what do you think of this my friend wrote it?

Question

Story of black boy named Emmanuel and white girl named Rachel

A boy meets girl in school and they quickly fallin love.....
1 year of being togather the white girl mother finds out about her bieng with the black boy and this is the story begins

Rachels Mom:Rachel you can't see that boy ever again. each time i see you and him togather ill woop your ***.

Rachel:why can't i see him?

rachels Mom:becouse he's black a *****!!

Rachel runs to her room and cries her self to sleep that night.






next day while in school









Emmanuel:hey rachel what you doing after school.

Rachel:Nutttin.....i have something to tell you you.

Emmanuel:what do you have to tell me?

Rachel: my mom saw us togaher yesterday and she doent want me talking to you any more.

Emmanuel: why and how is she gonna know that were talking.

Rachel:Because your black and im white, she called the teachers and told them to tell her every time i talk to you.

Emmanuel; ok well i guess this is the last time i get to talk to you.




Emmanuel walks off angry of her moms descion and rachel goes in the bathroom and cry, for the rest of that day they didnt speak or talk.

That night while rachel at home





rachel mom; the schooled called and said they saw you talking to that boy.


Rachel; .... b-but i was telling him we couldnt talk anymore


Rachels mother doesnt care and beats her with a wooden paddle and let her cry herself to sleep on the hard,cold kitchen floor.

The next week rachel refused not to talk to him and shes been beaten worse and worse.Emmanuel doesnt know about her beatng
for two weeks.One Day he finds out.

Emmanuel;rachel i found out that you get beaing for talking to me is that true?

Rachel; yes i have but it doesnt matter i love you and i can fight through the beatings

Emmanuel;I love you too but i dont want you hurt becouse of me

Rachel; what are you gonna do?

Emmanuel; i gonna run away and never come back

Rachel; no, please I love you and want you here with me

Emmanuel lets go of her hand and begins to run. Rachel trys to chase after him but he's a track runner for the school and soon losses her.
The next 4 weeks she doesnt see or hear from him.One day she was walking with her mom and she saw him walking.
Rachel screams his name.He running but he has gotten slow and she has gotten faster.She chases after him.
her mom calls her but she keeps running.when she catches him they start talking.

Rachel;Why did you run?

emmanuel; I didnt want you to see me the way i am.

Rachel leans and kisses him.while there kiss a racsist group saw them and killed them on sight.
It was there first and last kiss.with there last breath they said.

Emanue; I STILL LOVE YOU

Rachel; I LOVE YOU TOO

THEY HELD HANDS AND DIED TOGATHER HAPPY

Answer 1

interesting, but it somehow sounds familiar. It needs more originality and a lot of work.

Answer 2

This is just too sad. But you have to understand that until you are 18 - you must do and say as your parents dictate - and if you do not move out of your parents house at 18 - you do and say as they say until you get out and support yourself. Having a job and living with parents is not supporting yourself. By defying her parents, Rachel was in fact responsible for the death of Emmanuel. Had Rachel really loved Emmanuel, she would have done as her parents wished, knowing that they could be together at 18. I hope this is not a true story as it is just too sad that because Rachel and Emmanuel were too young and immature to deal with this correctly, That is why your parents have absolute rights over you until you are 18, living in your own place and paying your own bills.

Answer 3

Well honey, the whole story to me makes me think why in the world would she be thinking of that in the first place? It's not politically correct, it's racist and I don't like things that make references to people's race. I think it's ridiculous. If it doesn't matter than why make a story about it? It was tragic, sad and it didn't make any sense. I got it but I didn't. She skipped from subject to subject. I am a writer and from my point of view this just isn't a great story. Tell your friend that with some practice it can be something. I don't know what to think about it. It's sad and tragic. I'm depressed now. Thanks.

Answer 4

I used to know a woman from another part of the world who said the word togather, instead of together.

No, we pretty much are all at peace with each other here in the U.S., and will probably not be setting ourselves on fire, as she said was common-place there, regarding couples forbidden to marry each other because of religious differences by their parents.

Answer 5

Pedantic. Hideous grammar. Acceptable if written by a 9 year old. Proof that paying attention in English class should be mandatory. If she is older than 9, she can look forward to a career at the recycling plant separating the green glass from the clear glass...

Answer 6

hi,
this is very dark and romantic like Romeo and Juliet. it's also sad that we still have to live like that in this world. what your friend wrote is very sad and very true. in this world today people can not follow there hearts and just allow themselves to fall in love. they have to watch what they do, who they talk to, check there skin color, be careful that they are not seen talking to someone that there parents or there friends don't approve of. but like i said before, that's the life we all have to live with. we need to teach our children that the color of the skin is nothing but the way a person thinks,feels ,cares ,love is what is important and those of us who have not gotten there yet will be left behind. because that's where we are all headed anyway. the single races are almost none existent there are black /whites, white/blacks, Indian/blacks, white/Indians etc... i think you get where i am going.

Answer 7

It's a very disturbing Romeo and Juliet kind of story. If it was written in the 50's you might be able to see some semblance of reality in it. But today? There are millions upon millions of interracial couples everywhere in full view. Besides all that... that girls' mother, if she existed, should be in jail.

Answer 8

I think I heard that story before somewhere else. The ending is so sad.

Answer 9

amazing. gave me the shivers, for me a good story is something that you can take as ur own and make personal and helps the reader relate and it certainly did that

Answer 10

your friend has an odd....way of writing things, i really don't believe it s your friend, but it is ok, pretty racist , but ok, maybe don't end with death, and maybe work on constucting sentences better, other than that, nice job, i like it, keep going, if u add more to it, it could be fantastic.