You should actually try to tell them that you are there for them but you can't run their life. You don't just think about your friends...you have to think about yourself too. Besides, if you are tore up about something then you can't help anyone until you help yourself.
2007-01-20 10:35:34
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answer #1
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answered by Tracy Renee Steen 1
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You are not responsible for everyone's troubles dear Heart. Please try to think of your own well-being and happiness. This is more important at this time. Crying all the time is not healthy. There is an indication here of depression. You've got a lot of compassion and a heart filled with love.
It often happens that we are helpless to situations we have no control of either in our own life or that of those around us. There is nothing we can say or can do except give them an information about a qualified person who could help them.
And some people sometimes abuse on good listeners. You cannot help someone who does not want to help herself. This is a waste of energy and when you realize this is happening, the best way would be to keep some distance from such individuals. In the long run, this could lead to health problems for you.
2007-01-20 19:06:47
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answer #2
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answered by montralia 5
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You can not please everyone, if you try, you will end up being upset because you cant make everyone happy. The same is true for "help". You cant help everyone, and in some instances being there for someone else makes your life more complicated and difficult.
I used to be JUST like. One day I grew up and realized that I need to 1st make sure I am in a position to help anyone else. If then I am, then I will take in consideration what I can do, and how I can help. I keep in mind that no matter much or little I did do, it was more than what I am really obgligated or resposible to do. So I dont feel bad if I cant do EVERYTHING that I may want or would like to do. I do what I can.
But never give so much that it leaves you empty, because if you dont have anything left for yourself, you are really no good to anyone anyway....no matter how good your intentions are.
Keep your store house filled, and you will have more than enough to share.
2007-01-20 18:43:10
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answer #3
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answered by Anonymous
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You have to take care of you 1st. You have heard" You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink)? If your friends choose to get in to trouble you can not stop them. You don't need to be getting in trouble either. You can let them know that your here if they need to talk or what ever. You should worry about things you can do not those you have no control over. It sounds to me like you are on you back & beating yourself up petty hard. Lighten up on you your self. Set your priorities. Don't be trying to fix everything. Some things can't be fixed. Hope this helps or gives you something to think about.
2007-01-20 18:46:46
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answer #4
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answered by Blues Man 7
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The fact that you feel guilty when other people have problems and that you feel it is your fault,indicates that you have a psychological condition called Adult Children of Alcoholics Syndrome. It is also called Co-dependency, and being Over Responsible.
I used to work as a psych RN and have this condition myself so I have some experience with it. If you saw a psychologist and he/she couldn't help, you saw an ignorant and incompetent psychologist. Unfortunately there are more than a few out there.
Usually this condition stems from childhood where one or both parents give you the idea that you are the cause of their problems.
Regarding the term over responsible, there are 3 levels of responsibility. A person can be under responsible (usually called irresponsible), responsible, and over responsible.
In the first case, the person takes no responsibility for their problems and instead blames others for them. "If everyone else would change, I would have no problems." This is often the case with alcoholics who are still using. They blame their alcoholism and all other problems on other people.
A person who is "responsible" realises that their problems are their responsibility to solve and take care of. That doesn't mean that we can't ask for help; just that it is not other peoples responsibility to solve our problems.
Over responsible is where a person believes that they are responsible to solve other adults problems. That is where you and I are. The good news is that we don't have to stay that way!
The reason that the problem of being over responsible is called Adult Children of Alcoholics syndrome is that the alcoholic parent teaches their children that (they the alcoholic) their problems are due to their spouse, children, boss, etc.
There are some good books on this problem that will probably be helpful to you. They are: "Adult Children of Alcoholics", by Janet Woititz; "Adult Children - The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families"; by John Friel and Linda Friel; and "Codependent No More" by Melonie Beatty (I'm not sure how to spell her name).
There are also free support groups for people who have this problem, called Adult Children of Alcoholics support groups- also called ACA groups or ACoA groups. If you have some kind of First Call for Help phone system where you live they can direct you to the group nearest group near you.
There are usually many such groups in a large city. Since all people are different, you may not "click" with the first group you go to and need to search for a group that you feel comfortable in. If there is no "First Call For Help" where you live, you may be able to find an ACA "intergroup" in the white pages of your phone book.They can direct you to an ACA group.
You can also try to find a psychologist who is knowledgable about Adult Children of Alcoholics Syndrome. Once you start going to an ACA group and meeting other people with the same problem (there are lots of us), someone may be able to direct you to a good psychologist.
I'm glad you asked this question. There is a lot of help for you out there and you don't have to continue to feel so bad. God bless you.
2007-01-20 19:34:54
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answer #5
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answered by Smartassawhip 7
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You need to realize that you cannot help them. Each of us has to help ourselves and can only lend them of our strength. If you allow yourself to get overly upset by their problems you are weakening yourself and will have less strength to give them.
Be good to yourself first because you are the most important person in your world. Once you have your own balance you can lend your strength and balance to others. To do so otherwise will only make you worthless to yourself and others.
2007-01-20 18:40:04
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answer #6
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answered by Anonymous
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can you say co dependency issues ? I would suggest going to the bookstore and buying the book entitle Co dependent no more... happy reading
2007-01-20 22:35:02
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answer #7
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answered by truthseeker 2
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You need to start taking care of yourself instead of everyone else.
2007-01-20 18:44:51
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answer #8
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answered by Mom 5
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Pray for Jesus Christ to help you and your friends, that is pretty much all you can do, and there is nothing better than that.
2007-01-20 18:55:00
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answer #9
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answered by Anonymous
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Well,you and i are not much different,IM me,i think we can help each other...
2007-01-20 18:47:13
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answer #10
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answered by Ali 5
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