okay i am a virgin and my girlfriend (possibly future wife) has had 8 or 9 sex partners. We are both 22.?

Question

a few things i have prblms w/ is that 6 or 7 of those were in a 2 yr period most of them she barely knew and didnt use a condom. She wasnt in a relationship with any of them (the 6 or 7). She is clean, however i thnk its pretty messed up (and kind of whoresh) to let just any guy come (not ***) inside of you with out a condom. "SHE" says it takes away the feeling. What is that, i have never in my life herd a female say that, maybe a ton of guys but never a female. Is this true? Something else to know, she initially told me 5, but later told me 8 possilbly 9 (because she wanted to do him, but he didn't want her) Now honestly i was about ready to break up with her for lying but wasn't sure what to do, my out look on her has changed dramatically she seems "unclean/like a whore" 8 guys is a lot,(or is it?) she does seem to be very sincere about her feelings for me. I ofcourse always wanted a virgin, but as i got older it seemed a bit unrealistic. how much should the past mater? Any advice?

Answer 1

You seem like a really great guy.
In this situation .... the past seems to be speaking of the present as well .... this girl isn't good enough for you honey. She lies, she makes excuses .....
Go find someone who is worthy of your attention!

Answer 2

Yes, it doesn't feel the same. But, that shouldn't matter. That is a physical aspect of sex. Sex is more complicate than that!

Yes, having many sexual partners in one year is irresponsible. But I would not call her a whore. That's a terrible word to describe it. I personally had a year or two where I had, well, probably too many partners. But, I had many other problems, too, and I believe I was looking for something. Just in the wrong place. I later found that I could not find what I was looking for in those men. I don't know if any of this makes sense to you, but I hope it does. Because, I don't do that today. I was young then, and I'm 25 now, haven't had sex with anyone in about a year, and I'm afraid to. I want to find someone honest and caring and god fearing before I do that with anyone ever again. Simply because, sex is a gift from god, and I know how much of yourself is given away when you do that, and I'm just not ready to give that much away again.

It's not a horrible, dirty thing. It is just abused sometimes, that is all. And then people get called terrible things ( men get called dogs and women get called whores, blah blah blah.)

It is wonderful that she feels she can be honest with you. Maybe the reason she didn't tell you the whole truth at first was because she was afraid you might judge her. Don't judge her. You don't know why she did what she did. She might not even know right now, you are both so young.
Maybe she was looking for something, too. Maybe she found it with you, and that's why she's so open with you.
I am not saying "go have sex, yeah, do it!", but I am saying this: keep an open mind, especially if you really care for her. She just has experiences you don't, and there is nothing wrong with that. Everyone has different experiences in life.
The beautiful part is that we get to share them.

Have you told her how you feel about it??

On the other hand, if it is something you feel very strongly against, you may want to reconsider your marriage. It may not be a very good marriage, since you've already begun to think of her as a "whore", and it is not based on what you believed in (marrying a virgin). Staying true to yourself should be number one on your list! Don't do anything you don't feel is right.

Don't be in such a hurry to marry that you are so worried about things like this. Perhaps you don't know eachother as well as you thought. Give yourselves time to get to know one another! You are both so young, like I said, you have your whole lives ahead of you.
Good luck with your friend, and God bless.

Answer 3

Well dear, it seems like you and your girlfriend need to talk. However, I must say that I agree with you. Not only have her past lifestyles cast her in a unfavorable light, they opened up something no one wants to know in a relationship. It's never easy knowing that someone you love has been with someone else. But knowing exact amount is worse. Your girlfriend was tactless, and you were a fool for asking.

I cannot say much for the comment of lost feeling (virgin too). But such actions are irresponsible. Though she was younger, she risked herself to a plethora of disease. This can be chalked up to foolishness also.

But, now for some advice. First and foremost, stop calling your girlfriend a whore. Yes, she has been with eight or nine different men. But name calling is not going to change that. You asked for her sexual history, thus you cannot complain about what you were told.

Secondly, the past will always matter. Without the past, we cannot have a future. The real question is, would you be willing to give up this relationship just because of this. Your girlfriend isn't a virgin. Did that change the way you felt about her before you found out about her past? And on a lighter note, should you choose to stay or eventually sleep with her, the sex should be easier. After all, it's better to have one person with a general idea than two groping in the dark.

But that's all the advice I have for you dear. I hope this makes things easier for you.

Answer 4

Wow brotha' you have a lot of issues. You must not have a lot of friends who are girls or something, but yes condoms are like a shield. Sex feels TONS better without a condom. As far as the "she had sex with like 8 or 9 guy's" part, NO that does not make her a whore, she just likes sex and the way it makes her feel. You should want to please your girlfriend instead of putting her down and being on the brink of breaking up with her.

Now I was not a virgin nor was my girlfriend soon to be fiance when we got together so maybe that makes me stronger than you emotionally or just more understanding about this matter. But calling your girlfriend a whore or mentally thinking she is a whore is not a good thing.

It's pretty much becoming a thing of the past now-a-days to find a virgin, so instead of thinking about marriage, you need to have a serious conversation with her about your feelings.

I wish you the best of luck mate!

Cheers!

Answer 5

I'm 33 and I've had sex with a total of 7 or 8 women. So yes, 8-9 by the time she's 22 does sound like a lot.

But here's the issue. If she is clean - she's been tested and then retested 6 months later - you simply have to accept her as she is. The number of men she has slept with in the past is in the past and she's with you now. If you have an issue with how many guys she's been with then you need to break-up and find someone else. It's that simple. If you love her now, remember that part of who she is right now is a function of the different experiences she's had in her life - including her sexual experiences.

Answer 6

You seem like a sweety, I am 21 and a virgin too and i know that if i dated a guy who had been with 8 different women i would definatly not touch them. When its the first time you want it to be comfortable and special, with the right girl who loves you. She seems like she is into sex and not sure if she could be right for you. I would wait till someone comes along who will share the same experience together. Or even if the other girl has done it at least its with someone she was been with for a long time.

Keep up the good work i wish i could find a guy who is a virgin too. Its more appealing if you wait. Find the right girl she will respect you. :0)

Answer 7

Well, you would probably stand a better chance of finding a girlfriend who is a virgin if you mixed with girls from a religious background, since they are often discouraged from having pre-marital sex. However, you cannot assume, in this day and age, that even a religious girl is going to be a virgin. Really, I think the only way is to bring it up in conversation if you think things are likely to get serious with the girl concerned. if you say something like "I think it is really important that both people be virgins when they marry" then you should be able to judge from her reaction whether she agrees with you or not. Some girls may agree with you, others not, but the only way really to find out is to discuss it, preferably before you get too seriously involved. It isn't going to be very nice for a girl who is not a virgin to be rejected by you when you find out she isn't one for instance, so it is best to get these things clear before you start getting serious. Supposing, incidentally, you met a girl you were really, really keen on, would you really reject her just because she isn't a virgin? Why?

Answer 8

good age and lots of dreams,I'm glad you realize it was unrealistic to find a virgin ,but not impossible ,there's a lot of good girls out there with strong believes and morals .
I noticed every time she decides to confess the # keeps getting bigger ,but let's face it she did confess ,she's right about the condom story ,i always hated ,and it's not the same feeling .my concern is 2 yr period how many she slept,i heard never buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.
follow your heart ,and will you ever trust her ,without watch every move .
im not going to tell my age ,lets just say i was born on the 60's so om a little wiser ,and i have a son 24yrs old .
I wish much luck ,to both of you .

Answer 9

1st thing i hate when ppl say it is unrealistic to find older female virgins me and most of my friends are virgins( a combination of having standard and afraid of getting knocked up)
second if she lied about havin' just 5 she is probably lyin' about 9 too. i don't care what any1 says 9 partners is a lot for a 22 y.o
on 1 hand
if she loves u and u genuinely luv her u would put her past behind her and look at ur future 2gether

but on the other hand

if u want an idea on how she is going act in the future look at her past.
does she seem ashamed about her past if she's not and she wonderin' why are u makin' a big deal BOUNCE! if she is then give her another chance we all make mistake

Answer 10

It is not unrealistic to expect your future wife to be a virgin and you should stay true to what you are really looking for in a partner.
It doesn't matter how many partners she has had she LIED about it.
Save your virginity for a woman who deserves it/you.The past matters because it determines our behaviour. Im not saying that people cannot change but wouldnt you rather enter married life with a woman who has the same moral attitude as you? Good Luck

Answer 11

i can see why she lied. while i wouldnt, that is alot of partners. and she was probably embarassed to tell you, since you are a virgin. she probably liked you alot, and didnt want you to think badly of her. then once she was comfortable, decided to tell you the truth. as long as she doesnt lie about other things, i guess this is up to you, whether you let that slide or not. but consider what i said. im sure thats the truth.
as far as letting all those guys come in her? bad idea. and i would suggest her getting checked for STD's before the two of you ever have sex. she may think she is clean, or say she is, but, alot can be going on without signs of anything even being there.
think long and hard about it. if you still trust, and love her, why fix something that isnt broken??
BUT-do insist she be checked before you have sex with her. and if it still bothers, tell her it bothers you that she lied. and ask why she did that. and be sure she is ready to commit to sex with only one person, if you two decide to marry.
good luck!!