Am I wrong here?

Question

I really don't know if I'm wrong or my parents are in this situation. I think because I'm an only child and I had a lot of surgery maybe when I was a little kid so they had to take care of me a lot my parents have wanted to do everything for me. I mean everything, until sixth grade they would basically grab my homework, without me asking or suggesting anything and do it for me for the most part. They have always wanted to do every little thing. But the thing is I didn't become spoiled or anything, when I thought I might be starting to and I hated myself and I wanted to do more things on my own so I would feel better about myself. I have wanted a job for five years and they have been so negative about it. SO now I'm 18 and I almost feel like its condescending and they want to do everything still. Like today I have a school project to work on and my mom all day was really pushy, she wanted to be involved in every little step, and every time. (we had this conversation at least 5 times) I would tell her I really appreciate it but I don't want her to have to take all her time and don't worry about me. And she just started yelling at me like "you know what, i'm not trying to be an a**hole I'm just trying to help. screw it i'm going to bed" i thought she overreacted. I really appreciate and understand but its starting to affect my selfesteem, it always has but now that i'm older its more. Am i wrong or are they wrong?

shes basically not talking to me now and i wasnt mean at all. i was nice about it. i never yell or say anything bad to her or anyone.

Answer 1

Well you can try to be grown up and think of it like this. Your mom is probably addicted to the attention she has given you over the years. She actually enjoyed taking care of you. Each thing we do in life is addictive if we do it over and over....we begin to become it, to like it, even though maybe we are the only ones being that way. I think it would be to both you and your mother to gradually detoxify from the help she gave you instead of cold turkey. Let her help less and less so you both can feel better.

Answer 2

WOW.You sound like an awesome young adult.I am a mother and let me just say that we as parents worry about our kid's from the time we have you til well we never stop.LOL.The fact that you were sick as a child must have been hard on you & your parents and because of it they cherish you and in their mind's they can't do enough for you.From what you have said your parents have done a great job in raising you,you have a good head on your shoulders.I can also tell you that out of love parents can be over protective and smother their children which honestly is what it sound's like your parents have done with you.I really don't think that either one of you is wrong so to speak.I would suggest you talk to your mom and basically tell her what you said here be honest with her and that should force her to take a step back and rethink how she treat's you.Good luck honey and if you need to vent feel free to e-mail or IM me.

Answer 3

I think its great you want to be independent but maybe "I don't to take up all of your time" or "Don't worry about me" isn't firm enough. I'm not saying be rude and say "Mom, Lay off!" Just say "Look, this is a school project and I have to work independently, I actually want to work independently, but thanks for offering I really appreciate it." So you are right for wanting to do the project on your own but just remember that your parents love you and aren't trying to control your life. Remember at 18 your an so you control your own life. And you don't sound selfish, you sound independent! I believe in you! Good Luck!

Answer 4

This should have been addressed a few years ago. I can see your parents helping you but they a possesed with it. Try talking to your parents and tell them that it is time they cut the apron strings and let you do things on your own & if you fall on your face, then so be it, you will pick yourself up and try again. Tell them you are 18 and need to start doing things on your own to get ready for the world. GOOD LUCK

Answer 5

Your parents are wrong. It's easy to get carried away taking care of your child, especially when they have had medical issues. Parents can be overbearing, thinking that they are doing the right thing without realizing that they are keeping their child from growing. You need to be your own person and do things for yourself, by yourself. You are now an adult. They need to understand that and not "yell" at you for you wanting to do things yourself. I would suggest family therapy. It would help all of you.

Answer 6

You're not wrong in this situation, but neither are your parents.
If my only child was in and out of surgery, I would try to keep them safe, no matter what age.
You should sit down with both of your parents and tell them exactly what you need. Your space.
Yes, they're allowed to worry, but as a young adult, they need to let you try things on your own. They can't always be there and they're only crippling you for when they aren't there any more.
They love you, and you love them, but it's time they let their baby out of the nest.
If they did a good job rasing you, they have no reason to worry.

Answer 7

In my opinion no one is wrong!I can see a lot of love and misunderstanding`on both sides.You are their little girl and will always be.They have built a life around you.They love and worry about you and your wellbeing.Now on the other hand!They are going to have to let you show them what they have taught their daughter!They have to let you live now or they will destroy the one they love so much! YOU HAVE TO TAKE YOUR PARENTS BY THE HAND TELL THEM HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM TELL THEM TO PLEASE GIVE YOU A CHANCE TO SHOW THEM WHAT KIND OF A DAUGHTER THEY HAVE RAISED!This will take time but you have to talk to each other.Maybe a counselor can help you all. Good Luck Les

Answer 8

You have put up with this for a long time, now you are 18....going to college? Getting a job? Moving out of the house? These are all options for you, and it is a way to break the hold they have on you without hurting them. You are an adult now, they will adjust.

Answer 9

Your mom needs to chill out! I view her behavior as being abusive, especially if it's affecting your self esteem. Sweetie, this is just wrong. YOU are not wrong so please, don't think you are. Is there anyone else you can talk to about your mom? School counselor, dad, grandparents...you need some support. Maybe you could sit down and talk to her about the way you feel about her behavior. I think she would sit you down and talk to you if your behavior was questionable! You sound like a very mature individual. Keep your chin up and good luck.

Answer 10

ur folks are wrong im in somewhat of the same position as i had a lot of surgery when i was younger 2but the problem is that i have 4siblings who get mighty jealous when my folks do that 2me...u need 2tell ur folks how u feel and maybe get them 2talk 2someone because since ur an only child and the fact that u were very dependant on them growing up cuz of the surgery it might be hard 4them cuz ur growing up and since ur 18 ur bound 2b looking at colleges etc and moving out so they might be freaking out a bit....but u shouldnt feel guilty!!!!its ur life do what U want......