How can I let her off the hook without hurting her feelings and making her angry? She doesn't want to help with planning, getting ready, etc. I asked her the other day if she was still planning on being in the wedding and her response was, " I guess so"...I can't have a slacker.....but don't want to make her angry either. HELP@!!!!!!
2007-01-20 10:14:33 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Well since you asked her to be in your wedding...I am assuming she is someone special to you?...This being the case...take her to lunch....after eating...talking...just be honest with her...tell her that you are not upset with her, but you have kind of gotten vibes that maybe she isn't really excited about being in the wedding and because you are friends you don't want to put her in a position that is making her uncomfortable....Tell her you'd like her to be part of your wedding....but if it is creating a hardship....that you are willing to release her from the commitment with no hard feelings....you 'll be a little sad, but totally understand.
P.S. Often the bridesmaids are expected to pay for their own gown and excessories...when the realization of the financial responsibility hits...and if money is tight...and can become not as exciting to be participate....It is your wedding...I don't think you have any choice but to tactfully address this....Good luck.
2007-01-20 10:24:32 · answer #1 · answered by ticklemeblue 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A common problem with bridesmaids is that they've never been married. If yours has never been married, she could have issues with that or numerous other personal issues. It could be financial, it could be anything. I'd suggest taking her to lunch one day and just have a good conversation with her. Tell her you get the feeling her heart is not in this commitment and ask her why. When she explains what is going on, at that point either say "I really want you to be a part of my wedding but I understand you have a lot going on. Is there something in the wedding you'd rather do than be a bridesmaid (or just offer her two other jobs to pick from that have less responsibility)" or if everything seems like it will be resolved a couple of months before the wedding just say "I had no idea! Wow! You really are overwhelmed right now! I'm sure it will be a big relief when this mess is straightened out. Do you think everything will be back to normal in (month)? I really don't want my wedding throwing you into a nervous breakdown. If this commitment is just too much, I totally understand - that's what friends are for".
But definitely get this straightened out now. If you have a slacker up there, the other bridesmaids will resent their hard work if it isn't shared equally among them all. Good luck!
2007-01-21 00:40:52 · answer #2 · answered by Kristi C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me tell you something,that is your wedding the person that is helping you should be your brides maid if she is willing .No you don't need a slacker,she might even be jealous on the low. Get you somebody that is going to help you plan your wedding ,and mwake sure everything is perfect. This suppose to be your day,and if you want this to run smooth, you know what to do. It don't matter if she gets mad she not helping you so do what needs to be done , end the end she will still be your friend. If she turns her back on you in a time of need you don't need her any way and she not a friend. A friend would be there for you,no need to ask. So you decide it's your wedding.
2007-01-20 10:25:33 · answer #3 · answered by creamy k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Based on how you have described this, yes, she does not seem overly interested and may not know how to back out without hurting your feelings. However, just to play devil's advocate for a second here, is it possible that she has a lot on her plate at the moment and doesn't have the time to focus on your wedding? If this isn't the case, the best thing to do is sit down with just her and have a chat. Tell her what you're picking up on and let her know that if she wants to back out that you won't be upset. She may just be looking to hear that from you and she may need to talk if there is something going on with her life. Best of luck
2007-01-20 10:33:16 · answer #4 · answered by Patricia D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a bridesmaid is an honor and also comes with big responsibilities. Talk to her about how you are feeling and tell her you understand if she doesn't feel up to being in your wedding. She could have some things going on or be envious of your happiness. Ultimately if she's your friend she will understand your concern and do the right thing.
2007-01-20 10:23:26 · answer #5 · answered by Sim1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either she is going through her own problems that are overwhelming and she is really worried or she truly just doensn't want to be in your wedding. I would suggest that you not take it personally, you have more than enough to concentrate on currently. But, don't forget she is a friend and friends need friends as well, so if you can be a help to her then do just that. Maybe she will be better off just being a guest that is much welcomed anyway.
2007-01-20 10:19:20 · answer #6 · answered by notnew2U 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, you do not have time for slackers in the wedding party. It will be here before you know it and you can not afford for things to be left undone. Would taking her out leave a groomsmen short? If not then let her know how you feel. It would be better to taker her out now then to have your wedding jacked up due to her inability to complete her task.
2007-01-20 10:20:00 · answer #7 · answered by michellej 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if she is not interested, and perhaps it's your feelings that she is trying not to hurt by stepping asside.
If she is important enough in your life to be a bridesmaid, she should be important enough to have an honest discussion with. Be open minded because she may have things to share that are uncomfortable for the both of you.
Good luck and congrats.
2007-01-20 10:18:18 · answer #8 · answered by marianne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
possibly it's time that your brother and the the remainder of your loved ones sit down down and have a communique approximately expectancies and what's to return-- devoid of the fiancee around. Then, take him aside and clarify to him that it makes you uncomfortable to think of roughly being the fiancee's bridesmaid while she's carried out particular issues. ultimately, this is going to return out, and that's extra advantageous to get all of it out now then after the marriage, once you're extremely caught with the way she is. in case you tell your brother flat out you do no longer prefer to be contained in the marriage, it will in basic terms harm his emotions and reason extra strife-- that may probably gasoline the fireplace, inflicting a rift, and putting extra ammo for the fiancee. first of all, why do you ought to spend plenty funds? it rather is ridiculous. you ought to discuss with him.
2016-10-07 11:28:54 · answer #9 · answered by riesgo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should sit her down and have a heart to heart. tell her that you feel like she isn't really excited about your upcoming marriage. also let her know that while you would like her as a bridesmaid and her help in planning that it is an option for her not to be. tell her that all you want is her honest answer and be prepared to be calm and ok with her decision no matter what it is.
2007-01-20 10:18:58 · answer #10 · answered by kestrelk8 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋