How do you control ya childs temper?

Question

My son is 4 years old and he has the biggest temper ever.
Major tantrums when he cant have what he wants because everyone stares sometimes i think the think i am a bad mum.
What do i do you all?

Answer 1

ignore him when this happens, he only does it for attention, if people stare don't worry about them, he is your child and they shouldn't be nosey

Answer 2

Make sure your child knows what the boundaries are, how far he can push you and what the consequences will be for continued tantrums and stick to your guns with following out threats. Consistant behaviour on your part will show him you mean business.
If he was just having the tantrums at home then it would be easy to ignore and he'd be fed up with no reaction from you but he is old enough to know where and how to make it worthwhile, so what you threaten as a consequence use it no matter where you are - shops, home, someone else's house, park, etc then he'll learn what is expected behaviour wise no matter where he is.
Play up the good behaviour and reward him with praise and cuddles - if he's always promised a toy or sweet for being good then he'll only do it for that, whereas a kiss and cuddle can be given no matter where you are and he doesn't learn that only material things are to be gained. Perhaps going a whole week or something might merit something special, even if it is choosing his own tea, but overall, it's up to you to let him know you are boss and you are going to be consistant with your behaviour and he just isn't going to get away with it. Encourage him before you go in somewhere to be good rather than threaten him with trouble if he's naughty and maybe give him his own wee shopping list so he has a purpose for being in there rather than tagging along behind, probably getting bored. Don't they all!
As for feeling like a bad mum - you're not! It's easy to be made to feel that but it's always so much easier when it's not your kid! We've all had moments when we wish the ground would swallow us up and don't believe anyone who says otherwise! Hope you get things under control soon. x

Answer 3

My 3.5year old knows now that i can throw a much bigger tantrum than her.
Stand your ground. Leave your shopping and walk out if he leaves you no other option. Mine threw a mega tantrum in WHSmith over postcards once. We had to go back the next day, something to do with a pre-ordered magazine, and she had an even bigger tantrum over the same postcards. I ended up telling the shop assistant i would be back later and grabbed her under my arm and marched to the nearest taxi rank. She hasn't been in there since :-)

Remind him he won't be coming on the next shopping trip and don't take him for a few weeks. Leave him with nannie for the big weekly shop if need be. It's worked for me.
Six hard months of shopping tantrums. Hurting herself on the trolly trying to squeeze out of the strap or standing up in the trolley seat to the point she figured out i would rather have her out than have her stand up. Then came the 'i can reach what i want now'. After that we had a series of 'See how fast i can disappear into the next aisle'. Been more than once i had to tell the security guard in the shop i lost my child! But then there was a real nice east european one at Sainsbury that wasn't infected with political correctness yet and he talked to her. And she hasn't run off since.
And she got barred on quite a few shopping trips.
Eventually we got it to the point where, before we left the house, she would have to promise not to have a tantrum, not to run away, no screeching (another of her favourites) and that she would behave like a good girl in the shop.
Like i said, six months of shopping hell but now i can take her shopping and have some peace at last. She loves looking for things in the shop that we need. And sometimes she reminds me (or maybe herself?) as we walk into shops that she has to behave and no tantrums, and no running away. :-)

Editedto say you can never really control a childs temper. Best you can hope for is to teach them to control their own temper in my opinion ;-)

Answer 4

Regarding ur son having tanturms at a young age his testing the boundaires, so set some firm fast rules. This is natural for any young child but whatever u decide to stick to the plan. As for children playing up and people stare ignore this everyone with children has experienced this or seen it. You are nolt a bad mother ...but just set rules and stick to it. No is NO Good luck but im sure he will grow out of this

Answer 5

Many people have given you advice, but this is one thing I found worked for me. Tell your child how you expect him to behave before you go out. Think of a punishment and a reward - "if you behave, you can choose an ice cream. If you don't, we get straight in the car and go home and you will go to bed" That kind of thing. And stick to it.
He's old enough to understand that tantrums are unacceptable. I don't believe in ignoring a child's bad behaviour - it means that other people have to sit through it which I find unacceptable.

Answer 6

Always stay calm and never lose your temper. That only shows weakness and the child will exploit that.. If he is bold then punish him by removing his pleasures like toys and favorite programmes. Do it say for a day and be resilient, dont crack, dont give into screams and violence, Lock him in his room till he behaves no matter how he screams punches kicks etc. Its all about being in charge. You absolutley must not give in to him, You are the answer not him. I saw this work time and time again on programmes relating to this subject. Trust me it will work if you remain strong. Reward him always if he is good but dont over do the rewards. You do not want him exploiting this either.. Talk to him and encourage him in everything and do not ignore him ever if he is trying to talk to you.

Answer 7

Your son cannot possibly have the biggest temper ever, it belongs to my child. Time outs were what worked for us. Also, not showing how upset I got. You are not a bad mum, you just have a tough kid at a tough age. I recommend the book 123 Magic, it deals with your situation.

Answer 8

I bend down hold him by the upper arms (face to face) and tell him - mummy is going now -and I walk off. (not far so that I can still see him) He usually runs after me, if he starts again I tell him I am going to leave him on his own because I do not wish to talk to a horrid screaming little boy.and walk away again, he will run after me, Then I make him say sorry and it stops. (after the first few times you do not have to ask them to say sorry - they just do)

If we are in the house I put him (more accurately- drag) into the hall and will not let him back into the room, he hammers on the door and cries and tells me he is sorry, he comes back in and there is no more trouble

When he says sorry I give him a hug.

They are all the same -you are not a bad mum, I have dragged mine through a shop kicking and screaming - sometimes you do not have the energy or the patience to deal with it! Peoples snotty looks only make it worse because you are trying not to look bad as opposed to sorting out the problem.

Answer 9

Ignore the tantrums, ignore the dirty looks. Be firm with him and consistent.
And definitely DO NOT give in when he wants something and has a tantrum. Reward him for good behavior also.
A friend of mine did this with her daughter....she video taped her and let her watch how silly she looked having a tantrum. It worked for her.

Answer 10

Ignore the tantrum. It is his way of getting attention. Leave him where he is and walk away. When he sees it's not working, he will stop. Do not give in to him because he will continue to have the tantrums.

Answer 11

in line with danger attempt making him run around the homestead maximum of circumstances. this could serve 3 purposes- one it may placed on him out somewhat, 2 it receives him out of the homestead and lively for a couple of minutes and 3 it provides a minute or 2 to gather your self until eventually now the subsequent tantrum. attempt chatting with him in a different way. as a replace of announcing No Trevor we cant bypass right now attempt announcing sure Trevor we are in a position to bypass to the park the following day afternoon. in line with danger the feared No be conscious contraptions him off. as a replace of announcing No dinner isn't waiting - say Dinner would be waiting quickly - do you elect to set the table? I as quickly as watched a boy who could have a tantrum each time you mentioned the be conscious no. in case you mentioned it in a different way he could be positive yet once you mentioned NO then you definately could throw huge tantrums. It cant injury to try this one.