16 year old?

Question

hi-
my 16 year old is not doing too well. she just recently swichted schools from a catholic small school to public school because she said it was too small and it was all girl. i understand that. but now she is not doing her homeork and she has lost all interest in her school work. she does not party, in fact, i try to encourage her to go out more. she doesn't have boyfriends, she has liked the same boy for 6 years. i do not know what to do with her. she is really inteligent and the fact of the matter is, she cries durings breaks at school, spends time talking to the councelors and she verbally yells and is always "tired." what should i do? should i let her switch schools? or is she the problem? please help any advice will be useful. she has everything a car, private lessons in golf every day. what should i do? please help me.


i have tried talking to her and it either ends with me yelling or her yelling. my husband and i try to help. the other day he

well we aren't catholic she just attended the school same reasons some people attend pepperdine. not for the religion but because its a good school in the area. she was also blessed witth a scholarship. honestly,we are a spiritual house hold. not religious. she does go to therapy and she plays a lot of sports. she has her close girlfriends who are in fact GOOD kids. I try to encourage her to go out but she'd rather babysit. her sister also got into the school of her dreams (another private school in our area) but she didn't get in. She applied and did her best. She practiced the violin for it, made a tape for the. She plays golf and doesn't win her games in tournaments. She's been crazy about one boy and who doesn't care about her. She has just been decieved a lot and I don't know what to do now.

she doesn't want to go to college now because i think she fears being decieved. we were thinking of sending her to a golf academy. what do you think of that idea?

Answer 1

Well as a 13 year old I kinda know that at this age of civilization it's hard to get your priorities straight... I suggest letting her figure out what it is she needs on her own, and help her achieve whatever goals she has in life. I've been popping in an out from failing school. I have always been an all A student but my pathetic attachment to commitment is what dragged me down. More personal details and I'd be able to give better suggestions.

It may be the cause of a lost friend, stabbed in the back by a boy she likes (you can't expect to know every aspect of her life, my parents scarcely know mine and I've given up trying to have a functional relationship. I'm gonna try having a good family myself someday and I've trying to learn the most I can about the teenage psyche, so I can prepare for having a family and I can learn why I do some things.)

She may feel guilty for something, to the point where she doesn't want to go on anymore. Be there for her and don't EVER give up trying to help. I for one hate having no help, but my parents just don't have the capability of helping me, so I figure I'll just do it myself, however I've broken down several times. She sounds like a lot like myself but eh... I wish you good luck.

Answer 2

The main problem isn't your daughter , it's the public school system. She's got to be overwhelmed at school....if the schools are anything like down here in TX. None of us over 30 had to deal with the social and discipline problems that have been occurring in our schools for the past 20 years. At 39, I'm the oldest of 5 kids; my youngest brother is 27 and I have a 19 yr old daughter so I've been witness to the increase in problems in the schools for quite a while. Your daughter , like a lot of kids, are more sensitive to the noise ,chaos and general rowdiness that goes on.She's gotten a taste of the public school system, she might want to go back to the other school and might be afraid to say so. I would ask her about it. Yeah, it's a more sedate environment and I know you want her to socialize and all but I don't think she was so depressed there either, bored maybe. It's normal and healthy for teenagers to sleep 9-even 12 hours if allowed. Their brains are going through alot of developments during the latter teen years (search on teens and sleep and do). That's why they sleep so much , if allowed. The crying spells, tiredness, edginess,and visits to the counselors office are signs of depression but I think it's situational because of the new environment. A change back to the old school would be better than counseling and antidepressants which is what they want to put her just because that seems to be the only thing most of the mental health folks know to do any more. You said your family was more spiritual (so am I), and I was referring to her being more sensitive in that context. I know you know what I mean. The yelling could be a depression thing or a teenager thing....she's becoming her own and discussions turning into yelling matches are part of that, I think. Do a search on google.com with the words--teens, brain development and you'll find articles to help you understand what she's going through developmently right now and do another search on --teens, normal, sleep. Also, do a search on "indigo children" and depression. Read up on them and I think you'll understand your daughter more, she's probably one of them.

Answer 3

The thing is that alot of teens don't think it's "cool" to be smart. It's some sort of stage we go through in this odd generation. The reason she may cry, talk to councelors, and verbally yell is because she may need to relieve her frustration, but doesn't know how to properly. If she is being teased or doesn't fit in or even having a problem with someone at school, it may be hard for her to concentrate on her work. Honestly, since she does not go out often, the best thing you can do is spend time with her. Not as a mother, but as a friend. Then, talk to her about the situation when the time is right.

Answer 4

I had a similar issue when I was young. I went from small, private, and all female school to college when I was 17. It was totally overwhelming, and I didn't get what it was till I was 25 or so. When you are that sheltered, even though a girl thinks she wants the real world, it's a monster! I got wretched grades and even dropped out, I withdrew to my own little world, had few friends and ended up hating it. Unfortunately, I never would have matured if I never went through it. Think of it this way, The sheltered life of a private school kind of socially retards you for the real world, all of your growing up in that area has to be done all at once rather than over years. These are all the traumas and dramas you avoided, wrapped up in one package. Please don't let her quit or give up. It's a huge battle but it sounds like she has good support, and now is WAY better than college right?

Answer 5

See if she will talk with your minister about this, invite him to your home and the three of you sit down and discuss this.
Maybe she is scared? the tired part she complains of SOUNDS like depression. You need to find the root of the problem, and since she went to a Catholic school, did she have a favorite teacher there maybe that could talk to her?

Answer 6

This young lady sounds like someone who is depressed. I suggest that you seek counsling for her immediately, to get to the root of the problem. Also, be sure she has a complete physical workup to rule out health problems.

Answer 7

There is nothing you can do. Just let her try and see what it is really that she wants. I am a mother of seven, with teenagers, and it seems like the more we try and do for them. it makes it worse. Just let her know that you will be there for her no matter what. She will then see that life isn't the way she has always planned. Them teenagers have one track mind, and its their track. Hang in there!

Answer 8

there is definitely something wrong, maybe she did not want to switch schools. maybe get her a check up and see if there is a problem there, but hopefully there won't be, check to see if she has bipolar, if shes depressed, moody and tired. be there for her and support her. good luck.

Answer 9

It sounds to me that your daugher is depressed. Talk to her friends, maybe they may have some insight to what's bothering her. Give her time. She may just need some time. But make sure that she knows that you support her and that you love her.