I am the mother of twin daughters, aged 9. Recently they have started bully like behavior in and out of school which is easy since there are the both of them.
I have tried taking things away, and the like, but they are not working.
This last Friday, the school they attend, called and put them on a temporary suspension for fighting. I was very angry, and told my daughters that they were grounded, and I would let them know what thier punishment would be soon.
However I cant think of anything that might work, and Im not to keen on the whole spanking thing; or is that the way to go. Anyone with anything helpful.
2007-01-20 09:43:09 · 11 answers · asked by Laurana 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
What about a good swat on the backside? Sometimes it is the only thing that works! Children are different, and you must use different approaches to each one. Grounding, talking, etc works with some kids...... sometimes. There are those children who will challenge authority, and you must use whatever is at your disposal to teach them respect for authority. A good swat to the backside is a very good tool depending on the kid! Since they will be home on suspension, make them do housework! Let them only rest to go to the bathroom and eat and send them to bed early with no TV or other perks. My kids hated this punishment and began to appreciate that housework was work! They looked at my job with new appreciation and new understanding of how hard my job was! They will be very tired and will think twice about getting into trouble at school if they know the consequences will be tough!
Don't trust the so-called experts who have not raised children! They do not have all the answers!
2007-01-20 10:02:26 · answer #1 · answered by Marie 7 · 4⤊ 2⤋
In our home, we give spankings for breaking clearly set rules. That doesn't mean they get one for "not taking their plate to the sink after their done eating (which is a rule too). However we have a set of rules in place which prevent any "really bad behavior" like "No Lying, Stealing, Hitting, Saying bad words", and the one they fits your situation is "No getting in trouble at school" We feel that if a teacher has to take time out of their day to deal with our unruly children, that is NOT good, and we MUST put a stop to it immediately.
Your daughters broke 2 of our rules, No hitting, and No getting in trouble at school. Double whammy in my opinion. It's good you grounded them. Now it's a must that you give them each a good old fashioned spanking. You said your not keen on spanking, which is proof that spanking in it's self didn't make your daughters hit, or become bullys contrary to popular beleif (since they either have never, or have rarely been spanked).
OK here's what to do. When I suggest spanking, don't just swat them. Tell them each to go to their rooms, let them wait for at least 5 min. Then have a talk with them seperatlly (spankings must always be done in privet). After your talk pull down pants/panties put her across your lap, and spank her bottom red. Don't leave bruises or other permanent marks, but a good spanking should leave her crying hard and her bottom red. Repete this process for the other one.
Your daughters have crossed the line. You NEED to show them how important it is to NEVER CROSS IT AGAIN. This will do the trick
Best of luck to you
2007-01-20 19:28:27 · answer #2 · answered by olschoolmom 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Obviously grounding and taking things away isn't working.
And if you've never spanked them, that's proof right there that spanking isn't what causes violence. They're still getting in fights in school. I was spanked, and I never got in a fight. I have never even been suspended. So, it's up to you. But I suggest you get control over them now before they become teenagers. You'll end up going to Supernanny or Maury wanting them to discipline your kids for you, while they're making a fool out of themselves on television... That would be my entertainment.
Seriously though. You're the mom. Not the other way around. Find the kind of discipline that works (and if that means spanking, then yes), and stick to it. There's really nothing any of us can do about it, just because you don't want to get control over your kids.
2007-01-20 10:28:36 · answer #3 · answered by Annamarie 5 · 5⤊ 2⤋
You need to get their attention. Take away something they really like or like to do. Take away TV, Phone , computer or games or all privileges. No friends over, or no going to friends house. You have to stand your ground. This is not the old days where you can give them the wood shed education(Spanking). No one has ever died from a spanking on the bottom. You have to be careful Spanking them, because they would scream Abuse. Thanks to the Government ruling our family life and Dr. Spock and other groups. Disciplining our children is under strict rules. Now we pay the price for these "So Called Experts".
Honestly you need to spank them. But as I said earlier a open hand on the bottom has never killed anybody. Don't use a Belt or switch. But fighting fire with fire is not a good thing. The Bible says "Spare the rod and Spoil the Child".
Discipline is one thing and abuse is another. Beating a child, breaking their arms legs and causing bodily harm is ABUSE.
What does their Father Say?
If taking away privileges don't work, seek professional help. There has to be a study group or something like it. Like Spouse abuse groups, lose of family members and etc: You are not the only one with this problem. Call your local Social Services and see if there is a program locally. You need to get a handle on this now before it gets worse.
2007-01-20 10:03:07 · answer #4 · answered by kingcobra_47 2 · 3⤊ 3⤋
A good smack on the rear end is in order! Take away all their privileges and the lady that said to make them work was right! I am with that! Make them understand that being a bully is wrong! Tell them why it is wrong and spend time talking to them about why it is wrong. Make them apologize to the kids they bullied in front of everyone and to any adult they gave problems to! Try to help them understand how others feel when they are bullied. Let them know you will not back them up when they are wrong! Teach them when they wrong someone, they have to make amends to right the wrong and ask for forgiveness. I would make them "serve time" by making them work doing something they do not like! You have to be tough on them to get their attention!
2007-01-20 15:23:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Is there a psychologist at their school? If so, I would schedule an appointment. If not, you might want to look into private family counseling. Has something happened recently in your daughter's lives that is causing them to act out? Are they being bullied at school by other kids? There is almost ALWAYS an underlying reason for sudden behavior changes. Have you tried talking to them about what they're angry about? Have you asked them how they would like to be on the receiving end of bullying? I think you need to come up with some answers soon, before they are completely out of control. Good luck to you.
2007-01-20 10:00:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
Well, I don't believe in spanking at the age of 9 either. After age 3, reason enters into the picture.
Sounds to me like you are heading in the right direction. Taking things away doesn't seem to be working right now, but have you taken everything away? I mean EVERYTHING! It's hard on parents to ground, because children are around ALL THE TIME!!! There is no release, besides school, and that release has already been taken away. But you have to stick to it.
Strip their rooms of everything but the bed, and restrict them to that area. The only thing they have is meals with you and then straight back to their room. There is nothing else...until they earn it back.
Make sure your standards and rules are known. "You are grounded because of ________, and you can get your books back by doing ________." "Your TV was taken away because of _______, and you can get it back by doing ________." Being precise and consistent with your rules and standards of conduct is key. If your girls don't know what you expect, they can't possibly be expected to know what rules to follow.
Having a 6 year old that is going through a rebellion right now, I feel your pain. There are countless times when I say, "I don't care, back to your room." So many times I just want to give in so she can go to a friend's house and be her mamma's problem!!! But that is just not an option.
Keep up the good work, keep it consistent, and it will pay off. In a few weeks, your children will be back at school, be behaving well, and you can get back to the normal things like how much dinner they should eat before being excused from the table.
2007-01-20 10:34:21 · answer #7 · answered by ninn09262 6 · 0⤊ 5⤋
that's an valuable type of teaching a baby to dodge doing even with habit they are doing that leads to actual discomfort. The spanking on my own, although, does no longer educate them a thanks to make strong judgements *previous* that one particular habit, although. It does no longer educate them why the habit become incorrect. It does no longer educate them which habit is extra effective. It does no longer educate them a thanks to cope with the subsequent new difficulty that comes up of their lives. Spanking isn't the in user-friendly words type of self-discipline. self-discipline isn't mandatory if a baby is taught a thanks to make strong judgements for themselves. merely because some thing did no longer have a adverse impact does no longer mean that it become valuable or that it become the most acceptable component to do.
2016-12-02 19:30:25 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
discipline them and dont let up! i was bullied at school its not nice at all and i wouldnt wish it on anyone so i say zero tolerance and spank them!
2007-01-20 11:24:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
spanking is the best discipline there is. because IT WORKS! I was spanked and I THANK my parents for it.
2007-01-20 12:11:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋