My mom likes to criticize my life and thinks that most of the things I do is not good enough. I'm in college and I'm almost done with my two year degree. I graduated high school a while back but haven't had any luck with a stable job as of now. How can I change her? Or at least how can I get her to stop criticizing me and just be happy with who I am?
2007-01-20 09:03:37 · 7 answers · asked by Suzy Suzee Sue 6 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Papeversomniferum—I don’t do things out of rebellion because that’s immature don’t you think? I’m not immature if that’s what you think I am.
2007-01-20 09:32:02 · update #1
You can't change her, and it sounds as if talking to her is fairly useless. She certainly knows, intellectually, that she's very critical of you.
The only thing that works in this world is changing what YOU do. You change your steps in the dance of interaction.
What's the problem? Your interactions with your mother are stressful and cause you to be unhappy.
Are the results bad enough that you are willing to start edging your mother out of your life? To establish boundaries that exclude her?
That's what I had to do with my family of origin, for the most part. I have very limited interactions with them, and that's largely because they want to see my daughter. I control when and how long they see her, and that's the only reason they respect the boundaries I've set at all. That's just how it is with some people. Otherwise, they go right back to being nasty, critical, demanding, and disrespectful - and I'm 40!
2007-01-20 10:00:18 · answer #1 · answered by TechnoMom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wish I had good news for you, but No you can not change your mom. The only person in this world you can change is yourself. Talking to her will not solve anything. She will take it as an opportunity to once again criticize you even more. The only thing you can do is to accept her. Don’t judge her, don’t judge yourself, just accept her the way she is. She is the only mom you will ever have.
There is one thing you can do. Thirty years from now you will find yourself in the same situation. Just this time you will be on the other side of the coin. I wish, you could remember then your question from today.
Your mother was, just like you now, criticized by her mom, and her mom by her mom and so on. And now you are here to break the chain. This may be one of the few (or many) lessens of your life. So be patient, accept her and then next lesson will come. Who says life is easy
2007-01-21 11:50:34 · answer #2 · answered by j 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You cannot change your mom, she has to WANT to change herself. She has to see what she is doing has an emotional effect on you. Many parents do this because they suffer from their own insecurities and low self esteem. They criticize, belittle, degrade, etc. others because it makes them appear more superior when in reality if it's to cover their own inferiority.
I suggest you sit her down and have a heart to heart talk with her about what she does and how it effects you. She may feel inadequate as a parent. Therefore, you need to reassure her she's a good mother and thank her for the things she has done. If this fails, then there is nothing more you can do. If you are living at home, then you can only deal with it until you have graduated and out on our own. If you are out on your own now, then limit your visitations. You may want to tell her you will not be visiting anymore or less until she can learn to treat you properly without criticism. Then stick to it. Tough love is many time the best option.
2007-01-20 09:13:34 · answer #3 · answered by S H 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No it's not approximately your being a teenaager , as a substitute it's approximately a Mother being scared of this global and what would occur . She is terrified for you her daughter due to the fact that she loves you . She turns out to have a rationale to be afraid for you . You mentioned on the commencing that you simply have been an adolescent with a wild social lifestyles . That even frightens me . That wild social lifestyles is why I fully believe your mother , She is aware of what would occur to you when you keep to have a wild subculture. May no longer be precisely what you desired to listen to I simply it is helping you recognize why your mother feels the way in which she does Good good fortune and God bless
2016-09-07 22:58:56 · answer #4 · answered by scharff 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't. Change her that is. Change yourself and how you deal with her. Just ignore her. You are never going to get what you want from her--which is her approval.
2007-01-20 09:12:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Remember this:
"You have no control over how people will choose to treat you. The only thing you have control over is how you allow their influence to effect you."
Everyone interacts for different reasons and from different places in their own life. I'm sure that you mom is just trying to reflect her own feeling about her own accomplishments and failures into your life... You are her daughter... she gave you life and is as interconnected to you as you are to her. She just doesn't want to see you make the same mistakes she did.
People fail to realize however that we are the culmination of both our failures and our accomplishments. And in trying to "save" us or spare us of our pain, they sometimes hurt us worse...
Show responsibility and act accordingly with respect for yourself with insight and intelligence and she will not see the need to correct something that she doesn't see is wrong. Most importantly understand that you can make your choice as the result of rebellion or make them because no matter what anyone has to say about it... you did it because it was the right thing to do.
This is your life... Not hers. These are choices you need to make for you, not for or against anyone elses influence. See what Im trying to say? You can make your choices against her influence to rebel all you want, but if you do that... She has still effected you. People have destroyed their entire lives trying to do the opposite of what they feel is expected of them for no other reason than rebellion, guilt and hurt... or just to be spiteful!
Do what you need to do for you without any guilt. You are an adult!
Mother and daughters carry huge burdens over one anothers choices and causes and effects. Guilt will do this especially well.
**To respond to your defensive little comment above...
My answer was meant in the best possible way with the best possible intentions for your health and well being... Many women have these problems between mother and daughter and emotional intelligence is not the same as rational intelligence so...
Im sorry you took it personally...
It does kind of prove my point however.
So much for maturity....
2007-01-20 09:14:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
you can't change your mom because she is who she is. Just take what's good about her not what's bad.
2007-01-20 09:24:07 · answer #7 · answered by the BABY 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋