I have been married for 9 years and with the same man for 10. He has children from a previous marriage that we are now raising, ages 13 and 15. He promised to have his reversal done long time ago while i was still in the army and had it all payed for. But he chose to back out the day of the surgery. I have waited so long to have children of my own, and now all he wants me to do is try and save to have his surgery done or get artificially inseminated. I feel that's BS and he backed out on me so now i'm thinking about finding a donor on my own. Is this wrong of me to feel this way? I don't want to cheat on him, but there are ways of insemination besides sex. I just know sometimes the want of having my own child, overrides the reality of who i may hurt going and doing it on my own. but at the same time he had his chance and I'm now raising his daughters, and i feel my needs are on the back burner...... just please give me your opinions......i'm soooo confused!!!!
2007-01-20 08:29:50 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
this is why I would never marry someone else with kids, sorry its just me. he already has kids so he figures why have anymore ? I dont know. This is a joint decision, dont go behind his back and get pregnant, 100 percent to end your marriage
good luck
2007-01-20 08:35:23 · answer #1 · answered by BoTToms UP 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, I am going through the same thing. My husband doesn't want to have the surgery done because he says there is only a slight chance that it will work anyway. He knows how much I want a baby of my own and it seems like he just doesn't care anymore. I take care of his kids, the house, and everything else. He gets mad when I bring the subject up and I have given up hope to ever have a baby with him. He already has his own kids and he just doesn't understand how I am feeling. I hope things work out for the best with you.
2007-01-20 16:45:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He lied to you, but you need to understand his fears too. Surgery is surgery and most people dont like doing it. It could be for selfish erasons - because he already has two of his own. Talk to him some more and tell him he needs to raise funds for it himself. If he has no way of doing so, you may consider paying for it, this time with a clear agreement or even an ultimatum. But do ask him if he really want to do it; let him know that you dont want him to feel obliged to do it and that you could look at other options too, if he is ok with that.
2007-01-20 16:42:28 · answer #3 · answered by Sofia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have seen that when he backed out of his appointment, he was telling you he does not want children with you. He may only be with you so that you can raise his kids. He doesn't sound very nice.
You can always be artificially inseminated, but they the child wouldn't be his. Not to mention the cost - do you think he'd really pay for you to have someone else's baby?
2007-01-20 16:35:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Boy, I thought I had a hard decision to make! I'm so in the middle. On one hand, he might be scared, have you talked about this at all? On the other hand he shouldn't have told you he would do it. The only thing left to do is continue to talk to him about what you want in hopes of getting him to go through with it. If you don't get any results and it means that much to you, you may have to leave him and find someone else to father your child. The question is, how much do you love your husband and want to stay in your marriage?
I'll be praying for you!!!!
2007-01-27 02:38:38 · answer #5 · answered by childrenrthefuture97 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel sorry for your situation. I don't think I would have stayed with him after he backed out. I guess he found a cheap way to get free child care and house cleaning. My advise would be to count your blessing that you don't have children with him, and leave him. If you go behind his back and get pregnant (any way of your choosing) the marriage will probably be over anyway, if you force the issue with him and he caves in to your desire, he will probably make your life (and maybe the child's) miserable anyway. Instead, get out of this marriage and find a man who will love you and wants children. Get remarried and enjoy your new life and loves.
2007-01-24 14:25:35 · answer #6 · answered by sunybuni 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that you feel right now that you need to propagate the species, and you want to do it with the man you love. Because of his past behavior, he seems scared to have a child with you, not the operation to reverse the original vasectomy.
I suggest talking to him about the importance of having children of your own, and you want to have them with him, the man that you love and married. If he is not direct with you, then perhaps it is time to see a counselor, and even couples counseling may help. He may have some unresolved issues about becoming a dad again.
2007-01-20 16:44:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello. I believe that he needs to either help you pay for the surgery or let you get AI it is not your fault he backed out. Also sit down and discuss it with him and see what happens. Maybe go out to a nice place and eat just the two of you and make sure the setting is relaxing and comfortable for you both. Hope everything works out i will keep you in my prayers!!!
2007-01-25 03:11:42 · answer #8 · answered by trung_camry30_9x 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, he's be fixed so long reversal would be pointless. The longer it's been, the less chance of it working. I say, it's your life. Talk to him about it, and if he still says no.. you need to make a choice. You can stay with this man, and realize you will NEVER have a child of your own.. or make your own decision to maybe find somebody else, or goto a sperm bank........ good luck!
2007-01-20 18:02:41 · answer #9 · answered by ~*Isabel*~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him how you feel. Discuss options.
But I would like to add I am currently pregnant, and the only guy I was with around the time of conception is fixed. He's got a doctors note saying he's sterile as can be, but here I am. So Idk.
2007-01-25 01:54:27 · answer #10 · answered by Nicole S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋