What does it mean when my boyfriend of two years seems reluctant to talk with me about our future such as getting an apartment together and someday getting married. I mean, he will agree with me when I'M talking about it but he mostly just remains quiet and his thoughts seem to bo on something else. Does this mean what I think it means? Or is it maybe he's just shy...Sometimes I swear he thinks I'm only with him for his money, which is TOTALLY not fair because when I first met him he had NO money and I paid for a lot of things..maybe that was my mistake...
2007-01-20 19:00:05 · 8 answers · asked by Jlove24 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Communication between the sexes is difficult: I've been through a divorce myself, and I know how heart-breaking it can be when a relationship you still value breaks down because of this.
I'd suggest couples counselling. Communication is a skill like any other, and if my partner and I had had that skill from the beginning, we'd still be together now. These days I recommend to anybody who'll listen that couples get counselling at the beginning of their relationship rather than in a last-ditch attempt to save it, and specifically tell the counsellor that they want to work on improving their communication skills and understanding of one another.
Many university psychology departments offer counselling at very cheap rates - you'll be working with graduate students doing practical, but my (limited) experience is that they are generally quite good, not having settled into a rigid methodology or set of professional opinions yet.
If that's impossble, I'd suggest sitting him down, maybe in a coffee shop or over dinner or something, and asking exactly the question you asked here. Tell him that you don't know what he wants, but that you want to make him happy. The key to communication isn't talking, it's getting the other person talking, and really listening to what they have to say. Most people just wait for their turn to speak in conversation.
As for where his thoughts are, that's something you won't know for sure until he tells you. It might be something as simple as that he's not ready for the level of commitment you're talking about, and that he's scared of hurting you by saying that. On the other hand, if your communications are really poor, he might want an out or perhaps have found an out already.
Good luck, I hope you guys can get over this. If not though, don't blame him or yourself. Perfectly wonderful people fall out of love simply because they don't have the resources of time, skill, etc. to make it work.
EDIT:
ABOVE ALL, don't change the dynamics of your relationship until you've overcome this, or in an attempt to make it stronger. Moving in together or !Eek! getting married changes expectations and adds to the stresses the relationship is under. Make sure you both have the resources to weather that change.
2007-01-20 19:14:04 · answer #1 · answered by dead_elves 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After two years, he certainly shouldn't be shy with you. I think that he may not be interested in a long term future with you. You should talk to him about it seriously. Tell him that you would like a future with him, and ask him how he feels honestly. Maybe he is not ready to go there, but you should know. If your goal in a relationship is marriage, you need to be with someone who is like minded.
2007-01-20 19:04:45 · answer #2 · answered by kalea_kane 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he does love you and you are bringing all this up he is probably thinking about the money but not in that way. He is probably trying to figure out if he can pay for all this and more support for whatever comes up. Something that scares "real" men is not being able to support those they love.
2007-01-20 19:11:34 · answer #3 · answered by rezruf 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
None-committa, Immature type by the sound of it!
Plus you should Never give money out so freely,it encourages apathy and the ability to continue TAKING!!(Which is no real positive moved forward in any relationship!)
2007-01-20 19:04:18 · answer #4 · answered by J. Charles 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talking to him about those stuff might come off as presurring him. It's pretty obvious he hasn't thought about it. It really depends on the guy. Some might have thought about it and will raise those questions up voluntarily with their girlfriend, but then again, there are those who haven't thought about it and you asking him might freak him out a little.
2007-01-20 19:04:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you always initate the conversation about moving in together, or getting married? Personally, I believe that if he wanted the same things he would tell you, does he have problem stating if he wants sex, or other things. Be careful, don't get hurt.
2007-01-20 19:05:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
communication is the key. most couples struggle to communicate, its very common. i would suggest getting married then getting the apartment. just ask him what he is thinking. be totally honest. tell him how you feel and that you need him to be there for you when you need to talk.
2007-01-20 19:07:15 · answer #7 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then you must to talk to him straight and tell him that what is he's plan to your relationship then that time only you will knows.
2007-01-20 19:15:34 · answer #8 · answered by mariagracejoseph 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋