I have lived a very blessed life. Really, the only big losses I've had to deal with is the death of several grandparents. There are day to day dramas ~ things that at the time seem huge. But they all pale *greatly* compared to this.
She had her first appt. last week (we had all just thought maybe she had growing pains), and is now in a hospital 4 hours away, on chemo. Initially, it was believed to be just in her knee. Today, they discovered several other places.
My friend is very strong emotionally, but this is tearing her apart! And I totally understand that. But I don't have a clue what I can possibly say or do. Aside from saying "I'm here if you need me for ANYTHING, or if you just want to talk." This is her only child.
Has anyone else gone through similar situations and can give me ideas?
2007-01-20 10:53:46 · 18 answers · asked by shellbugger 5 in Health ➔ Diseases & Conditions ➔ Cancer
First of all, you are a very good friend already. You really won't need to say too much to her. She already knows how rotten you feel, and how sorry you are . . she feels that way already.
I know exactly what she is going through and how she feels. My son was diagnosed with a stage IV abdominal sarcoma . . tumors throughout the body . . just 22 months ago. The first month or two is not pleasant. It is the most horrifying reality a parent is ever placed in. There is absolutely nothing that will make her feel better.
But, that doesn't mean you cannot help her. One of the most difficult things we encountered was well meaning neighbors, family, and friends . . we knew how much they cared and we appreciated it . . but it was so hard to tell and retell the story over and over again to so many people. Terribly, terribly painful emotionally to relive those horrid days and nights. We eventually set up a Caringbridge website and kept a journal. You should recommend this to her and maybe offer to keep it updated for the family. It's very basic, you can write about how her daughter is doing, or what events might be planned to support the family. It has been a real way to stay in communication with the whole community:
http://www2.caringbridge.org
Other things that you might do to help out include cooking meals, cleaning her house,
and just visiting for short periods of time. If she wants to talk about it, be patient and listen with your heart.
(one of my best friends still sends cute cards and makes our family a chocolate cheese cake almost every month or so . . we love it and her for being so thoughtful)
2007-01-20 11:57:45 · answer #1 · answered by Panda 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Youve already done one of the most important things for her, you told her you would be there for her, but if you can go with her to the hospital for moral support, offer a ride. Ask her husband if there is anything you could do for her that might help the stress, like helping with the cleaning or sending then a meal when they've spent the day travelling. Maybe just be honest and ask if there is anything you can do to help her right now. Sometimes you have to act so together when you go through this you just keep running or denying. And ask her how her daughter is doing and let her talk about her daughter if she feels like it. She's going through the worst time of her life so honesty is the best way to deal with it. If you feel your not doing enough to help her, tell her, it just may be she's waiting for someone do say those words.
2007-01-20 11:53:41 · answer #2 · answered by Pearl N 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't worry too much about what to say but I would be there to listen if I didn't feel I was being too intrusive withe her family. When you call just be brief in your inquiries unless your friend wants to talk. Then you need to be there to listen. It may take a while because it's hard to sort things out and even to know what you are feeling except scared. Also it matters how close you really are to your friend. If you have been best friends for a long time and know each other well the situation might be more easily confronted personally.
A good friend is an angel. God bless.
2007-01-20 11:10:59 · answer #3 · answered by DW 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a parent of a child that has survived cancer here are my thoughts.
Be there. Let your friend know that if she needs ANYTHING all she has to do is ask.
Volunteer to do things for her (house cleaning, grocery shopping, etc...)
Advise her to create a website. I recommend www.caringbridge.com or www.carepages.com. Then she can update everyone on her childs status at once.
Don't pretend to understand.
Take her meals.
Offer to go to the doctor with her and her daughter. These visits can be all day adventures and it is nice to have a friend.
Have her talk to the hospital social worker. They will have ideas for both emotional and financial help.
Have her go to www.acor.org. This website has lots of info and links to many cancer support groups! I am a member of the Wilms Tumor listserv and have learned a great deal. Our listserv put together a list of things parents of the newly diagnosed that I would be more than happy to send you.
Wish them both luck!
2007-01-21 14:56:51 · answer #4 · answered by tessasmomy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's probably very shocked and depressed for the time being...but soon she'll be in fight mode and wanting to do everything she can to fight for her daughter's life. Be a good listener for now, and do as much research as you can on her daughter's type of cancer. Find stories of people who have beat it and how they did it. Show them to her and help her see that it's not the end. Read up on ways her daughter can stay strong and think positively.
If the hospital is 4 hours away, your friend is probably going to need help taking care of her house and maybe financial help. Offer to do these things if she needs and help find ways to raise money if it becomes needed. You're a great friend for just asking the question.
2007-01-20 11:05:13 · answer #5 · answered by gmug9 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Pray for her and call a church to form a prayer group.Be there for your friend emotinally and help her with anything she may need errands, house work etc.. If her daughter is at home try to be positive around them and maybe she can go with her daughter to have a special day like spa, manicure, pedicure etc..If she is well enough this may boost her spirits. Just be a great friend and shoulder to cry on.
2007-01-21 08:20:55 · answer #6 · answered by mom of twins 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Inform her about the possibilities of vitamin b-17 treatments. It's a cure that has been denied public attention because drug companies are huge billion dollar businesses that have their hands in the censorship of mass media. Cancer is basically a defficiency of nitrilosides. Scurvy was once thought to be a disease, and later found to be a difficiency of vitamin C. These treatments obviously work much better in the early stages of cancer. Just remember that money controlls all aspects of life, and big business does not have humanities best interests in mind. Don't let personal feelings cloud your judgment, open your mind and do some solid research. To some people the world is still flat.
2007-01-20 18:05:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Follow up on your offer of being there for her by calling her, stopping by, taking her a little gift or flowers. Your presence will comfort her. I went through the death of my son and had no support people or group. For you to do this for her will be a tremendous help to all of you. If she wants to talk, listening is a blessing for her.
2007-01-20 11:02:40 · answer #8 · answered by beez 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When my cousin was diagnosed with cancer the best thing for my aunt was to be there for her and my cousin. Visiting, spending time with them, and calling helped. They were never alone--the whole family (including friends, acquaintances, etc.) came out and made sure she wasn't alienated. We celebrated her life to the very end. It was extremely sad and horrible, but being together through it all helped. I hope your friend's daughter is okay.
2007-01-20 11:05:52 · answer #9 · answered by KatEyez4 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You said it. "I am here if you need me for ANYTHING". Just support her and tell her that technology is getting better everyday and cancer really can be cured. Her daughter has to believe the chemo will kill all the cancer cells and make her well again.
2007-01-20 14:55:13 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋