My boyfriend proposed to me on christmas,I was so excited and had dreams of what my wedding would be like.He wants to have the wedding and the reception at his house,there are cows in the pasture around his house.He wants to have a pig roast and everyone bring a covered dish.He also wants a rock band,i love rock but there is a time and place and i cant imagine them humming the wedding march,I was hoping for a dj who has done weddings before who knows when its time to announce and do things and play slow romantic songs to dance to,he lives on a hill there is nowhere for people to dance,park and is not handicapped accessible so the handicapped friends i have would not be able to attend.I want to invite friends and family only that we are close to,he wants to invite everyone,I dont want to feel like I only invited these people for a gift that is why i only wanted to invite people im close to.I am so frustrated and not even looking forward to this anymore.Help me please!
2007-01-20 10:46:01 · 18 answers · asked by Crystal Mamaz 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Marriage is about compromise....so I'm thinking the wedding should be too! You need to sit down calmly with your fiance to discuss what you want or don't want. And make sure it doesn't become a competition, there are reasons for things you want and reasons for things he wants...if you discuss them maybe you'll be able to find some common ground. Also remember that a lot of decisisions in weddings have to do with money, you can't invite everyone you know if you can't afford them! When thinking numbers you can always decide on a number limit and have him help you cut down the number of people he wants so that they fit in that number. You can make sure that the people invited are really important to your fiance. Remember, you are planning one day, it's the rest of your lives that really matter. If you can't figure out how to compromise and talk things out now, how do you plan to for other decisions in your future?
2007-01-20 10:54:57 · answer #1 · answered by MissyM 1 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Wow. This sounds like a huge issue. First, I would have a talk and explain that this wedding is for BOTH of you. After that, explain that you want to compromise. You both have totally different ideas of what you want your wedding to be like, so explain that you are willing to work to create a wedding that is both of your dreams. Each of you should make a list of the things that are important to you in the wedding and prioritize them. So maybe his priorities are rock band, food, and location. Yours may be decor, music, and number of attendees. Work from this point. Since, for example, you know music is important to him, go for a band or dj that plays some rock, but also the stuff you want. Have them start out with the slow love songs, and work up to the rock at the end of the night when people are parting. If he wants a huge guest list, ask him why that is important to him. Maybe these people are really important to him, but maybe he just thinks he is 'supposed' to invite them. Once you start talking about it, maybe he can compromise and limit the guest list to a certain number. Also, one bargaining chip is who is paying. If your family is paying, blame some of your decisions on them. I know this is lying (and not a good example) but tell him your family wants classy music or a certain level of elegance at the wedding they pay for. He might bend once he knows he will foot the bill if he doesn't. If you two are paying, then I would just stick with the "it's my wedding too" argument, but emphasize that you want to compromise. Decide what you are willing to move on, and what is most important. Maybe let him pick the dishes you register for or pick what chairs you'll use. Let him have some control, but don’t let him get away with planning everything like it seems like he is!
2007-01-20 13:31:57 · answer #2 · answered by Krystle B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I love pig roast wedding receptions!
I professional dj receptions, and i have for 10 years.....and i have done NFL and NBA player weddings.
Its all about what the two of you want.......if you get a band...thats cool- they can play the wedding music you want on a CD.......as long as you have someone on the microphone that knows what they are doing.
do not think you will save money by renting a tent and having the recepetion at his house!
if you want to get married atr his house.....thats ok, but not to save money, what if it rains ETC
but i have done some very nice home receptions- and they have been great parties!!!!
but make sure you have some elements in place and use professional vendors
you will thank me later =)
2007-01-21 19:52:25 · answer #3 · answered by Dontchawishurboyfriendcouldmix 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally think programs are a waste of money time and really there isn't much point in them. I had a friend who hand-made, folder cut, etc.. 150 programs they were beautiful, she still has 115 (after the wedding). They were left on the tables or will get tossed when your guest get home. I have been to several wedding that did not have programs and it was fine. If you have a good DJ he will keep things going on time for you. Make a time list for your bridal party, DJ, Parents, and any one helping you keep track of time. I say don't waste your money, spend it on your guest or something else you wanted! Best wishes and good luck!
2016-05-24 02:07:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a beautiful spot to have a wedding BUT this is a wedding for BOTH of you. Look for compromises.... if he is insistent that you have it there, you choose the band, and you can get portable dance floors. A lot of guys like pig roasts, so that could be a big hit, but you might want to consider getting it catered still if possible.
Now my husband has disabled family, so we did choose a location that they could attend easily. Heck, we have even chosen a house that was easy for them to visit! It is important to have the people you both love around, and if his home doesn't work for that, then I think you need to ditch that idea.
2007-01-20 13:22:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you need to step back and look @ the big picture. Tell him he needs to look @ it to whether he likes it or not! Marriage is about compromise and this is your first challenge. If the 2 of you cannot work together and settle on something you both can live with, this would be your "red flag" indicator as to what marriage will be like. Cut the ties if you 2 refuse to compromise.
2007-01-20 13:34:02 · answer #6 · answered by Debbie S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
See how much he is willing to negotiate and have both of your ideas work... for example have it at his home, but have it catered by a local restaurant of your choice. Bring in a DJ, but have some songs on your playlist be rock music. Plan your budget to see how many people you can really afford to have etc..
You are actually very lucky to have a fiance share his input and be involved in the planning... its rare!
If you continue to butt heads and cant agree on ANYTHING, then maybe you should just elope, save the money and enjoy your day with just the two of you!
Good luck!
2007-01-20 10:56:53 · answer #7 · answered by Krystina P 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You and your fiance are in need of a compromise and quick! Have you told him how you feel? That would be the first thing to do, but don't do it in a whiny way. Tell him that his choices are nice, and you'd love to meet him halfway, but it's not the way you envisioned the wedding. It's your day too.
2007-01-20 14:16:37 · answer #8 · answered by Happy Wife 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you can't learn to compromise on this, how do you plan to compromise on all the rest of the problems you'll have to solve over the course of your married life?
Talk to each other and figure it out.
It would be rude to make guests bring food. That's the host's job to feed everyone.
2007-01-20 11:49:27 · answer #9 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Krystina P completely. That is exactly what I was going to say.
Shame on everyone who thinks your marriage is doomed just b/c you have different expectations of a wedding.
Congratulations on the engagement, Good luck as you plan & compromise, & Best wishes in your marriage!
2007-01-20 12:35:51 · answer #10 · answered by Ellie 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋