This is really complicated but I will try to explain it as best as I can. I have been engaged to my fiance for 3 months now and we plan on getting married in May of 2008. Today my fiance's mother called (she will soon be my mother in law), and she was very nice at first but I couldn't believe what she said to me. She asked me how long I expect the marriage to last.
Is that a common question these days? I thought it was very rude and insulting ... isn't she basically saying that she thinks the marriage will be a failure? I told her as nicely as I could, that I love her son very much and that I expect to be married to him for the rest of my life. She has always been bitter towards me, but I think she really pushed it today. Do you think I have right to be mad about this, or am I over reacting?
2007-01-20 10:59:42 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You do have a right to feel insulted. Your assumption is correct - she doesn't expect (or want) this relationship to last. If you KNOW that your relationship with your fiancee is a healthy one (no red flags or issues that need to be resolved), then maybe you need to have a heart to heart talk with his mom. Tell her that she is not going to keep you from marrying her son, but that you do want to know why she feels so negatively towards you. Yes, you are grown and don't have to answer to anyone. But, having a mother in law who HATES you is going to be miserable. So, if you can correct that, it is strongly advised.
2007-01-20 11:05:15 · answer #1 · answered by TwinkaTee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES!
She could have asked another way. How you feel about divorce and marriage. She wants the best for her son, and maybe one day grandchildren. More then half of marriages end. Why not ask to see where the wife or husband stands on divorce.
I think it is a positive thing she was open and honest with you. Maybe she feels comfortable enough with you to be honest, open, and blunt.
Move on...DIVORCE is a part of life. I wish you all the best but it is so common. I would want to know.
There are also many reasons why she may have asked. We don't know the entire story.
1) how long have you two been together
2) have either one of you been married or engaged
3) any kids by anyone else
there are tons of reasons she may have asked.
Good luck...
move on and enjoy each other.
2007-01-20 13:22:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
And what are you going to ask your son's fiance?
She's testing you. It may be rude and uncalled for, but that's what it is...
Give her some slack, it may be years before you reach an understanding with her and begin to develop a good relationship. You are taking her son from her. You are going to be the most important woman in his life now. That used to be her job. Bite your tongue. She'll come around as she sees your marraige become solid and she finally realizes that there is nothing she can do to get rid of you and she has to accept and maybe even start to like you... She's probably going through the change, too. Just relax and keep moving forward.
2007-01-20 12:40:34 · answer #3 · answered by j_mang 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh, now that is rude, there is no reason she should ask you how long you expect the marriage to last, mother in laws that ask that are not ones that are ones that are attached to their children a little too much. I agree with everyone so far, be mad and you should say something to your fiance.
2007-01-20 11:11:13 · answer #4 · answered by WI Wedding Lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That certainly was rude-very much so.
Should you get mad? No. This is a happy time for you. This woman is trying to get to you. Don't give her the satisfaction. I like how you handled the situation-with class.
She is the one who is wrong, and we all know that two wrongs do not make a right. Two wrongs only make everyone miserable.
Smile and pretend it didn't bother you. Eventually you will realize what she thinks & says are only thoughts and words :-)
2007-01-20 14:11:26 · answer #5 · answered by Happy Wife 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take the high ground. Remember, if you really are going to be married to her son for the rest of your life -- she will be a part of it!!! You are planning on a long engagement - which is a good thing. it will give you PLENTY of time to see how your fiance supports you. If he can't stand up to his mother now, it is unlikely to change after you are married.
2007-01-20 11:07:13 · answer #6 · answered by Cindy B 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to be mad. After all, you don't call a pregnant woman and ask her if she really things she's going to be a good mother..... I would keep that woman on a need to know basis with things in your life. The less she knows the better.
Have you told your fiance? He would have the best insight to why she would ask such a thing.
2007-01-20 12:05:59 · answer #7 · answered by tonythelizard 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Mad might be the wrong word, offended would be appropriate.
The first thing that came to mind was to answer her " until the day after you die", but that is kind of mean and you don't strike me as so much mean as concerned. Certainly you could politely confront her and ask her up front what her concerns are. If she doesn't tell you to your face, shame on her. You might strike a positive note with her though, and maybe break the ice between you.
2007-01-20 11:09:18 · answer #8 · answered by bumppo 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Getting mad won't do anything but make you bitter and possibly create hard feelings in the family. I know my mom had problems with her mother-in-law. In fact, her mother-in-law said that my parents marriage would fail. But it didn't. My parents are still happily married. My mom's Mother-in-law now loves my mom. Theres a chance that your future mother-in-law will come around. Sorry that she isn't being nice.
2007-01-20 11:05:31 · answer #9 · answered by dddddoor 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Personally I'd be pretty ticked off too. I think that by saying what she did, she basically said that she didn't want you with her son. Tell your fiance,express your feelings about the situation and see what he thinks. If he just blows it off then maybe you should have a serious talk with him about how you think your relation with his mother has been going. Who knows maybe he'll pass along the message and she'll shut up.
2007-01-20 11:36:36 · answer #10 · answered by Sarah P 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋