibility. I am glad to hear that you want to be part of the kids life, you don't have to be married to do that though. As the dad you will always have rights to your child. It is a shame that your dad didn't step up and take responsibility for you, and I am sure you are better off for it. I mean, what kind of role model is he. Having a baby is no reason to get married. You are young, you need to finish school, and grow up before you can make a life changing decision. I hate to say it, bu the chances of your marriage working out are slim. What ever you decide i hope that it works out, but i urge you to think about getting married. It is better for the baby to be in a loving home, it doesn't mater if you are married.
good luck
2007-01-20 19:56:37 · answer #5 · answered by jelly 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Marrying the girl may not be best for the baby. It would be better to support the girl and your baby as much as you can, but be single and have a normal teenage life...
It would be bad for all of you if the marriage doesn't work out, and the baby is bought up in an unstable relationship, It will be harder on the kid to deal with its parents divorcing when its growing up.
2007-01-20 19:53:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
U do have to grow up and be an adult but I have to disagree with the thought that someone has to be married to be a man and take care of his child. Being married should be about You Loving that person you are marrying not marrying because she got pregnant......You may choose to enter into the sacred bonds of marriage but mark my words it will fail and you will just be making yourself another statistic of early divorce. Not to mention you are too young......U will see many women in the next 10 to 15 yrs and believe me you will cheat on your wife and she might cheat on you too. Neither one of you will want to be tied down right now.......Have you asked her what she wants or how she feels? She is too young and you are way too young! But if you go thru it u will soon see what advice i gave you go to work! Good Luck Be The Man and Be Free! Lock down ain't fun LOL!
2007-01-20 20:10:50 · answer #7 · answered by blaqfoxx240sx 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just because you got someone pregnant does not mean you have to get married. It would be best for the child. Unfortunately you do not have a good relationship with her mother, not that I would look favorably upon the person who got my daughter pregnant at such a young age. Her mother is trying to protect her daughter.
Try to get on her mother's good side. Marriage can wait. Think about it. If you remain with your girlfriend you will show worth. After you have finished school and have a job perhaps her mother will be more supportive regarding marriage.
Good luck.
2007-01-20 19:59:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't really think marriage is the right answer. Couples should never get married just because the girl is pregnant.
The best thing to do would be to support the child. Get a job, do as much as you can. If it comes down to it, go to court and get legal visitation.
Regardless of whether or not you are married, you are still going to be the child's father.
2007-01-20 19:57:33 · answer #9 · answered by lunartic5 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well...your in a pretty difficult situation..but since everything is done, we must think of a way to get the best outcome possible. firstly, i think your mom is right, you are too young to bring up a baby now, cuz u have your own self, your own life to look after first. secondly your 15 and in my country the legal age for a guy to get married is 21, i dunno how it is everywhere else. i would suggest be the father of your child, let him come into this world, ur girl friend can take care of him, and when the time is right maybe in a few years you guys can get married....all the best dude, i hope you make the right decision, bless you.
2007-01-20 19:56:10 · answer #10 · answered by fairymarie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋