Is 5 too young to attend a funeral?

Question

This question could of been asked before, but every child is different, so I will tell you a little about my little one to help in giving me advice.
My girl is very sensitive, she knows about what it means when someone dies. She knows that they go and see God, and that it is a wonderful place. The only "death" she has delt with it a loss of her Grandma's dog, she loved him very much. It has been two years since that has happened, and she still talks about how she misses him. When the dog passed, and still to this day she said "I should of been there" she is meaning when they barried him. Days at school they tell me she cried a little, when i asked why, it was because she missed "Frisbie"(dog). I have told her about my Grandpa passing, and she said he was with God and "Frisbie". She hasn't seemed to upset with this one. I don't want her to say later that she should of been there. What should I do? I think she is too young, but she is very smart for her age. Any suggestions? Please

When I say she is very smart, she knows when people are upset, and tries to make them feel better. She is at a grade 1 level in school. When I told her, I just told her "You know how Grandpa has been sick for awhile and just tired? Well he left us and went to stay with God" Was that ok? This is MY grandpa, but she has always been around him, and has seen how bad off he was. I just need someone to tell me what they think of this. I do need some answers before 1-22-07 since this is the date of it. Also, let me say sorry if I have typed anything wrong, not thinking clear, and a little of I don't care as long as you can understand it. Thanks again for all who take the time.

Answer 1

Sorry for your loss. I have heard that you should not let someone this young attend a funeral. However, I went to my great grandfather's funeral when I was this age, and I don't think it hurt me psychologically. (that I know of, that is) That she is very intelligent, may make a more significant impact on her. She may really take it to heart, if she is sensitive. Hopefully, you will get a sign on what to do before the funeral.

Answer 2

Every child is different, but if she already has the basics of death down she may be better off going. If she was not close to your Grandpa then it may just bring her comfort to know that Frisbee is no longer alone.
I would try to keep her somewhat sheltered in the family room if there is family that is really distraught. If everyone was expecting this to come, and doing okay it would be a postive experience for her in learning how to deal with these sorts of things. (As positive as a funeral can be).
Good luck and as a mother I am sure that you will make the right desicsion for your daughter as you are the only one who can. Those that feel differently and think that children should not attend have been raised in a different way (not that this is wrong). But what is the "right" age to learn about death? I don't think we have a choice in this matter. People we are close to die all the time and it is a fact of life that I feel children need to realize as soon as they are old enough to understand. If they haven't had to deal with it and someone VERY close passes on then we are in a much bigger delema with them.
I would not allow her to go near the casket though if it is open. No veiwing the body or seeing other people view it. The internment is questionable. I probably would not attend that part with her either. I think that could cause some issues. Otherwise, all you are doing is attending church and talking about Grandpa.
Good Luck and sorry for your loss

Answer 3

Five years old is not too young to attend a funeral. Sure, even some adults refuse to attend funerals. That's why they deprive others younger than they are to attend them.

I was three when I went to my stepgrandfather's funeral. I still remember it, nearly 54 years later. Sure, I didn't understand everything, but I learned things there.

Different folks are different personality types. If I can remember a funeral for the rest of my life from age 3, I'm sure your daughter could resent for the rest of her life your not allowing her to grieve at her greatgrandfather's funeral. It will be a growth experience for her. Answer any questions she has with patience, knowing she doesn't already know the answers. There will be no need to overexplain everything that is going on, she may not care about all aspects of the funeral.

Answer 4

We lost a really close family friend about a year ago. Her daughter is my stepdaughter's best friend. My stepdaughter was 8, my first son was 3, and the baby was about 6 months old. The 2 older kids knew Laura was sick (cancer). Her passing came as a big shock as she'd been doing well.
We took all 3 of the kids to the viewing as well as to the funeral service and burial. None of them acted up. They sat quietly and listened. I caught quite a bit of flack for taking the boys, but we (my husband and myself) really thought it was good for the kids to have closure. They aren't mentally scarred or anything like that. We gave my stepdaughter the option of looking at Laura, which she did choose to do. We told our son that Laura was sleeping with the angels. When he saw her he said she must be having a good dream because she was smiling.
It all comes down to personal preference. If you think she can handle the funeral, take her. If you think it will be too much, wait until after the service and let her pick out some special flowers for Grandma.

Answer 5

If your daughter knew him well and spent time with him, then it would be a good idea to give her a chance to say her good byes as well.
I took my 5yr old to my Grandma's funeral and she handled it well, gave her more of an understanding of why she could never come back.
We also have had many of our family members pass away and we have all taken our children to the Funerals from the age of around 5.
This is what has worked for our family, but l do agree every child is different.

Answer 6

Yes, she is too young. your instincts are correct, Mom... It can be enough to tell her that Grandpa has passed on, etc. She may be smart for her age, but you also stated she is very sensitive, and my guess is she is not psychologically prepared at age 5 to see her grandfathers' dead, still, silent body, see it in a coffin, see it put into the ground...it is hard enough for adults...death is a part of life but now is not the time for her to have to see it, experience it, in so much detail...I am sorry for your loss...take care...

Answer 7

i might want to allow him attend. I keep in ideas going to my uncles funeral even as i change into 5 and it did not scare me. absolutely, i did not truly understand what change into occurring. you are able to clarify on your son that his brother is in heaven (or in spite of you've faith) and he might want to say he's conscious, in spite of the undeniable fact that it likely received't sink in till a even as has surpassed and he realizes that he can not bodily see his brother anymore. it really is the way it change into with my 3 and 5 year previous sisters even as our brother gave up the ghost. demise is area of existence so i does no longer cover something like this from him. Attending the funeral shows that you loved the newborn and theory-about him area of your existence.

Answer 8

The child is very small.

If she ask on her own, u have to analyse if she has the courage to understand, and u should be able to make her understand each any every item invovled in the process,
and should never say God loved him(the dead) so he has taken him.
The interpretation should be very very very clear and the level of talk should be according to the childs level. It is important u do not miss anything while answering her.

Answer 9

Ask your daughter whether she thinks she ought to go to the funeral or not. Aks her how she would fellif she went vs. not going. Be sure to explain what the situation will be like (what kinds of mourners will be there, what Grandpa might look like, how long the service will be, etc.), her answers will help you determine whether she is ready to mourn in this way. Hope this helps. Sorry for your loss.

Answer 10

I've always took my son ( 3 1/2) to any funeral that I had to go to. My one sibling doesn't take his 5 yr old daughter to the funerals because he doesn't want to deal with her asking questions. I don't believe in hiding children from the subject of death and dealing with it later on.