How would I get over this?

Question

My mom just passed away in December. I talked to her that morning and I was supposed to talk to her 10 minutes later and I called the hospital 4 times and she never answered. I debated on just dropping my sister off at school and going up there but decided not to cuz she would get mad at me for missing my exams. So I didn't and I can't get over that. I mean if I had gone up there maybe I could have helped her or at least been there with her instead she died in a hospital with no family around her. I would also like to know how to stop being mad with my dad for telling my sister and I last. I mean my cousins who hated my mom knew that she passed away before I did and I just don't want to be mad anymore. Please help me?

I am still getting over the death of my grandmother last feb. and i'm wrried about my grandfather since he is in lebanon.

Answer 1

You have been given some really great answers here. I hope you take there advice and realize you are not to blame for not being with your Mom in her last moments. Nothing would have changed had you been there except you would have one more painful memory to carry around.
Like You I recently lost my Mother. I can tell you it is one of the hardest things you will ever have to deal with in your life. I like you looked for someone to blame, including myself, because I wasn't there with her.It will never stop hurting, but it will get easier for you to remeber her with joy instead of sorrow.
It sounds to me as if you are in your teen years, if that is true then I know that you are still at that stage where you depended on her for everything. Now is the time for you to do something for her. You need to first pull it together and realize you did nothing wrong, as for your father only he knows what was in his mind when he told you and your sister last. Go to him and ask him and let him know that bothered you. It is the only way you will get peace. Second your Mom is looking down on you from heaven at this very moment with as much love for you guys as she has ever had. She is depending on you to help hold her family together.And that is a big responsibility for anyone but she knows you can do it.

Last but not least, I see you have a computer, my advice to you would be to get a notebook, every day type a letter to your Mom and talk to her. If you are angry at her for leaving tell her so. Don't feel guilty because she will understand. I promise by the time you get to the fith letter, you will feel at peace and lose a lot of the anger.
My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family. God Bless You.

Answer 2

Ok first and foremost "STOP IT"you could not have stoped her from dying and it really would not have mattered anyways if you were there or not.Your mother truly loved you and this nobody can't take away.Stop beating yourself up for that.I been there and done that so I know exactly how you feel.Please know that it won't change a thing.Please stop being mad at your dad because he is he had his reasons and they probably weren't to hurt you.Forgive him and know this much"You were Loved"that is the most important of all.And as far as your cousin is concerned there is a word called KARMA it to will show it's face.Remember hate comes in all foms but you don't want it near you are in your life.It will be alright SOON..

Answer 3

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know, having lost my precious father in March, how very agonizing this is. I have things that drive me crazy, like how could I have missed what dad was telling me, that he sensed impending death, how could my denial be so strong? He asked me a few months before that if I was going to write his life story and laughed that I wasn't a good enough writer to write about a life with no drama. At any rate, agonizing over these things is a distraction from the pain of the loss. For all I know, it's a necessary distraction, because the pain is so horrifying that we can only take so much at a time.
Maybe to tell you and your sister was the hardest thing for your dad, and he thought telling others would help him work up to breaking your heart. What does it really matter? It changes nothing.
Although, your thinking gets so wierd after a death, I found myself really thinking that if we grieved just the right way, he'd be back after all this suffering.

I think my sister is really protecting herself from all the pain with anger at anyone who ever looked cross-eyed at dad. Maybe you and she can't bear the sorrow right now, and must stay with the anger.

My mother smacked me while I was doing CPR on my dad. Who knows why? She screamed at me not to say "DADDY COME BACK," which I just involuntarily did when I saw him lying on the floor. Who knows why she did these things? The love of her life was dying before her eyes. I really can't get mad at her because who knows what it's like to go through that?

Peace for you all is what I wish. Talk about her as much as you can, go over pictures and memories, and talk to her, and plant things for her. And cry. There's no other way. I'm so sorry.

Answer 4

I am sorry to hear about your loss.
However, you should not feel mad about going to those exams. Missing them would have stopped you from continuing school i presume. What I am trying to point out is that your mother would have wanted you to take those exams.
Hope the answare changes your opinion at least a bit.
May God rest her soul.

Answer 5

I don't think your mom would want you to beat yourself up because you did what you know she wanted you to do. You went to your exams. As for your dad, maybe he didn't know how to tell you and your sister. Imagine you were in his shoes, that must have been very hard for him. Or maybe he felt telling you and your sister would make it real. Stress and shock can make people do weird things. Also, even if you weren't with her, your mom knew you loved her. Maybe talking to your dad will help you heal. He can share memories of your mom with you.

Answer 6

Just relax! do want you like to do. I understand death too, my grandfather died from cancer in October. Dont get angry at your dad, maybe he didnt want to break it to you early, just decide to tell you later so your feelings wont hurt as much. It is ok to be emotional about your mom's death. first you might cry at the thought (like me) but later you get used to it and understand that God knew her time was right. Death is a hard subject; you just need time to get used to it.

Answer 7

You already know you shouldnt be mad. Now you just need to give yourself time.You'll never completely get over it, but your mother knew how much you cared about her, whether or not you were there. As for your father, sometimes it might have been much harder for him to tell you and your sister. He probably dreaded it. No one wants to tell a child that their parent has died.

Answer 8

from the sounds of it there was nothing you couldve done to help it was her time and things happen for a reason as for your dad not tellin you guys first that is just rude but maybe he wanted to tell the rest of the family first so he could be with you guys with out havin to deal with them so he could be with you but there is never anyway to tell unless you come out and say something to him about it there is no way to ever get over anything as bad as that but there is a way to let the sorrow leave all you have to do is think of all the good times you had with her not what you couldve done with her but wat you did

best of luck to you in the rest of your life and your familys

lo0ve lifelessgirl23 :)

Answer 9

I'm so sorry for your loss. Just know that your mom loved you very much. You can still talk to her and I'm sure she's watching over you. God Bless and Take Good Care.

Answer 10

don't feel bad, you are human, and don't be mad at your dad, he has a lot of stress right now and i am sure the last thing he needs or wants is his daughter mad at him, remember, he is only human too. Stay strong.