If you do then tell me please lol I need a good laugh! Plus, the joke that makes me laugh the most will get the best answer=10 points! Woot! I can't wait because I know there are some pretty funny people on here in this section.
2007-01-20 12:11:21 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his
mouth.
A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet. "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet"
He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his p**is in one hand and his testicles in he other hand and takes a close look, and says, "Sir, there's nothing wrong with them."
Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies,
"That was very nice young lady, but are... my... test...
results...back?
2007-01-20 12:21:51 · answer #1 · answered by Mark B 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋
A guy is on a walking holiday and is miles away from the nearest town when he comes across a farmhouse. As it's 10.00 pm and getting dark he knocks on the door which is answered by a quaint old country gent. "Can I help ya?" Asks the farmer squinting at the stranger. "I hope so sir." Answers the guy. "I'm on a walking holiday and miles from anywhere and I was wondering if I could possibly stay the night." "Certainly, young fella." Came the answer, "Don't get many visitors round her. The company will be nice.Come on in." The guy enters and within a few minutes is sat in front of a warm fire with a large glass of moonshine in his hand. The farmer also has one and a small hickory pipe clamped between his teeth which he puffs on as they sit. They begin talking and after a few glasses the hiker says. "Thank you for your hospitality sir, but I'm feeling a little tired and would like to go to bed." "Ah yes,." Says the farmer hesitantly, "Trouble is, we've only got two bedrooms. I'm in one, and my daughter's in the other. Do you mind bunking up with her?" "Not at all, sir, if that's alright." Answers the guy pleasantly surprised. "Sure it is. Now you go up. First door at the top of the stairs. I'll shout you tomorrow with your breakfast." Next morning at six o'clock sharp the farmer shouts upstairs. "Come on young fella. Breakfast's ready." Down came the hiker, yawning a little and sat down to an enormous plate of eggs, bacon, sausages, mushrooms, hash browns and beans. As he ate he looked at the farmer and said. "You know sir, I must congratulate you on your hospitality, but I've a little confession to make. Thing is that when I slipped into bed with your daughter I couldn't help, well you know, cuddling up and getting better acquaited, just so as we could both keep warm, and as you might expect one thing led to another, but, I'll tell you what. She isn't half cold." "I'm not surprised." Said the farmer laconically, "We bury her this afternoon!"
2016-05-24 02:20:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jim is reading the newspaper at breakfast one day, when he turns the page a huge ad covering the entire page is there. The ad is for a missing dog it reads,"Missing Dog $5000 reward, if found return to 45433 Green Street, Timbuktu." And on the ad there's a picture of a big shaggy dog. Jim doesn't think much of it. A few days later, while Jim is getting the newspaper on his driveway, Jim sees a big shaggy dog walking around on the other side of the street. Then he remembers the ad, and puts a coller on the dog. Jim looks all over the house for the newspaper so he could write down the address. Then he gets a passport for him and the big shaggy dog. When his plane gets to Timbuktu, Jim runs all around the city looking for 45433 Green Street. Once he finds the right house, Jim and the big shaggy dog go up to the front door and knock. An older man answers the door. "I suppose you're here for the $5000 reward." says the guy at the door. "Yes sir, I am!" answers Jim. "Well you made a mistake, my dog was shaggy. But not that shaggy!" :)
Funny, huh?
2007-01-20 13:10:21 · answer #3 · answered by Chimpanzees? Monkey. 7 · 1⤊ 6⤋
Shopping spree
Christmas was approaching, and the kindly judge was not averse to showing leniency when he could.
Mr. Williams, can you explain to the court if there were extenuating circumstances that led to you being caught carrying items you didn’t pay for from the store?
Yes, your honor, I wasn’t really stealing, I was just doing my Christmas shopping early.”
What do you mean early? The judge enquired. Christmas is just five days away.
Well, I was doing my shopping at 4:30am. The store opens 8:00am.
if u want more u can contact me and i will send them to you......
that's if u wish
2007-01-20 12:44:19 · answer #4 · answered by annie 5 · 0⤊ 4⤋
What's the hardest thing about eating vegetables? Getting them back up in the wheelchair.
How do you keep a dog from humping your leg? Pick him up and suck his d!ck.
2007-01-20 21:22:36 · answer #5 · answered by Sam I Am 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
What does it taste like to eat-out an old lady?
2007-01-20 12:16:21 · answer #6 · answered by silverback487 4 · 2⤊ 3⤋
what do you do if an elephant comes through the window??
swim hehe ;)
2007-01-20 23:44:04 · answer #7 · answered by the nice girl 23 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Why did the girl fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms
2007-01-20 12:49:24 · answer #8 · answered by boom chicki boom 3 · 4⤊ 4⤋
how many coacorachs does it take to screw a light bulb
cant tell as soon as it turns in they all scatter
2007-01-20 12:16:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 3⤋
Depends Like :What is a wrestlers fav drink the answer is Fruit PUNCH
2007-01-20 12:15:04 · answer #10 · answered by nancyalice97 2 · 1⤊ 6⤋